Discovering Ludwig
by SpeakingThroughWrittenWords
Summary: When Germany starts another World War, everyone has had enough. Stripped down, remade, this is the story of New Germany. Starting from scratch, being raised by a new Austro-Hungarian alliance, about to meet Italy – who will turn his world upside down. #7
1. The End

_Based on my drabble The Beginning Is The End Is The Beginning from the story The World, Piece By Piece, which had been based upon a roleplay between SpeakingThroughWrittenWords and Dancing Feather. Warning: Utilizes both country and Human names. Also contains written accents so if you do not like such things just do not bother reading. Thank you._

* * *

**The End**

When Germany snapped, Italy was the first to know. Italy just did not understand why he had not noticed it sooner. Why he had not been able to stop what occurred. Germany had become more quiet, less receiving, but Italy had just thought there was another rough patch. It could not be something so bad as... so bad as...

"Italy," Germany said. He stood at the other end of the room, gloved fists clenched and held at his sides. "Vill you become one vith me?"

Italy stared at him in love, with horror, and realized something which had somehow escaped him for so long. It was just those simple words, but he knew what they meant. And they way they were said, there was no one who could say them as such, not one except...

"No."

Italy began crying.

"But I won't leave you Germany. Not this time. I won't leave you, ever, ever, ever..."

Germany's arms wrapped around him. Italy looked up and saw his eyes. They were struggling to keep sight of what was in front of him. Struggling in a loosing fight, where now he saw another reality.

"I von't let you leave me," Germany whispered into his ear, his grip tightening. Italy sobbed into his chest.

Germany was the Holy Roman Empire.

Thinking about it, Italy had never asked Germany how he was as a child, though he had told Germany many tales of himself. Never mentioning Empire though. Italy could not bare to speak of the boy he had been so in love with, not to the person he had fallen so hard for.

Germany was Germany some of the time. Tired, uncertain... listening to his boss with a certain resignation. Germany seemed to try keeping his distance from Italy. Italy would not let him. Not that it was possible. Italy lived here now, with him. Italy was keeping an eye on him. Italy would say anything he could think of to keep Germany here. Different work, take a break, kissing him... anything he could think of to keep Germany's madness from exceeding the borders.

And Germany would give up to him, give in to him.

But then Germany was Holy Roman Empire for the rest of the time. A child still. Eager to do the right thing, impulsive, certain... believing he would win this time. After all, Italy was with him this time. _His_ Italy. He would not want Italy anywhere but in the same room with him while they were at home. But when he wanted to leave, to accomplish his boss's goals, nothing Italy could do would stop him.

Germany was too strong. And Germany did not... could not comprehend Italy's fear.

So Italy smiled. Italy went along with it. When Germany was there. When Germany was gone, Italy called the other countries. So they could defend themselves.

"Austria..."

"Italy? What is wrong?"

And he told him.

"Don't worry. We will stop him."

"But don't – don't..."

"We will help him. The best we can. Don't worry, Feli–"

And the line went dead.

Later that day, Germany told Italy (in a voice so dead) that Austria had joined them. Italy had been too shocked to pretend to be okay with it.

"Veneziano, you get out of there right now!"

North Italy gasped, turning to see his brother. "Romano! You shouldn't be here! If Germany sees you..."

"Leave him!" Romano pleaded. "Damn it! I know what you feel for him, but this... you can't do this! He's not the guy you fell in love with anymore!"

"No," Italy shivered. _He's the man I fell in love with twice._

"Vhat are you doing?"

"Germany, no!" Italy screamed.

"Let Feliciano go!" Romano shouted.

His brother had been so brave.

Countries were easily added to the list. Italy could not recall when Germany had managed to undermine so many of them. Italy could not imagine that Germany was capable of this.

"Why did _you_ ally with him?" Italy asked America. America looked at him for a while, then grinned.

The grin was so drawn, so forced, it did not look like America. America looked like he was falling apart on the inside. America looked so thin. America reminded him of Germany.

"_He_ allied with me," America told him. Italy began screaming and hitting him. It did no good. Germany came and pulled him away from America.

America had not been hurt by the encounter.

"There is still hope," England told them. England was trying to keep himself together. Someone had to. Italy had wanted to lean on Austria, but Austria (when not doing as he had been told by Germany) was busy caring for Hungary.

Hungary did not look right, so bloodied.

England was so torn. Everyone else was so ready to blame Germany for America, when they all knew by now they had to blame America for Germany.

But they had to get rid of them both.

"Eat them out from the inside," France laughed softly. "I have a plan."

Italy left before he could know what it was. Not that it helped.

America easily lived through that plan and Germany was obligated to rip apart the one who tried to kill the younger nation.

Italy cried. To Spain. Not that Spain needed his pain. Romano told them both, in a voice so weak it did not sound like him, to grow up and get over it.

"Leave me, Italy," Germany would whisper to him at night, curling up so tight around a pillow. So tight Italy almost thought Germany was trying to suffocate himself. "I can't stop, I can't stop..."

"No," Italy wrapped his arms about him. "But I'll stay all the same."

He was not going to make the same mistake as last time.

"Your boss will realize his mistake soon, right? Then things will be all right. We'll go back to normal."

Germany did not believe him. Italy had to.

"I... I think... things will get better soon," Lichtenstein told him. Italy was inclined to believe it, now that she was involved. Switzerland was screaming murder in his country still untouched by Germany and America.

Switzerland was no longer neutral. And that was all Russia, China, and Japan needed to get in.

That was all Germany needed to declare he did not need America anymore. And America had been so much more weaker, so much more desperate than anyone had known.

"Get out of the way Italy!" England snarled. Italy stood there, watching the gun trained on him, feeling detached.

"Don't hurt him, don't hurt him..." Italy rasped, wondering what he was doing.

"After what he did to America?" England shrieked. "After... after France?"

Italy cried. England shot him.

* * *

And woke up.

The ceiling was beige. Italy did not recognize it instantly. Nor did he recognize the sunlight coming through the window. It seemed so strange, the sun. Italy had become so used to night, so used to the basement, the back room, their room where the blinds were stuck closed...

"Veneziano?" came Spain's voice. Italy looked over to see him walking in. Spain looked concerned. Then a smile (Italy had not seen it in so long) appeared on his face. "You're awake!" Spain said cheerfully. "Romano will be so glad to hear it... all he does now is gripe about you."

"Spain?" Italy questioned, trying to remember how he had gotten here. Trying to remember things in general. His head felt fuzzy. "What happened?"

The smile left Spain's face. "It's... things have been fixed," he seemed to struggle with the words. "The conquering army has been... defeated."

It took a few moments for Italy to remember the conquering army had been Germany.

"And Ludwig?" Italy sat up, feeling a twinge in his shoulder, but not quite comprehending it. "What happened to Ludwig, Antonio? Where is he?"

Spain faltered in responding. Because of that, Italy did not need to hear the response.

He began screaming.

* * *

The rain fit his mood perfectly. Why was it always that rain fit the mood, but not the situation? He would give anything for the rain clouds to leave, so that it would not be so hard to carry the body he held to the door.

He wanted to scream, but did not. He understood America now. Being the top world power in such a world required a damper put on what he truly wanted to do. And there he had just thought America was actually so clueless all the time. How ridiculous. How shallow of him.

It took Austria a bit to answer the door. Not that he had been able to keep track of the passage of time.

"You?" Austria questioned. He extended the blond in his arms to the taller man. "Is this...?"

"Can I trust you to take care of him?" he questioned. His voice was low, because he could not bear to speak louder. Austria, despite the mess the other was in, despite the mud and blood, grabbed who he was carrying and held him close.

"Of course," Austria nodded, already using his fine clothing to stem some of the child's bleeding that he had not been able to. "Is this really... _him_?"

He did not answer. He turned and left.


	2. This Is Now

**This Is Now**

Hungary was humming, opening the door and setting the groceries right inside the door as she closed it behind her. "I'm home!" she called.

The piano playing kept sounding from upstairs. Hungary wondered whether Switzerland had bought Austria that electrical keyboard because he knew just how absorbing it would be as Austria _finally_ tried to learn how to use it.

"Velcome home, Miss Hungary!"

At least _someone's _head was out of the music.

"Ludwig!" Hungary said happily as the teenager entered her sight. "Come here and give me a hug." He fidgeted a bit, but walked over and did as she said. Just like any other teenage boy, really. Except he was so much more considerate than many in this day and age. No one could say Hungary did not know how to raise children!

"Did you find eferyding you needed?" Ludwig asked as she let him go, picking up the groceries for her.

"Yes I did," Hungary replied, moving her camera to rest on her other hip. "Has Roderich been up there all day?"

"Vell..." Ludwig paused, looking at her, then towards the stairs. "Yes. No. Mister Austria gave me my chores for de day before closing himself up up dere." A smirk appeared on his face, which he tried to hide by turning his head. "I dink it has too many buttons for him."

"Does it?" Hungary asked, humoured.

"He got it stuck on de sount of fists."

"The sound of what?" Hungary burst out laughing.

Now Ludwig could not hide his grin. "Of fists. Don't ask me."

"My question is whether _he_ was the one who got it stuck like that." Hungary gave him a knowing look.

Ludwig immediately looked shocked. "Me? I'm sorry! Oh, no! Miss Hungary, I vouldn't to such a ding! I'm sorry!"

He apologized for everything now. It was sad, so very sad. If not an appropriate reminder as to who gave them Ludwig in the first place.

The hard part was determining whether he was telling the truth. He had this kind of reaction whether or not it was his fault. The best way to discover the truth was to keep him like that for a few minutes, because if he had, he could not keep back the smile for that long. But Hungary never had the heart to do that too often, especially when she had no reason to think had done something wrong.

Not that doing _that_ was wrong. It was just another prank. Ludwig very much enjoyed messing around with Austria sometimes.

"I'll go salvage what remains of his sanity then." Hungary gave a fake sigh, heading towards the stairs.

"Ah– Miss Hungary?"

"Yes Ludwig?" she turned around to see him.

Oh, he was so proper. At the same time, just wanting to have fun. Ludwig was just naturally a proper boy and a clean freak. Hungary knew why Austria had given up trying to break these habits. As good as it would be for the boy to know he could just cut loose and have fun, being proper seemed just a part of him. At least, for the most part.

_Not as much as it was for..._

Let alone it tore at Austria to try and make Ludwig not do a perfect job. Hungary took over this element in raising Ludwig. It was easier for her to not scold him for getting brambles all over his nice coats. They both knew they had to break this habit of trying to be perfect as soon as they were able.

"After I finish vith dis," he raised the bags in his hands, "may... may I go out?"

"You have to be home before dinner," she informed him. "_Before_. Because I'll want some help with it."

"Very vell, I vill," came the automatic responses as he rushed off to the kitchen.

"And take your phone with you!" Hungary called over the banister.

"I vill!"

Ludwig had lived here for nearly a year now. Hungary still vividly remembered Austria's face when he told her, when she asked for him, when they decided together on Ludwig's future. Hungary had always wanted a child. Not this way, but as it was the case she decided they would just have to make the most of it.

The war had taken its toll on everyone. And they were left with the image of a friend who no longer existed. Which was truly the question, was it not? Was Ludwig really–

"Austria?"

Almost immediately Austria stopped tinkering with his new-ish toy and turned about on the bench to face her. "Hungary, you've returned quickly."

"There were no lines today," she said, walking over and sitting in his lap. Kissing him was something she could never grow tired of. Thankfully that was not all she loved about him though. Simply for the fact she could probably grow tired of kissing in general otherwise. "I told Ludwig he could go out by himself."

"What?" Austria pulled back from her, frowning slightly. "Why? He was just out this last Saturday on his own."

"Because he wanted to," Hungary responded with a frown of her own. "Why shouldn't he? Might as well go out and have fun while he can."

"'_Go out and...'_ My dear, he always comes back absolutely filthy."

"Which is a_ good _thing," she reminded him, pressing her forehead against his. "Remember, Roderich, that we have a child on our hands we are trying to keep from being perfect."

Austria sighed, leaning back slightly. "Never in my life did I think I would have to repress _good_ behaviour."

"Getting a little dirty isn't bad," Hungary laughed.

"It is never '_a little'_," Austria retorted. "He should spend more time in town. Talking to people. _His_ people. He spends all his time out in the fields. The woods. Really anywhere he can walk to. I can tell by everything he tracks back into this house."

"And?" Hungary prompted. There was more to this than he was saying. Austria sighed.

"He's going to end up walking into someone else's land and causing an uproar."

"Ludwig knows what's off limits to him. Please try and trust him. He's a good boy."

"Yes. I know."

The unspoken words were hovering between them. Hungary bit the inside of her cheek. She, under no circumstances, could mention the Holy Roman Empire.

She may be able to speak occasionally of Germany to Austria, but never the Holy Roman Empire.

* * *

"_Schwarz, schwarz, schwarz sind alle meine Kleider._"

He sang quietly as he balanced on top of the stone wall. There were many holes in it, many places where it had long since fallen apart. But there were no people near here, so no one to fix it. He had often considered fixing it himself, but had never gotten around to it. Something in his head kept telling him it should be fixed, but then walking on top of it would be too easy.

"_Schwarz, schwarz, schwarz ist alles, was ich hab._"

Ludwig knew Mister Austria would rather that he be in town. He also knew Miss Hungary would rather he be at home. Yet when it came to what _he_ wanted Austria would usually keep him home and Hungary would send him out.

Neither of them made much sense. Not that Ludwig could judge. He owed them so much. Taking care of him ever since they had found him, all of the lessons he had to be given and the chores he added to their already full list, he owed them everything. Ludwig knew right away he would never be able to pay them back. And he _wanted_ to.

But how could he start? Doing what he was told, being as little of a nuisance as possible... Ludwig tried that. It still did not seem like enough.

Get out of their way?

Ludwig knew he was a bit pessimistic. Hungary would be devastated if he left and Austria would probably blame himself. He tried hard to not walk down that path. As Hungary always said, he was young, he ought to act childish while he still could.

Hungary said that very often. It was as if Ludwig would forget he was not an adult. He was only sixteen. He thought.

He was told he was a country and so the age of their bodies could not really be measured in the same way. Ludwig believed this. It was just something he _knew_. He knew he was New Germany. He just did not understand all what that was suppose to entail.

What happened to the old Germany?

Austria was very tight lipped on the subject. Current politics and economics he was taught, history he was not. Ludwig would give anything to learn history. He knew it was out there.

He had none of his own. Why could he not learn of other people's, those who still knew theirs? Ludwig was jealous of them, able to remember a past. He had none.

"_Darum lieb ich alles, was so schwarz ist._"

Ludwig almost lost his balance as he spotted someone in the distance. There was usually no one out here, at least during this time of the afternoon – when Ludwig usually passed by this field. It should not matter that much. He should go over and talk to the man. Austria was always pushing him to talk to his people. Ludwig did not feel as if he should.

Was he embarrassed that he was their country? Or maybe ashamed that Humans actually knew more about his existence than he did at this time?

"_Weil mein Schatz ein Schornsteinfeger ist._"

"Ludwig?"

At the sound of his name, Ludwig fell off the wall.

"Ludwig!"

Ludwig let out a hissed breath, rising back to his feet and trying to brush off the mud from his clothing. Not that it mattered much, it was not as if he could rid himself of all the traces. He would have to run in the house to change before anyone saw him! Hopefully Hungary would not be waiting at the door...

"It _is_ you! You're alive! Ludwig–" the man on the other side of the wall was now leaning over the top and looking down at him. Ludwig looked up.

The man was albino. Strange he had not been able to tell from a distance. It was distinctly noticeable as the other was wearing all black. The fact, however, was that Ludwig did not know this man. And for some reason Ludwig was certain this was not one of his people. He did not seem Human. He seemed Nation.

"I'm sorry, you must be mistaking me for someone else."

The man was staring at him, as if he could not quite believe it.

"You look... you look like how I fount you."

The teenager took a few steps back. "I'm sorry! You must be mistaking me for someone else! Sorry!"

With that he ran home. Leaving Prussia, leaning over the broken stone, staring at him with wonder.

* * *

_A passage from a children's song, Grün sind alle meine Kleider, or Green are all my Clothes._

_Translation:_

_Black, black, black are all my clothes,_

_Black, black, black is all that I have._

_So I love anything that's black,_

_Because my love is a chimney sweep._


	3. Where We Stand

**Where We Stand**

_He heard someone stepping through the ashes and... flames. He rose once more... to see whom he was almost... see right now._

"_G..."_

"–––"

"_Have you... kill me?"_

_...hand was on his... holding a gun... was usually... but this time he was not. He looked miserable... he wished he could understand why. But... too much and he lost control... He was so sick of..._

"_I'm so sorry..."_

"_...be."_

* * *

Ludwig hated dreams. Most were unrealistic and random, no point to them. Miss Hungary told him she could control her dreams to do what she wished, but he was nowhere near as lucky. His dreams did what they wanted with him. He had no control. He hated those dreams.

But even worse were the ones which made sense. The ones which almost seemed as if there was something behind them. Those which seemed as if there was a history behind them. He wanted these dreams so badly, but when he woke up, all he was left with was their fragments. Fragments of something which seemed so important. If he had not needed sleep he would forgo it all together so he would not have to be bothered with the memory of something he could not completely remember.

It taunted him. He hated it.

"I don't know how I let this get away from me," Hungary hummed, standing in front of the oven. Ludwig looked over the refrigerator door at her before returning the shelving back inside. Cleaning the kitchen was one of his favourite chores. Hungary always joined him. Her commentary always made the fact that both were irritated the kitchen could get so dirty so quickly less important than it might have been.

Ludwig liked cleaning, but he also liked it when his work was not destroyed so quickly.

"It's probably coveret in cake,_ ja_?" Ludwig ducked back down into the refrigerator to start to replace the food back where it belonged before he smiled.

"Oh, don't you believe it," Hungary sounded a bit irritated. "Where is Austria? _He_ should be cleaning this, not me._ I_ never leave it in such a state." Despite her words, she began rolling up her sleeves as she prepared for the job. Ludwig finished what he was doing and closed the door.

"I'll get startet on de larder." Ludwig started towards it, not missing Hungary's scowl as she swatted at his shoulder.

"Of course you would, that's always clean!" Ludwig ducked into it just as she stuck her tongue out at him and pulled her hair back. "Don't eat anything and spoil your lunch!"

"Yes Miss Hungary!" Ludwig responded automatically. He pulled some cashews out of a jar and nibbled on them quietly. He found a plastic bag with the pogácsa Hungary had made the other night and grabbed that as well.

It was not as if Hungary would know, he tended to eat what she made and more.

"Can ve hafe pasta?"

"We just had pasta last night!"

"I know..." Ludwig stared at his hands. He could not help the fact that he really liked pasta. For some reason Hungary could never seem to make enough of it for him. Ludwig almost thought he was a picky eater, but it was not as if he would not eat other things, or that he did not like other foods more. Ludwig just felt as if he should be eating more pasta.

He heard the doorbell. Hungary bit off a curse.

"I'll get it, Miss Hungary," he assured her, heading for the front door.

He was a bit nervous. He had never answered the front door before. People did not show up more than once a month. Ludwig was certain while that was not normal for Humans, it was normal for Nations, but he had begun to have the idea it was not normal for Nations either.

Noticing he still had the pogácsa in hand he hid it behind his back and opened the door with his other hand to find himself face to face with the albino from the other day.

Ludwig quickly tried to think of the right thing to say. "C-can I... help you?"

The other Nation was about to say something, snapped his jaw shut, then opened it again.

"Is Roderich in dere?"

"Mister Austria is–"

"Mister?" the other man gawked. Ludwig knew his ears were burning now.

"I'm sorry I'll get him," his words rushed together. And with that he shut the door in the Nation's face and ran up the stairs.

"Ludwig?" Hungary was calling from the kitchen, but by then he was already up the stairs and in front of Austria's study. Trying to steady his hand, he knocked in the door.

"Mister Austria?" Ludwig called. "Dere's... dere's someone at de door for you." A few seconds later the door was flung open.

"You opened the door?" Austria asked incredulously. Before Ludwig could answer Austria had rushed down the stairs. Ludwig moved towards the banister and glanced around the wall and down to where both he and Hungary were now facing the third Nation.

"You hafe a lot to answer for!" the newcomer was exclaiming. Hungary had her arms folded in front of her, but not in anger. More as if she were hugging herself. Austria also was nervous. Ludwig could tell as Austria's hand kept coming up and pushing his glasses up his nose even though they were in no danger of falling.

"I'll explain, Gilbert," Austria was saying. "Just calm yourself."

"Calm – calm myself? You _hid _him from me!"

"I said calm yourself. I owe you no explanation."

"Roderich..." Hungary said quietly, warningly.

"Well I don't. Behave yourself in my household, Prussia, or you will be told nothing."

By this point Ludwig knew something big was going on and he would be in more trouble than he cared to even accidentally fall into if he was caught listening in. He sneaked down the stairs as they headed into the drawing room and into the kitchen.

He stopped to leave a note and was out the back door.

* * *

Prussia was unable to sit still in his chair, but Austria took his time. Really, he should not even be calling him Prussia as the new country still had not come up with a formal name yet, but old habits were very hard to break. Hungary had wanted to stay, but he had managed to excuse her by suggesting she get them refreshments.

Not that he would touch it. And Prussia was only likely to touch it if it was something alcoholic. Especially when Austria was done speaking. Still, it gave Hungary some time to compose herself. Austria would try and do as best as he could on his own.

He made certain the doors were locked. Best that Ludwig did not walk into this.

"What all do you know about the war?" Austria began. Prussia scoffed.

"Most of it. I vas stuck fighting vith Russia, remember?"

Austria nodded. "What about the end then? It was very messy."

Prussia stared down at the ground in front of his spread feet. "Ger... He bombed America's refugee camps. England took North Italy by storm. Spain vas able to keep... to keep France from dying and took both Italians under his wing. Belarus ant Switzerland liberated Lichtenstein. Russia secured Canada... vhat am I supposed to be saying?"

"How did you hear that Germany had died?"

Prussia did not respond instantly. Austria felt guilt rising up in him, but pushed it back_. I do not owe Prussia answers, I am simply being nice. Prussia was Germany's brother, Germany's mentor, raised him since he found him on the battlefield... Prussia does not deserve to know._

At least, this is what Austria tried to convince himself.

"De same vay most did. Not like he vas important to me or anything. Just a general _for-your-information_. Like it vas one of _his_ stupid bullet points!"

"It hurt him too. Germany was his friend," Austria responded, urgent to nip any resentment as quickly as he could. War had just ended, it was best to try and keep people on tolerable speaking terms at the very least. "_He_ gave us New Germany."

"_He_... New Germany?" Prussia finally stared back at him. "Vhy you?"

"I must admit, we were not in the best condition to take care of him at first," Austria sighed. "But he had his reasons and I am beginning to understand some of them."

"But-but dat _is_ Ludwig?" Prussia asked the question that had obviously been plaguing him from the first. "My Ludwig? My bruder? Ger... Germany?"

Austria shut his eyes.

"I don't know, Gilbert. He looks just like him. He has some of the same habits, some of the same parts of Germany's personality. But... but is that because he was Germany, or because he was born of Germany's death? I do not know. _He_ did not tell me."

And with that Austria rose and went to join Hungary in the kitchen to give Prussia the privacy to cry.

* * *

"_Grün, grün, grün sind alle meine Kleider._"

The words left his mouth slowly as he glanced about himself, making certain that he remembered where he was so he would not get lost. It took a lot for Ludwig to get lost, but he did not want to start making a habit out of it.

"_Grün, grün, grün ist alles, was ich hab._"

He remembered the time when he, Austria, and Hungary went into town and he looked away from Austria for one moment while Hungary was buying something (_in a store neither man would be caught dead in_) and Austria was gone. He and Hungary spent hours looking for him. Austria had wandered nearly into what Hungary said was someone named Vash's land before they had managed to find him.

Ludwig memorized Vash's name, just to try and find out who it might be. Hungary would avoid the subject, always looking toward Austria, who would say something about him sorting himself out before learning about anyone else.

It started to rain and Ludwig made a face at the clothes he was wearing. Of course he would be wearing a coat and shirt which would be easily stained by the rain. Whatever. Austria being mad at his state of clothing would be normal. And if he was mad at him Ludwig would feel less inclined to ask who this Prussia was and who they were talking about.

The pogácsa was in a plastic bag on his belt, so it would be fine.

"_Darum lieb ich alles was so grün ist._"

Ludwig did his best to stay under the covering of the trees. He should probably head back, even though there were a few hours left until dinner. Taking off a glove, he reached down into mud which had been drying until the rain returned just now. Ludwig liked mud, in a somewhat perverse way. He knew it did not help anything. It was the opposite of the clean he liked so much, but... he found himself wiping his hand off on his trousers and trying not to laugh for some reason.

"_Weil mein Schatz ein Jäger, Jäger ist._"

Which was when he heard the bark. The bark came from right behind him and Ludwig almost fell into the mud. Unconsciously stuffing his glove into his pocket, he turned around to be tackled by a large four legged creature.

"_Aus! Aus!_" Ludwig found himself pleading, just as a pink tongue came out of the black creature and started to his face. Ludwig was no longer panicking, but now staring up at the face of a Great Dane who was content with kissing him. Just as he was about to try and push the dog away, another face joined the first.

"**Aus!**" he commanded with a force he did not know he had. Just like that both of the dogs moved back.

Dazed, Ludwig sat up, feeling the mud all up his back and in his hair. He brought his uncovered hand back and wiped the back of his head off before staring at his completely stained hand. "Vell, danks a lot," he told the dogs, who were now both sitting there with wiggling tails.

He was right, the first dog was a Great Dane, all black but for a white patch on his underbelly. The other was a fawn Doberman Pinscher, undocked and ears not cropped. Ludwig, though not absolutely certain, believed that the wagging tails meant he was not dinner, even though they looked as if they were starved.

"Vhat are you boys doing out here?" Ludwig asked. The Doberman scooted closer. Ludwig looked around and corrected himself. "Girls, ah? I'm sorry. Vhat are you _girls_ doing out here? Lost?"

The Dane lied down, nosing his foot. Ludwig looked down at his foot, up his leg, and saw the muddied bag with the pogácsa in it.

"Lost ant hungry?" he asked, reaching for it. A small whine escaped the Doberman as he pulled the food out. "It'll do you better dan it vill me."

Dropping the scones to the ground, Ludwig quickly retrieved his hand as both of the dogs tore into the food. Thinking back, he should have considered that there might be a fight over the food, but there was none. It was all gone quickly and the Doberman started licking his hand.

"I'm not food," he told her.

She set her head down on his leg, but he rose to his feet. Now he was completely soaked and muddied. He would have to go home and find a way of getting in without tracking everything behind him and infuriating Austria. Hungary did not get mad about the messes he made. Just as long as he cleaned them up in the end.

"Go home," he told them, heading in the direction of his own home. It only took him a few moments to realize they were following him. "I'm sorry, I don't hafe any more food. Go home."

They stood there and stared up at him. Ludwig stared back for a few moments before walking again. Looking behind him, they were still following him. He stopped again.

"Mister Austria vould nefer allow me to let you insite. I'm sorry," he sighed, patting the Great Dane on the head. "Go home."

The Doberman cocked her head at him. Ludwig started again. They followed again.

He let out a laugh and ran. They followed.

* * *

"Are we going to have to nail the phone to that boy's wrist?" Austria scowled, pacing in front of the door. Hungary had been trying to give him a shoulder rub, but he had not stayed still for it. It was late and his note had said he would be back for dinner.

It was after dinner.

Why did the boy continuously forget the only way Austria could keep track of him outside of the house?

"He would ruin it in the shower, Roderich," Hungary called from upstairs. For some reason she was not as worried. Austria could not see why.

"Whatever happened to those waterproof phones?" he retorted.

"The material they used to make it waterproof turned out to be a cause of skin cancer."

Austria groaned, just as the door opened.

"Ludwig!" he barked, and the blond stopped right in the doorway. Austria could have said more, but the words were sort of taken out of his brain when he saw Blackie and Aster push open the door. Ludwig grabbed both of them from around the necks and kept them right inside, the three of them dripping on the floor.

"I'm sorry! I triet to make dem go home, but dey only followed me ant I coultn't just leafe dem outsite in dis veather ant I ran everyvhere dinking ve vould come close enough to deir home ant dey vould stop, but dey didn't–"

Austria rose a hand. "Enough!" Ludwig fell silent, staring up from his place between Germany's two dogs.

Germany's dogs. They were already making a complete mess of the front entryway. But they were Germany's dogs. Following Ludwig. Another coincidence? Austria had no idea. The very idea of these giant, messy, brutes in his house was laughable.

"I could take care of dem," Ludwig continued quietly. "I'll keep dem from trouble, I vill. Dey already listen vell. I promise I vill take responsibility for dem, I promise."

"Do you even know the first thing about taking care of dogs?" Austria asked, trying to put up the fight he already knew he was throwing.

"I learn quickly! Miss Hungary alvays says so," Ludwig said sheepishly. "Dey're good togs, Mister Austria.

Austria found that he was trying to think of where Berlitz could be. Those three dogs were inseparable. And if one saw Germany, the other two would follow.

If one saw Ludwig, the other two should follow.

"Dry them off, get out of those muddy clothes, and clean the floor," Austria said. "You aren't getting dinner, you're too late for it."

As soon as those words escaped his mouth, Ludwig hugged him. Austria stiffened, from the first fact that he was not used to the teenager giving _him_ hugs, and the second because he was now covered in mud.

"_Ludwig!_ Get out of those muddy clothes!" he shouted and Ludwig let go.

"I'm sorry! I vill!" Ludwig ran up the stairs. The dogs leapt after him. It took every effort for Austria not to scream.

Later, in his room (after making certain Ludwig was also cleaning the rest of the trail he and the dogs had created), Hungary massaging his shoulders, he found himself calling Prussia.

"Vhat d'you vant, Roderich?"

"I need you to find Berlitz."

"Vhat?"

"Aster and Blackie followed Ludwig home."

It was quiet for some time. Hungary pressed a kiss on the back of his neck.

"Only if I get to see Ludwig again."

Austria tried not to bit back a retort. How he was trying so hard to first mould Ludwig into a good country before testing him against other Nations!

"Call me back Gilbert, and we'll arrange for a time."

"Done deal."

* * *

_Another passage from the children's song, Grün sind alle meine Kleider._

_Translation:_

_Green, green, green are all my clothes,_

_Green, green, green is all that I have._

_So I love anything that is green,_

_Because my love is a hunter, a hunter._

_"_Aus_" = "Off."_

_Docking is cutting the tail of a young dog short, just as cropping is the process of cutting a puppy's ears. Both were done to specific breeds in order to increase efficiency in whatever field they were in, such as hunting. In many places now both are illegal._

_I made the skin cancer thing up. I have no idea, really._


	4. Loving Child Of Your Care

**Loving Child Of Your Care**

_His home was... right with him. This place no longer felt like his home anymore. There was nowhere ... one place where... felt at peace and he..._

_Aster growled._

"_Dis is de end," Ludwig sighed... "Go on..." he pushed her towards the door. "Blackie... _Ab._"_

_The three... remotely interested in... order. Ludwig knew why... understood more than most... credit for. Still..._

"Ab!"_ he demanded... slunk out the door. ––– put her nose against his leg... licked his glove... hesitate._

_'I don't want to...'_

"**Ab!**_" he shouted, pointing out the door. And with that..._

_'But I can't... after this.'_

* * *

Ludwig had decided on names. They may have been a part of those horrible dreams, but it was the part he could actually remember from a dream which seemed to have a _history_. The dreams might have been influenced by what had happened, but the important thing was that the names seemed to fit. Even more so than Ludwig had initially thought.

"Aster. Blackie."

Both dogs turned their heads towards him, Aster from her place at the end of his bed and Blackie from near the door.

Well, if they were happy with the names, Ludwig would just have to stick with them.

"These collars are wrecked," Hungary frowned as Aster pushed her nose into Hungary's stomach. "As we're going to have to buy new tags... have you thought of any names?"

"Uh... _ja_," Ludwig shifted slightly. Thinking about it now, it was a bit embarrassing to think he had taken them from a dream. Ridiculous. Names were important, names meant something. Just to take them because they were the first names he could remember from his dreams was demeaning.

"That was fast. Well?" she asked, looking toward him expectantly.

"Don't laugh, okay Miss Hungary? De names came to me last night, from a dream," he looked down at his feet.

"I won't laugh," she told him quietly, reaching a hand to stroke back his hair. "Goodness, Ludwig, you're taller than me! That did not take long. When were you going to ask to go shopping?"

Ludwig gaped for a moment, unable to come up with an answer. He had not planned on telling her at all. Because then she would spend more time coming up with things for him and he was already in the way as it was...

"We can stop by some clothing stores when we buy the dogs' things," she said, not waiting for his answer, which was good because it was not coming. "What were these names you came up with?"

"Blackie ant Aster."

Miss Hungary paused in mid motion of leaning down to pat Blackie. "Really?" The sound of her voice was incredulous, hesitant, slightly broken.

"To you... dink dey're no good?" Ludwig asked quietly, wringing his hands behind his back. "I'm sorry."

"No! Oh, no!" she responded instantly, reaching for him and hugging him. Ludwig felt confused by how she was reacting, but could not think of any words which would communicate this confusion well. "I think those are wonderful names. They fit them perfectly. Absolutely perfect."

She stood there, chin resting on his shoulder. Ludwig was not certain what to do, so he slowly hugged her back.

"Come on then. You can tell me about this dream of yours in the car," she pulled back, giving him a smile.

"Mister Austria not coming vith us?" Ludwig questioned. Hungary shook her head.

"We're going to be buying a lot, I didn't think either of us could be burdened with holding his hand at the same time," she giggled. Ludwig bit back a smile, turning his face away and shaking his head. "Plus he does not want the dogs being left here, so they're coming in the car with us. And God help him if he was stuck in a car with some dogs!"

"Blackie, Aster, _komm_," he waved them over and both dogs followed after.

It was while he was sitting the passenger seat of the car that she brought it up again.

"What was the dream about?"

"Um..." Ludwig stared down at his feet. "It's noding, really..."

"Come on." She gave him a sideways glance, smiling. "They're just dreams. I'll never know whether your omitting something..."

"Dere isn't much to say," Ludwig responded. "De ones like I hat last night... I barely remember dem. Dere alvays seems to be someding more to dem... like a history."

"A history?"

"Not like it is ransom – like it's following a chain of events. Like it's real. But I can't remember it."

"Most dreams fade away quickly," Hungary mused, gasping as Blackie licked her ear. "Ludwig, could you try and keep your dogs in the back seat?"

Ludwig looked back at them. Despite Blackie being so big (not that Aster was small), they looked rather comfortable. Then again, that could be because Blackie was slinking into the front. "Stay back dere," he pushed at her. Blackie easily fell into the back seats, slightly on top of Aster, who let out a whine.

"I'll buy you a journal."

"Vhat?" Ludwig turned back up front, looking from Hungary to out the window as they entered town.

"A journal," Hungary repeated. "For you to write in. You can write it down as soon as you wake up, before you forget it all. In fact, you can use it to write down what happens in the day as well. There is nothing better than being able to analyse your day! At least..."

Hungary did not finish that sentence, just looked over at him for a moment before parking the car and undoing her seat belt.

"Dat's okay, Miss Hungary," Ludwig looked down. "I... I don't need dat. I't probably forget about it."

"Can I tell you a secret?" Hungary asked, turning towards him. As soon as Ludwig nodded she said: "Roderich keeps a journal. Writes in it all the time."

"Really?" Ludwig asked. Hungary nodded.

"Especially right before he goes to bed. Probably entries venting about your dogs now," she laughed. Ludwig tried to say something, but the words left his head before he could say them. If Mister Austria did such things...

"I suppose... I could try it."

"Excellent!" Hungary said happily, opening the door. "But first things first: collars and leashes."

* * *

"No, Ludwig, you're starting too loud! _Pianissimo!_ Not _piano_. Start again."

Germany could never play the piano. He tried, once. Austria had immediately been able to tell that he had no talent. Thinking back on it now, he wondered whether he knew this because inwardly he could remember trying to teach the Holy Roman Empire. Empire wished to learn so badly, but after so many attempts had not even begun to improve.

"Pedal!"

Ludwig was different. Ludwig had the makings of at least an amateur pianist. Maybe he had not shown as much interest at first as either the Holy Roman Empire or Germany, but then again Ludwig was much more subdued in expressing certain personal wishes than either the others had ever been. There was no hiding Ludwig's enjoyment of music though. Austria could almost see Italy there, in his mind's eye, peeking through the door as he played.

"Slower now, _ritardando_..."

Though Ludwig used to run away when Austria gave notice to him at these times. It was as if he thought Austria did not want him listening. Austria could not imagine what gave the boy that impression.

"Don't drag!"

Austria had no idea what had given him the idea to even suggest such an arrangement. Piano lessons? If Hungary had not convinced him, he would have never gone through with this. He already had issues trying to find enough patience to live with a child in his house (let alone a child who had managed to convince him of housing two dogs), let alone teach him piano. He was so afraid it would be another similarity to the other man he would be unable to bear it.

"And quieter... quieter..."

It brought the question back to him once more. Was Ludwig really born of his friend's death? It hurt thinking of Germany. The fact Ludwig looked so much like him made it hard not to think of it. It was one of the reasons Austria had no qualms about Ludwig's long hair. He did not want to see if Ludwig looked _exactly_ like the other with his hair cut short. It was not fair to place his thoughts and feelings of Germany on Ludwig. It was not the boy's fault he looked like him. Acted like him.

Was him?

"Again, start from the beginning."

Ludwig stared at the sheet music, for what was now known as 'Für Elise', a moment before starting again. This time, Austria simply listened. The soft from the quiet, loud in the change back to the start, style and technique... From the first note to the last chord he simply listened. Hearing the original in his head. It was not fair, no. And every musician could take their own opinion of a piece. But the composer would always have the origin. The origin where Austria remembered requesting a piece for a certain woman in 1810 with a single strain in mind.

He heard the door opened and turned to see Elizaveta, staring at him her question. He walked over to her and she gave him a kiss on the cheek.

"Well?"

"It was... tolerable," he said to Hungary as he left the room. He could hear her behind him, but did not stop to pretend to correct her.

"He loved it, Ludwig! He thought it was magnificent!"

* * *

"_Weiß, weiß, weiß sind alle meine Kleider._"

It was not often Mister Austria allowed him to help with baking. Whenever Austria decided to bake it was usually something he did on his own, not even with Hungary. Though Hungary told Ludwig she was just as glad for it as she could barely stand cake anymore. Austria loved it though, made his own with a touch... well, with the touch of someone who had been baking since before ovens were invented. It was his 'secret' passion.

Ludwig often would look in when Austria began baking, but tried not to disturb his caretaker. Usually, Austria never seemed to notice. This time, however, he had invited the youth in to help him. Ludwig was nearly in awe, wondering exactly what he might have done to be allowed this, but too afraid to ask. So he fetched ingredients while singing under his breath.

"_Weiß, weiß, weiß ist alles was ich hab._"

Watching Austria bake was almost a surreal experience. Ludwig understood by now how Austria's personality was. He was a man who would prefer to live by simple necessities. Of which a piano was considered necessary. All fancy additions were not objects Austria particularly cared for. Yet he owned them because he did not want others to think of him as less for the lack of his expensive tastes.

This charade Austria put up for others followed him into the door and for an hour after before he would return to himself.

Austria was not extremely strict and only pretended to be serious. The only times Austria was very strict was when it came to his music, when he would mention how Ludwig was going to have to learn to mend his own clothing, and when he made his comments about how lenient Hungary was when Ludwig knew Austria would never be more strict than she. Both knew who ruled this household and neither pretended otherwise.

But it was only when Austria was baking that his _real_ concentration could be seen. Austria played the piano more easily than he could breathe and usually viewed his work with an air of indifference. Baking was another way for Austria to wind down (not that Ludwig saw him wound _up_ very often), but with enough regiment that he actually appeared to be paying absolute attention to the world outside his head.

Ludwig liked the kitchen. Cooking was exact with rules called recipes that would always turn out the same way as long as you followed them exactly each time.

"_Darum lieb ich alles, was so weiß ist._"

"What are you singing?"

"Ah... it's noding. Just some notes."

Austria put the filled pan into the oven.

"...I see."

Ludwig licked the bowl as he took it to the sink. Chocolate. He loved Austria's chocolate. He glanced back at the other, who was staring still at the oven.

"_Weil mein Schatz ein Bäcker, Bäcker ist._"

"Ludwig," Austria turned toward him. Ludwig stopped. Austria had a look on his face which, although it was familiar, Ludwig knew for certain he had never seen before.

"Yes, Mister Austria?"

Austria stood silent for a moment.

"Ludwig... You do know, whatever happens... I will... I... well," Austria seemed unable to finish his statement.

The correct answer would be '_no, I have no idea what you are saying_' but Ludwig stayed quiet and waited for him to try and finish talking.

"Elizaveta and I will always do whatever we can for you. You do know this?"

"Of course, Mister Austria." Sometimes he wished they would not trouble themselves, that they would not burden themselves with _him_, but he knew they would do so anyway. And Ludwig had yet to decide whether he would rather they not. Selfishly though... selfishly he was glad. So glad.

"Call me Roderich," Austria said slowly. Ludwig stared.

"Mister Roderich...?" Ludwig attempted. Austria sighed, shaking his head. "I'm sorry..."

"Don't be." Austria smiled. "You have chocolate on your nose."

Ludwig tried to wipe it off and Austria laughed.

* * *

_Another passage from the children's song, Grün sind alle meine Kleider._

_Translation:_

_White, white, white are all my clothes,_

_White, white, white is all that I have._

_So I love anything that is white,_

_Because my love is a baker, a baker._

"Ab"_ = "Go outside."_

"Komm"_ = "Come." Thanks so much to Rinael, who has offered to be my German translator!_


	5. The People He Knew

**The People _He_ Knew**

"_...y"_

"–––"

"_...come to kill me?"_

_...hand was on his... another holding a gun... usually expressionless, but this time he was not. He looked... wished he could understand why. But think too much and... was so sick of living like this._

"_I'm..."_

"_Don't be."_

_They were speaking... but as soon as... sudden move... pull the trigger. And as much as he wanted to give... excuse to kill him, he found... opening which would mean... advantage._

_Part of the roof fell down... acted._

* * *

'He was in my dreams again.

It is always the same place, the same time. Nearing dark, I think, but there is enough light from fire which always seems to be burning. The building is always destroyed – I am always standing in the middle of it.

I don't leave. I must be waiting.

I can never remember what the man looks like. I know I am looking down at him, even from the distance between us. It seems physical, not metaphorical. Whoever it is is shorter than me. But considering how tall I've grown it is not as if that leaves out many. It's just a guess though. Maybe I am remembering wrong.

He has a gun. Or I have a gun. Maybe the both of us do and this is a face off. I cannot imagine why, but it would explain why I was waiting there. Someone is going to die because of this meeting.

Whether him or me, I don't know. It's so difficult to tell anything.

It all fades away so quickly.'

* * *

The doorbell sounded.

He really should not be so nervous.

Prussia knew this. Everything had been moving so fast ever since the war ended. Actually, things were moving quickly through the war, especially the end. At the point when Switzerland joined to what Sweden told him they would have to just consider as victory... to now. It all moved so quickly. Prussia liked acting out of kilter to the times, but he liked to know what the times were so he could correspond himself better.

Ringing the doorbell once more, he wondered how he would be able to say what he wanted to say. Part of the deal was that he was not to talk to Ludwig as if he knew him. Ludwig was not Germany. Prussia could not believe this – he looked exactly like him. Not exactly when he had picked the youth out of a pool of his own blood... but close enough.

Close enough.

Austria opened the door. "You're early," he said with some measure of amazement.

"Oh no, did I throw off your schedule?" Prussia's hand clutched his chest in mock pain. Austria narrowed his eyes.

"Come in." It was a monotone, but he still said it and Prussia walked inside.

"Since you ant Hungary got back togeder, your place's gotten much cleaner," Prussia drawled. Austria shut the door sharply, stopping and staring at his arm.

"What is that?" he asked. Prussia looked at the green band which contrasted with the rest of the black he wore.

"_Hoffnung._"

"Why don't you have a seat? I'll get Ludwig," Austria headed up the stairs. "And don't touch anything!"

"Like I'd vant to touch anything in your house!" Prussia retorted, poking at the bookshelf. Dusted and everything. Oh, Elizaveta had made her hand very obvious. The inside of the house actually matched what the outside of the house looked like! He even bet Austria was not wearing the same thing he wore yesterday or anything like that anymore. Still, there were a few things that never changed. Prussia reached forward to push a finger down on one of the ivory keys–

"Don't you dare."

Prussia turned. Austria looked absolutely furious, which cowed him slightly. Really, he thought he might get a reaction from actually playing a note, but!

"I haven't done anyding yet, calm down!" Prussia put his hands up in a mock surrender. Austria did not calm down.

"Ludwig's not here," Austria seemed to be forcing the words through his teeth. Prussia blinked.

"Did he go vith Hungary?"

"No, she would have told me," Austria pushed up his glasses and walked over to the window. "What's even more troublesome, he left this," he held up a cell phone in his hand.

"Dat his?"

"No, it's mine," Austria grumbled, strangely sarcastic. "Spends more time in my hand that it does his! He never takes it anywhere – I cannot think of any other Nation who forgets their cell phone, none!"

"So he's gone out?" Prussia asked, a bit put out.

"Without asking. Again. I don't know what's come over him, he never used to do this."

Prussia laughed, causing Austria to turn toward him. "Maybe he's got more of a rebellious streak in him dan you knew!"

"Never you mind," Austria shook his head. Prussia sat down on the couch. "We might as well speak of this then."

"Speak of vhat?" Prussia asked, confused.

Austria crossed his arms in front of him, almost seeming reluctant to speak. "I take it you did not find Berlitz."

Prussia's smile fell from his face.

"I fount a grave," he told Austria. Austria shut his eyes, as if biding back a headache. Prussia stared out the window. "It vasn't big enough for... for a person." It was not assuring, because the news still was not good. It was not Germany's grave, at least. One thing he was certain of now, was that Germany had not been buried there.

Austria reopened his eyes. "What?"

"It vasn't big enough for a person," Prussia repeated. "Dough... It vas big enough for a large dog. At least, big enough for a German Shepherd."

_Big enough for Berlitz._

And for only a second time, Prussia was almost glad his brother was either dead or did not remember anything. Hearing news of his beloved dog's death would tear him apart.

If he was not already.

* * *

"_Blau, blau, blau sind alle meine Kleider._"

Mister Roderich would be thrilled that he was in town. Certainly he was not _mingling_, but it was a step in the right direction, Ludwig believed. In promising to take care of the dogs he had to make certain they got both plenty of exercise and plenty of training. They were very perceptive and already listened to him a majority of the time, but there was always room for improvement.

Especially as Aster had taken a fancy toward Austria's old piano. Sniffing at it as though she wanted to sink her teeth into it. Ludwig had no doubts it probably smelled very interesting to a dog, but even if Austria only saw her looking at it with interest Ludwig had no doubt the dogs would be either kicked out of the house or (at best) permanently made to stay outside.

Both options which meant he could not keep them with him at all times. And Ludwig felt rather more comfortable with them with him than without them.

"_Blau, blau, blau ist alles, was ich hab._"

They had only been around for a week, but it was almost difficult to imagine going back to how life was before they had appeared. Dogs fit in with his schedule perfectly. Ludwig made certain of this, so that Mister Roderich could not have any reason to change his mind about letting him keep them. They were very good girls. A bit lax at commands, and both prone to knocking Austria over, but he had only had them both a week! He was working on it!

Aster began growling and Ludwig turned to see what might be bothering her. The more important thing though, was that Blackie began to growl as well. Blackie was always the quieter of the two and Ludwig tended to zone in more on when she was vocal than Aster.

"_Darum lieb ich alles, was so blau ist._"

Ludwig spotted the person who had their attention. He looked like a foreigner, but Ludwig could not see his face well from under that hat. Did not help that he had become taller. It was almost easier to see people when he first remembered waking up in the house, having to look up and see Austria and Hungary. It was not by much, but it was enough.

He gave both leashes a sharp tug, quietening the two. Ludwig still kept his eye on the man though, he was not stupid enough as to ignore a warning. Though what could possibly be wrong with this person? He did not seem threatening...

"_Weil mein Schatz ein Seemann, Seema_–"

The man looked up toward him. The _Nation_ looked at him.

Germany felt as if something was squeezing his head, his heart.

And the next thing he knew he had already ran halfway back home, leashes not in hand, and dogs running after him.

Ludwig finally managed to calm himself while in the woods, if just for the sake of the dogs who had both become depressed while they sat there and waited for him. He scratched Aster behind the ears and patted the lower of Blackie's back.

"_Was meint ihr, Mädchen?_" he asked them. Aster licked his glove and Ludwig tried to think about his reaction. There was no reason for it. He just saw him and...

Why did that Nation look so familiar? He had only ever seen three Nations. Austria, Hungary, and the one that Austria had called Prussia. Hungary had mentioned that he was a friend. A friend he had not met during the year he had stayed in their home?

He had the feeling it had something to do with the fact Austria would not allow him to learn any history. Or meet any of the other Nations. He had his reasons, Ludwig knew this, but...

_But..._

"_Reiß dich zuammen_," Ludwig told himself. With a sigh, he returned to his feet and took off the leashes. "_Komm_."

They walked back to the house slowly.

"Where have you been?" Austria demanded. Ludwig stared at him with confusion. Blackie, who rather liked Austria, came over and tried to kiss him. "Ah! No!"

"Ah! N_ein, aus, böse _Blackie! I'm sorry!" Ludwig grabbed his collar and pulled him back just as Austria tried to push him away. "I vent to town, Mister Roderich?" Blackie sat at his side, tail slightly waving.

"You can't just leave a note and go," Austria said stiffly. "I preferred it at least when you went behind my back and asked Elizaveta when you could go out!"

"I'm sorry, but Mister Roderich–"

"You aren't allowed to leave the house now, Ludwig. I don't want to hear you asking Hungary _or_ I."

Ludwig gaped. "But M–"

"Have I made myself clear?"

Ludwig's hands clenched at his sides. It was not fair! He had just as much of a right as anyone to be able to go outside! What about the dogs, he could not just have them stay in the house! How he wanted to say no! But... but... "Yes, Mister Austria."

"Go to your room."

"Yes, Mister Austria."

He went up the stairs slowly, doing his best not to just break out into a run. Ludwig nearly gave in and slammed the door, but with Blackie and Aster following him he had to wait for them to enter the room as well and by that time the impulse passed. Last thing he needed was Austria lecturing him for the treatment of his door!

Ludwig sniffed, wiping off the tears on his face with his sleeve.

* * *

'I've been confined to the house.

Probably should not start with that. I should start off with this morning and and that Nation. I know he was a Nation. He had to be. He looked at me and I ran away. There was no reason to why and I don't remember much of it. It makes no sense, why would I run away from someone I have not even met, who does not look threatening, who has not done anything wrong? I try and think about him to describe him but I can't. I can't think back to him. There is something about him I cannot bear to even consider.

And I don't know what that is! It's so frustrating!

I do not know if I was going to tell Mister Ro' **crossed out** 'Austria about it, but I certainly am not now. I left a note! He has never gotten mad about this before! He was busy, I was just trying not to disturb him, not that he cares. I shouldn't bother! I see where thoughtfulness gets me!'

The pen went down for a few moments. Then he crossed out the entire last paragraph.

* * *

Today was not supposed to be like this. He was supposed to be able to talk to his brother today. Another day though, another day most definitely. He had planned this stop a long time ago.

"G... Gilbert?"

Prussia smiled at the surprised face of Spain. "Antonio, been a vhile! Just thought I't stop by."

"But it's... all right, come in! Be quiet though, Lovi and Feli are sleeping."

At the mention of those two Prussia nearly decided to forget what he had considered telling his friend. He walked in all the same, glancing about a place which had very much changed over the last hundred years, even if his friend had not.

"Don't tell me you actually clean every day now, 'specially vith Romano around," Prussia questioned, unable to believe Spain putting in that much effort. He had known him for so long, had seen all what he had done in this last war, but in times of peace Spain always preferred lounging around. Saving up his energy, more like.

"Veneziano spends a lot of time just cleaning," Spain mentioned absently. "Not that Romano does much, he is still shaking too much to really hold anything."

Prussia knew better than to believe the air of nonchalance Spain was putting on. Especially not when it came to Romano. And, with a sudden insight, Prussia remembered that it was Germany. It was Germany who had done this to Romano, who had done so many things. Prussia would always insist his brother would never mean these things – as he _knew_ it was Germany's boss' fault – but by this point it would not matter.

And just like that he decided not to mention Ludwig.

"I'm sorry, 'Toni."

"About what?" Spain questioned innocently. "You probably wanted to see Francis too, didn't you? Sorry to say he's not here anymore."

Prussia felt numb. "He's... he's vhat?"

"England took him." Prussia hit Spain in the head. "Ow! What was that for?"

"You made me think he kicked it!" Prussia snapped, glaring at him. Spain rubbed the back of his head with an apologetic smile. "Ant England? Are you being serious?"

"He insisted," Spain shrugged. "Actually, it was Scotland who insisted. I have no idea how England managed to convince him to say so, considering how he hasn't said a word since the war finished."

"Ant you let dem take him?" Prussia hissed. Spain was not fazed.

"To tell the truth I have my hands full with both Italys," Spain said sadly. "I would take care of France if I could, and I still help out where I can, but I can't watch all three of them. It's too much."

"_I_ vould have taken him," Prussia began to argue. Spain laughed.

"Gilbert, you've just became a new country! I know that you're busy. And I think England has grown too attached to France to try anything with him in the condition he is in."

"England can barely to anyding!" Prussia retorted. "He's in a vheelchair, for fucks sake! Ant I'm getting sick of dealing vith him through dat stupid bruder of his just because he von't talk since America–"

"Gilbert," Spain cut him off. Prussia grumbled, but stopped. "Join me for _la cena_?"

Prussia sighed. When had relationships become so complicated? "Sure, count me in."

* * *

_Another passage from the children's song, Grün sind alle meine Kleider._

_Translation:_

_Blue, blue, blue are all my clothes,_

_Blue, blue, blue is all that I have._

_So I love anything that is blue,_

_Because my love is a sailor, a sailor._

"Hoffnung_" = "Hope."_

"Was meint ihr, Mädchen?_" = "What do you think, girls?"_

"Reiß dich zuammen_" = "Pull yourself together."_

"Nein, aus, böse!_" = "No, stop, bad!"_


	6. The Beginning

**The Beginning**

_'I can't live...'_

_And he waited. He did not know... coming to finish him and... wanted to see _him_ one more time. One last time... knew he had no right... destroyed so much of It... life as it were._

_'It is time... go.'_

_...heard someone stepping through... remainder of the flames. He rose... turning to see... the most glad..._

* * *

'I can remember someone. He is not in the dream, but I remember thinking about him in the dream. Someone very important. So important that I cannot remember anything about him at all other than at a very important moment, he is all I think of.

This person means the world to me. In the dream. Then why can I not remember him?'

* * *

Hungary hated UN meetings. She did not want to see everyone, see the condition most were still suffering through since the war had ended. She hated seeing the table just a little smaller, the people who represented others who stayed and home because they could not come, those who probably should have stayed home.

She used to hate having to sit a few seats down from Prussia. The truth was always just on her lips and she so very much wanted to tell him who they had at home, but knew Austria was right. It was best he did not know. Now, however, he did. Hopefully he would not ruin the secret.

Hungary knew they could trust him though. The last thing Prussia would want would be for everyone to think Ludwig was Germany and try for revenge.

She hated seeing Spain. Seeing Spain there, with neither Italian, doing his best for all three of them. It all seemed too much for him. It was very easy to forget Spain was now one of the leading powers of Europe. All of his power which was imbued to helping all of Italy.

More than that, she hated seeing England. He would refuse any help, wheeling himself to his spot with Ireland protesting beside him and a stoic, yet so obviously hurt, Scotland walking behind. She never thought she could have missed hearing his voice, his angry remarks, witty comments, yelling mostly toward two certain people who were no longer present.

Most of all she hated seeing Japan.

He would never look toward them, but occasionally ask how they were faring, if there was anything he could do to help. And it would make her nervous to know just how much attention she and Austria were receiving from the leading power in the world.

And she hated having to leave Ludwig on his own. Not that he was completely on his own this time, he had Blackie and Aster with him, but Austria had strangely not relented Ludwig's punishment from the other day. He would be stuck in the house. Which he promised to do, quietly and honestly. Hungary almost felt sick about it when she sat in the driver's seat.

"Remember what we first promised when he brought us Ludwig?" she asked Austria as she started the car. Austria, turning the music on low, looked slightly amused.

"Which promise? We made so many."

"About trying to keep him from trying to be perfect."

Austria frowned, leaning back in his seat. "Yes."

"Because Germany strove for perfection, to accomplish everything his boss told him too, unable to find a way out without sticking with the rules and so destroyed himself. Because the Holy Roman Empire–"

"Hungary..."

"–strove to do the best he could, even though he was just a child and knew no better, to do the best of what he thought he could–"

"_Elizaveta!_"

"–and it destroyed him," she finished. Austria scowled out the window.

"I don't care. He's not safe out there on his own. Not if anyone sees him – and Prussia's already proven that is easily possible! How far did Ludwig go to be seen by him? Nearly into Prussia's borders!"

"But still on his own land," Hungary reminded him. "And just because he missed an appointment with Gilbert that he did not even know he had–"

"The point is he keeps leaving without telling us. One day someone could take him and–"

"Roderich!"

"–_take him_ and we would find out too late." Austria sighed, turning his head toward her. "Elizaveta, my dear, I want to make sure he will be around for us to be able to teach him how to deal with other Nations. I am acting more controlling than I would ever like... but it is all for his own good."

_Cooping up a spirit which might want to be free is never good._

_'It is all for his own good.'_

And with that thought, Hungary knew of two words which would change Austria's mind.

"Remember America."

They drove on in silence.

* * *

"_Bunt, bunt, bunt sind alle meine Kleider._"

He had promised to stay inside. And he had meant to. Even with Blackie's head laying in his lap and Aster whining near the front door, he was going to stay inside.

Except he began to call in question his promises.

He had promised both Miss Hungary and Mister Austria he would stay inside. He had also promised Mister Austria that he would take care of these dogs to the best of his ability so that he would not have to worry about the fact they were in his house. If he did not take them outside to run off some of their energy they would not really be responsible for anything they did inside. They had not been able to go more than ten feet beyond the radius of the back door. Therefore, it would be irresponsible to keep them inside another day.

He planned on taking a few toys, go outside and throw them and the entire fetching process would tire them out and he would only _slightly_ be breaking his promise. For the good of the dogs. No one had to know!

"_Bunt, bunt, bunt ist alles, was ich hab._"

That had been the plan. Was it his fault he might have thrown the ball a little too hard, a little too far, and neither dog was coming back? He ran off to find them, going down hill and through the trees to find them still sniffing around for it. He could not go back without the ball! So searching around was simply the best thing to do. He had time, lots of time. And it was not as if he was going to lose himself out here. He was not Austria. Ludwig had a very good sense of direction. He was going south-west. North-east was not a difficult direction to return to.

"_Darum lieb ich alles, was so bunt ist._"

He sang quietly though unreserved as he found the green ball, picking it up from against the wooden fence. He tossed it in the air for Blackie to catch.

"_Weil mein Schatz ein Maler, Maler ist._"

"_Perché il mio amore è un pittore~_!"

Ludwig turned toward the voice just as Aster and Blackie darted off, Aster barking. Both bounded over the wooden fence in a leap and continued running.

"Aster! Blackie!" Ludwig shouted after them, but they gave him no heed. With a bit more difficulty then they, he vaulted over the fence and ran after them.

Both of them were standing over someone on the hill, the person laughing under the curious noses. An easel sat aside, plus several painting supplies which had been dropped when the dogs had knocked the person over.

"I'm so sorry!" Ludwig gasped, grabbing Aster's collar and trying to pull her back. "Blackie, Aster, _aus_..."

"It's okay!" the painter said happily. Ludwig managed to push Blackie aside enough so he could look down and see her.

She was wearing a very large smock, covered with so many colours Ludwig could not even pin them down. She had a deep voice for a woman, but it had to be a woman. Ludwig would not be blushing like this in front of a man, he knew that. He would not be thinking how perfect she was after he had only just looked at her.

And she was staring at him as if he had just leaped out of her closet.

"I'm sorry," he cleared his throat, reaching a gloved hand forward to help her rise to her feet. "Dey usually listen vhen I tell dem to, but I've only had dem for a couple veeks..."

"No... no, it's fine," she said softly, faintly. He stood there, feeling absolutely ridiculous with his hand outstretched, until she finally seemed to notice. She took his hand and he helped her to her feet.

Ludwig tried to think of something to say. "I'm really very sorry."

"No, no, stop apologizing!" She shook her head frantically and nearly fell over. Instantly he reached out to keep her steady. Now in no danger of falling over, she just stared at him. Actually, she was doing that before while falling over. Just staring. Ludwig felt beyond uncomfortable.

"I't better... go." He took a step back. With that, she finally spoke.

"I'm North Italy! Who're you? Where did you come from? Do you like pasta? Do I know you?"

"Ah... no!" Ludwig cowered away from the questions. Italy blinked.

"Which answer was that for?" she asked faintly. Ludwig decided right then he needed to run for it and she was more than just creeping him out.

"I live... in a Hungarian oven! Bye!" He ran off, leaving Italy staring at him with incredulity at something he knew he could not have possibly seen.

"Wait!" Italy stared after him, watching both dogs chase after. "I didn't know Hungary and Austria let people sleep in their ovens..."

* * *

"He's not here."

Austria shut his eyes, blocking out the image of Hungary's concerned face. He had no idea she had _never_ considered how dangerous it could be for him out there. Austria doubted she had _not_ thought about it, but apparently it had never taken precedence. If any other country saw him they would think the same thing. It was Germany. They would likely attack him. There were only a few countries which would probably not do that.

Prussia. Italy. Japan. America?

Not that the last really mattered at this point.

"He promised though, he promised," Hungary moaned, holding her head. Austria continued his pacing at the front door.

"_You_ wanted him to not be perfect," Austria retorted, hating the sound of the biting words almost as soon as they left his mouth. "I'm sorry Eliza, I did not mean to say that."

"I would rather him renege on a promise than someone... someone having taken him," Hungary said calmly. "If something bad happened... the dogs would have never allowed it. We would have found evidence of that."

"True," Austria sighed. At least they had that comfort. He left the house on his own.

The door opened. And Ludwig was treated to one of Austria's best glares. Ludwig cowered. So did the dogs. Austria had to give himself a small congratulations for that one.

"I see you went out."

"I'm sorry!" The automatic response came out, followed by the expected excuses. "You see, I didn't mean to go out, but de dogs needed to go out ant I decided dat hafing dem play catch from de back door voult be okay ant run off some of deir energy, but den..."

"Ludwig," Austria said firmly and Ludwig trailed off. "It seems no matter what I do, I cannot keep you in this house."

Austria could feel Hungary's stare piercing him from behind. He wondered why. He knew why Ludwig looked so shocked. The statement could be very honestly misconstrued as him getting kicked out of the house, even if Austria far from intended that.

"You are to go out whenever you wish, but you are to _always_ tell me so."

"V-vhat?" Ludwig stuttered. Hungary laughed.

"As long as you tell him, apparently you can go out _whenever_," Hungary smirked, causing Ludwig to gape. "Hopefully you will keep it to somewhat appropriate times, Ludwig?"

"Do we have a deal?" Austria continued. He had no doubt they did. And Austria had the feeling he had handled this very well. At least, Hungary was very pleased with him. He would find out just how pleased later that night.

"_Ja_, Mister Roderich! Ve hafe a deal!"

* * *

'I had been regretting my decision to step outside until Mister Roderich changed his verdict. I can always remember to tell him before I go out. I suppose he wants me to embolden myself to interrupt him at work if I want something. I understand this. But I cannot believe he actually changed his mind! Especially as I had just broken my promise.

Never again. I will never break another promise, not even if I think I know better. I will wait and try and change it with either Austria or Hungary later if I discover I want something else. I will not break a promise.

I met a girl today. She was painting something, but I didn't look, even though now I am curious. Blackie and Aster knocked her down, rather like they did to me. Funny, that. They have not done that to anyone else that I know of. Even to Austria, who they like more than he wishes, they have never done that. Especially upon first meeting him, which is the pattern I see between myself and her.

None of her reactions made sense. She bombarded me with questions and I did not know what to do. So I ran away. It seemed like the only option at the time.

That sounds rude.

It is rude! I shouldn't have run off, I should have discovered a way to react! I wonder if I go back there whether she'd be there again and I could apologize. I should try. My dogs _did_ just knock her down. Even if she scared me. Such a strange person. She was a Nation though. North Italy.

Italy.

_Italy._'

* * *

"Veneziano!" Romano demanded from the couch as his brother came in. "Where have you been?"

Spain turned to see a look he had not seen on the younger Italian's face for a very long time. Dazed and happy. Maybe more dazed than usual, but happy. He had not been happy since–

"I..." Veneziano giggled. "I think I just saw Germany." Romano's mouth opened, but no noise escaped it. Spain felt his heart fall into his stomach.

"Of course you did," he forced a smile, as he was very good at it. "Why don't we make dinner?"

"But Germany... _ve_..." Spain was able to lead him into the kitchen for the first time since the war. He heard Romano start to cry.

Was this how Veneziano was going to get better?

They had thought he was getting better.

* * *

_The fifth and final passage from the children's song, Grün sind alle meine Kleider._

_Translation:_

_Colourful, colourful, colourful are all my clothes,_

_Colourful, colouful, colourful is all that I have._

_So I love anything that is colourful,_

_Because my love is a painter, a painter._

_The last line was repeated twice, once in German and once in Italian respectively. At least, I hope that is how it translated. Again, if anyone knows Italian this time around, please reassure me that I have that correct._

_Yes, Ludwig just pulled off a HRE just because Italy was in a smock. Do not question why, just swallow it like I know you want to._


	7. Falling Over The Wall

**Falling Over The Wall**

_...he did not feel the bullet... One small whine... her... found himself able to... moving, grabbing... hit the ground._

"_...no..." ...sobbed into her coat. He felt her tongue..._

_And she stopped..._

_...stop crying. Not even... dark and –––'s shadow covered him from seeing his precious..._

_He finally looked up to see... Tears streamed down..._

"_I'm so sorry."_

* * *

Ludwig woke up sobbing. No amount of comfort from Aster or Blackie could change that.

* * *

"May I go out after breakfast?"

Austria stopped in mid sip and set down his coffee cup with an amused smile. Ludwig could not begin to wonder what he had said which was so amusing. "Yes, you may. Though try, if you may, to be home around one."

"Yes, Mister Roderich," Ludwig responded, before thinking about the statement at all. "Is someding happening den?"

"There is someone coming over who I want you to meet," Austria said. Hungary set down her own breakfast and stared at Austria for a moment before sitting down.

"So that is what you both were talking about yesterday?" she questioned, voice nonchalant. Austria nodded.

"Who?" Ludwig tried to clarify. Austria shook his head.

"I will introduce you when he arrives," Austria responded, returning his attention back to his breakfast. Ludwig almost tried to protest, but decided he was not likely to get an answer until Austria had told him he would.

"Have anywhere particular in mind you are going to go?" Hungary questioned. It was they way she usually asked questions, completely innocently. Which always made both Ludwig and Austria suspicious as to whether she intended to reveal something they did not even know they were hiding. Austria taught him that, a secret from man to man, he said.

Except Ludwig knew he was hiding something and knew he was no good at it. So he would just have to make up something that he was actually going to do as well as try and find this Italy.

"I'm going to the capital."

"Berlin?" Austria questioned. Ludwig looked at him with confusion.

"Munich," Ludwig corrected him slowly. Austria stared at him for a moment before nodding and rising to his feet.

"Yes, yes, of course..." he mumbled absently, taking his plate and walking out of the room. Ludwig immediately turned to look toward Hungary.

"Vhat is Berlin?" he asked. And as soon as he asked the question it sounded wrong. It just sounded wrong.

Hungary looked back to where Austria had left the room. "I don't think..." her voice trailed off. Then, she leaned over the table closer to him and spoke quietly. "You cannot tell Austria I told you this, understand?"

"_Ja_," Ludwig nodded, now whispering, still confused.

"Berlin used to be a part of the old Germany, it was his capital," she whispered. "It no longer exists now, it was wiped out in the war, but some of its remains lie right on your north-east border, on the Spree."

Ludwig's mind practically devoured this information. There was a war – he knew it! He had heard it, he had guessed it, but neither Austria or Hungary had ever admitted it straight to his face. A place that no longer existed, a place which only existed in the past, in _history_. And he had been there, he had been there and had not noticed. There were no buildings, no remains, there was little of anything there. There were some trees, young trees, he should have guessed from that.

There was that wall there, the wall he had never fixed. He knew that had been the edge, but never a city! Maybe he had just not looked closely enough...

_Berlin_. He treasured the name. Just as he treasured anything he could discover. Like the name of Vash, the names Prussia, Gilbert, the name North Italy. Italy.

_Feli..._

"Ant who else's land does it lie in? How did it fall?" Ludwig questioned. Hungary winked, raising a finger to her smiling lips as she got up and left as well.

Ludwig thought about it. He remembered being there two weeks ago and falling off the wall when he saw...

Prussia. Ludwig's chest felt oddly tight. If he went there again, would he see him? Was Prussia the Nation who lived on the other side of the wall?

Maybe Prussia could tell him about Berlin.

Ludwig changed his plans again. He would not go to Munich. He would head in that direction and try to see if he could find Italy. Then he would go to the north, to the old capital and see Prussia. Two other Nations. He would see two new Nations today. New Germany could not wipe the smile from his face even if he tried.

So he fed Aster and Blackie and the three of them headed out.

This time Ludwig could tell when he had left Austria's land and entered Northern Italy. He knelt down to the two dogs, letting them off of their leashes.

"_Such _Italy_, Mädchen_._ Such_ Italy_._"

With that the two dogs darted off, Ludwig running after them. He hoped they would find Italy by just _finding _her as opposed to jumping on her like they did yesterday. He grimaced. Maybe he should have thought of that earlier? Maybe he should not have taken off their leashes?

But he did not lose them and it did not take long before they ended up at the back door of a home in a town named Tarvisio. "_Hier?_" Aster whined. Clearing his throat, Ludwig located the doorbell and pressed it.

"_Arrivo!_"

The door opened quickly, revealing the Italian. A loose apron was tied around her waist. Ludwig tried very hard not to stare at the other country, instead deciding to stare at the wall behind her.

"I'm sorry for intruting. I... I came to apologize for yesterday."

For still staring at him as if he were some sort of freak, Italy responded rather quickly. Not only responded quickly, spoke quickly. "Oh, don't apologize! I should apologize! You see, you look like an old friend of mine and I thought you were him or related to him or something like that! I didn't mean to startle you."

"Uh... it vas noding," Ludwig tried. Aster scooted forward and starting licking at Italy's hand. Italy raised both her hands above her head.

"No! I'm cooking!" Italy protested and suddenly looked at Ludwig as if she had come up with the greatest idea. "Why don't you come in?"

"I don't dink so..." Ludwig took a step back.

"I'm making pasta!"

Ludwig found himself changing his mind immediately. "Pasta?" he questioned as Italy grabbed him by the wrist and pulled him inside.

"Stay out of the kitchen!" Italy told the dogs as firmly as she seemed able to, which was barely at all.

"_Bleib_," Ludwig reaffirmed. Both went and made themselves comfortable near the front door. Italy grinned at him and pulled him the rest of the way into the kitchen.

"Now sit down!" Italy pushed him toward the table. "I'm nearly done with it... so what's your name? My name is Feliciano Vargas. Just call me Feliciano!"

"Feliciano..."_ Sounds like a male name._ Ludwig frowned.

"What's your name?"

"Ah... Ludwig," Ludwig responded. Italy wheeled away from him, in front of the stove. Ludwig tried to think about it. It was a different culture. He knew nothing about Italy. He probably should not think too hard about it.

"Ludwig... Ludwig?"

"Yes?" He stared at the Nation's back.

"Ludwig!" Italy repeated happily.

He decided Italy was not actually trying to talk to him and was just being... Italy. Ludwig wondered why he was in here, but it was hard to forget with the smell of pasta permeating the air. Could it possibly be better than Hungary's? It would be horrible to even consider that, would it not?

"Here you go!" She set a large plate in front of him. Ludwig stared at it. Well, he would not have to go and find lunch, that was for certain.

"Dank you... Italy." He picked up the fork.

"Call me Feliciano," Italy corrected. Her hand reached forward and gripped his wrist again. "Please."

"Thank you, Feliciano," Ludwig corrected himself. She stared at him for a few more moments before sitting across the table from him. Thankfully letting go of his wrist first. Ludwig wondered whether it was polite to just try and ignore her while he ate, because the staring was really bothering him.

"Wow... You really like pasta," Feliciano commented, sounding slightly surprised. Ludwig responded with a nod, trying to decide how to tell Hungary that this Italy's pasta was probably the origin of all pasta. Thinking about it though, Hungary said pasta had not originated from her country and would not clarify whose it was. So maybe that _was _true. "Do you like potatoes?"

Ludwig stopped in mid chew, staring up at Italy without moving his head. He swallowed.

"Who vants to know?"

"I do!" Feliciano responded, a little hesitant. Ludwig swirled the last of the pasta on the plate onto his fork and finished it off.

"It vas very good, but I–"

"It was?" Feliciano leaned completely across the table and into his face. Ludwig scooted the chair back, his heart pounding in his ears.

"Yes. But I hafe to go now. I'm sorry."

"_Ve_..." Feliciano pouted, sitting back in her seat. With that, Ludwig's heart decided to let up on him a little. "But you just got here!"

"I'm sorry," Ludwig said once more, the rest of his words spilling out before he really had much time to think about them. "I'll make it up to you."

Feliciano continued to stare at him. "Really?"

"_Ja._" Ludwig stood up. "Vhen I can, Feliciano." And he meant it. No idea why, but Ludwig meant it. "Bye!"

With that he ran out, both dogs following. Only after he managed to put some distance between himself and Feliciano did he stop to think how stupid that was.

"Just as rude as before!" Ludwig exclaimed, kicking at the ground.

The way Blackie was breathing, mouth opened and tongue lolled out, almost made Ludwig think the dog was laughing at him.

* * *

It _was_ Germany. He knew it.

Maybe he had not been right in telling Spain about it so quickly, considering everything, but now Italy was certain.

The first person that came to mind to talk to was his brother, but Italy shoved that from his mind. South Italy would not want to hear about Germany, especially after what had happened. Romano would probably do anything to keep him away from Germany, like tell Spain. Italy understood why they would think that was for the best, but at the same time...

It was not for the best.

This was Germany, right? Germany, forgetting again. But he looked so much smaller, so much younger than his Germany...

Still, out of everything, he had forgotten him _again_. Italy gave himself time to cry.

But he had come back to him. Germany... _Ludwig_ had chosen to return to speak with him, even though Feliciano knew he had reacted rather badly the first time around. Yet Ludwig had come to see _him_.

Ludwig. Germany?

Feliciano wiped the tears from his face. He knew exactly who to talk to.

* * *

The wall had always looked like it had once been tall and proud. At its tallest now it only stood a little above one meter, running for around one kilometre long, chipped beyond recognition of what it was created from or by. Ludwig had never understood why he enjoyed it being so destroyed, enjoyed its wrecked form. Why he enjoyed being able to walk along the top of it as if it were nothing.

It was just a wall, barely even that. It meant nothing before. Maybe he simply had the satisfaction of walking on it because he knew he could drop down to the other side.

It was not a promise he had to stay out of others' lands, it had been something Austria had simply advised him of. And until Italy he had kept that strictly in mind.

But why? Why should he not see other Nations? Ludwig had no illusions of grandeur, he did not think he would be very capable to understand and communicate with all of the other Nations immediately. But he certainly would not always be bad! Practice! Was that not what Mister Roderich always told him to do? Taking longer to do any of it would make it all more difficult, right?

He was a new Nation. It was not as if people were likely to have preconceived notions against him!

Ludwig remembered both Prussia and Italy's reaction to seeing him the first time and rid himself of that hasty belief.

"_Schwarz, schwarz, schwarz sind alle meine Kleider,_" sang a voice from beyond the wall. Ludwig ran over toward it and saw the person he had been looking for._ "Schwarz, schwarz, schwarz ist alles, was ich hab.__Darum lieb ich alles, was so schwarz ist..._"

"_Weil mein Schatz ein Schornsteinfeger ist,_" Ludwig finished with him, just as Prussia and he met halfway from along the wall, Prussia still on the other side.

"Come to see me?" Prussia smirked, eyes roving over him before looking down, Ludwig turned his head to follow where he was looking. "Hey girls! 'ow've ya been?"

"Vha...?" Ludwig jerked his head back up as Blackie and Aster both went over to Prussia, Aster jumping up and licking his offered face, paws scrambling against the wall, and Blackie waiting for the back scratching Ludwig knew she preferred. Prussia patted her back, arms stretching over the wall, pushing Aster down a bit. "Do you... are dey... yours?"

Prussia stared at him for a moment and Ludwig felt almost as if he should have not come to the wall.

"Ach... no," Prussia shrugged. "I've just seen dem around. It's been a vhile."

"Okay," Ludwig nodded, feeling some sort of relief. Certainly if the dogs' previous owner claimed them again he would not stop them, but Ludwig held the selfish thought that they would always be his. Ludwig considered Prussia for a moment. "I'm Ludwig."

"I'fe heard," Prussia responded, tapping at his ear. "Prussia, but call me Gilbert, 'kay?" He extended his hand which Ludwig would have shook if the hand had not been clenched into a fist.

"Vhy?" Ludwig asked as Prussia reached over, took Ludwig's hand and turned it into a fist as well and then made his and his own fists meet.

"Because Austria vill be bothered by it," Gilbert grinned. Ludwig smiled despite himself.

"May I ask a question?" Ludwig asked, right before he got a finger shoved between his eyes.

"Don't ask me a question about asking a question, its implied," Gilbert rubbed his finger in before Ludwig took a step back, rubbing gently at his forehead. "You want to ask me someding? Ask me, don't mess around vith it."

"Yes," Ludwig said uncertainly, his surprise from the reaction subsiding slowly. "Vhy to you alvays vear black?"

Gilbert laughed, as if the question was funny somehow. Maybe the answer would make it funny, Ludwig did not know. "It's a colour for mourning, _Wessi_."

"Mourning?" Ludwig wanted to have clarified, right before he realized that Gilbert had actually called him a directional point from a compass. "Did you just call me _Wessi_?"

"_Ja,_" Gilbert grinned.

"But my land is south of yours," Ludwig protested. Gilbert shrugged.

"Okay, _Süden_," Gilbert drawled, absently pulling at the green band which was on his left arm. "Black is a colour people vear if dey are mourning."

Ludwig first opened his mouth to protest the nickname, but after what Gilbert said he felt less like antagonizing him. "I'm sorry. Who vas dis person?"

"_Mein Schatz, der ein Schornsteinfeger ist_," Gilbert snickered.

"Not much dough..." Ludwig pointed out. Gilbert stopped laughing to look at him curiously. "You are vearing dat," Ludwig pointed at the dark green.

Gilbert looked thoughtful for a few moments. Then he lifted himself up so that he was sitting on the wall. "I lost my bruder."

"Oh," Ludwig blinked. "I'm sorry." And he meant it, even if he could not imagine what it was like to have a brother. He tried to think about how he would feel if Austria were to die, but could not force himself to consider it. Another question popped into his head, but he bit down on the inside of his cheek before he could ask it.

"I said just ask," Gilbert smirked, leaning backward a little.

"How did he die?" Ludwig blurted out. Gilbert looked surprised.

"I said I lost him. Doesn't mean he isn't alife. I just don't know." With that said he dropped down off the wall to stand next to Ludwig. "Valk vith me. I hafe to meet someone who hates vaiting."

With Aster and Blackie both so friendly toward him Ludwig could not think of a reason why he should not. Miss Hungary and Mister Austria both knew this Nation, so neither would mind much, right?

"Dis... dis used to be Berlin," Ludwig started, staring down at his feet as they walked. "Vhat happened to it?"

"It vas blown up," Gilbert responded simply. "In the var. A lot of things vere blown up."

"How did dis var start?" Ludwig glanced back toward Gilbert, slightly nervous asking these questions which no one would have answered before, even if he had known to ask them. Prussia did not look at all bothered by it, grabbing a stick from the ground and throwing it far for the dogs to chase.

"I don't know all de details," Prussia shrugged, watching the dogs run. "America's government gafe into terrorist demands to keep their people safe. These... terrorists were able to use America to gain control of oder countries. Practically a set of dominos de entire vay."

"Vhat's a domino?"

"A tile dat knocks other tiles down – to you vant to hear about the war or not?"

"I'm sorry," Ludwig responded. "Who's America?"

Prussia stopped and stared at him. With a sigh, his hand came up and landed on Ludwig's head, ruffling up his hair. Ludwig let out a sound of protest, pulling his head and completely mussed hair away from the elder Nation.

"Has Austria taught you anyding?"

"Mister Austria has taught me many dings!" Ludwig retorted angrily. Gilbert laughed, hitting him on the shoulder a few times.

"Forget I said anyding."

Gilbert walked him right home, which as Ludwig realized the time he was very grateful for. He expected a lecture from Mister Roderich (it was about ten minutes after he had supposed to have shown up), but not Austria staring at the two of them with some sense of approval and curiosity.

"I see you brought Gilbert with you, good."

"I vas coming anyvay," Gilbert said, a bit sulkily. Ludwig stared between the two.

"_He_ vas who vas coming today?" Ludwig asked incredulously.

Austria rose an eyebrow, but did not answer his question. "It still took you long enough," Austria said, waving them inside. "Ludwig... Why do you always ruin your nice things when you go out?"

"Ah, Roddy, he's only following de best example he has," Gilbert grinned at him. Roderich scoffed. Ludwig tried not to laugh.

For some reason he felt more comfortable at home than he had ever felt before.

* * *

It had been a very long time since he had seen Japan. Well, maybe not too long. Japan would stop by occasionally, but never really spoke with him or his brother, not that his brother said he cared much. Japan mostly spoke with Spain, then he would leave. Spain told him it was part of the stress of becoming the top world power so quickly. Neither Italian could understand this.

When had Italy ever been a world power?

"Japan! I thought I'd catch you here!"

"Italy?" Japan turned to face him. Japan had always been more expressionless than anything else, but nothing compared to this. Italy felt uncomfortable around him. It was almost as if it were not Japan anymore. "Are you feeling better?"

"Yeah..." Italy hummed, trying to think of how to say this. Spain and Romano had thought him insane when he had mentioned Germany. And considering how Germany did not remember... "I met someone yesterday. He says his name is Ludwig."

Japan stared at him, face never changing. Italy felt his pep slipping into desperation.

"He looked so much like Germany, Japan. So much. He even had Aster and Blackie with him!"

"Really?" If it were possible, Japan stiffened up even more. Italy bit his bottom lip.

"You think I've lost it, haven't you?" Italy squirmed where he stood. Japan shook his head.

"I believe there are more things in this world than either of us could begin to understand."

Italy knew what Japan was talking about. The words came out immediately. "Have you found America yet?" At those words, Japan look stricken and Italy regretted even mentioning it. "I'm so sorry Japan."

Japan shut his eyes tightly, head turned toward the sky. "I'm the one who's sorry Italy. I am so very sorry."

* * *

"Such _Italy,_ Mädchen. Such _Italy" = "Find Italy, girls. Find Italy."_

"Hier?_" = "Here?"_

"Arrivo!_" = "Coming!" At least, I think so. Again, if anyone could help with my Italian, I would be grateful._

"Bleib_" = "Stay."_

"Mein Schatz, der ein Schornsteinfeger ist"_ = "My love, who is a chimney sweep."_


	8. Those Important Things

**Those Important Things**

_...Aster growled._

"_Dis is de end," Ludwig sighed, patting Aster on the head. "Go on, out," he pushed... door. "..._Ab_."_

_The three bitches... remotely interested in heeding his order. Ludwig knew why – they understood more than most..._

"Ab!_" he demanded and Aster and Blackie slunk out the door... nose against his leg. She licked his glove. Ludwig felt himself hesitate._

_'I don't want to die.'_

"**Ab!**_" he shouted, pointing out the door. And with that, Berlitz left._

_'But I can't... after this.'_

_'_But I can't live after this.'

_**I can't live.**_

_ohberlitz–_

* * *

Hungary was woken up because of sudden howling. She heard Austria beside her, sleepily cursing the interruption of his sleep. Hungary did not waste any time, already completely awake. She ran out of the room, barely hesitating to grab a robe to wrap around herself. Ascending the last flight of stairs to the third floor, she ripped open the door she heard claws against.

Aster returned back to the bed, leaping on to the end of it. Blackie was already on the bed, lying on Ludwig's legs and keeping his lower half still as his torso and arms jerked.

"Roderich!" Hungary shouted out the door as she rushed over to Ludwig. "Oh no, no, no... Ludwig, my baby..." She sat down at the side of the bed, hands keeping his arms from flailing. There was already a long gash down his arm from breaking the wall lamp.

Hungary knew she had to keep calm, but it was just so difficult.

"Ludwig! You need to wake up, darling. Ludwig! New..." she rested her forehead against his, staring at his eyelids, "Germany! Wake up!"

And he did, screaming. Hungary wrapped her arms around him and held him close. Her eyes darted toward the door as Austria arrived, staring at her, looking so lost.

Ludwig cried into her shoulder. Aster let out one last pitiful howl before kissing Ludwig's face.

Blackie gave her shoulder a lick before getting up and standing by Austria.

* * *

'I don't remember much of yesterday. Miss Hungary told me last night some time that I had some sort of fit the previous morning. I don't remember that.

Typical. I start making a history of my own and I forget parts of it. That is what bothers me most. Maybe if I remembered what had happened I would be more troubled by another part of it, like what caused it, but right now... I can't seem to make myself curious about it. I should be concerned, but without the memory it is just something else that Hungary and Austria have told me. It is as if I am hearing about it happening to someone else, someone I do not know and therefore cannot be as affected by the knowledge even if I wanted.

I feel as if there is a piece of me missing. I had been so happy, more than ever before. After Gilbert – even in meeting Feliciano things seemed much better. Now there is something gone. Probably because I can't remember. It makes me angry.

I'm scared.'

* * *

"_Süden_, vhat's dis I hear from Eli about you havin' a fit?"

Ludwig groaned, arms folded on top of the wall, head propped on top of that. He had really been hoping to keep it from Gilbert. Not that Gilbert seemed like the type to ever get really concerned. Or at least show it. Gilbert was strange. He reminded Ludwig of an orange. Looked the same all the way around and it was always too difficult to get inside for a different perspective. And trying would always be somewhat disastrous and messy.

Ludwig just did not know what to make of being called _Süden _and _Wessi_ and occasionally _Südwessi_ by the Nation. Though the last was probably the most accurate.

"All vhat she tolt you is probably all dere is to know," Ludwig grumbled into his arms, watching as Aster brought a stick back to Gilbert. "I don't remember it."

"None of it?"

"I'm sorry."

"No apologies!" Gilbert tossed the stick at him, which caused Aster to run into him and knock him over.

"Gilbert!" he shouted as Aster moved off of him, giving an apologetic whine.

"You need to teach Aster to pay better attention to her surroundings," Gilbert grinned down at him. Ludwig could not help but scowl as he rose to his feet.

"I'm vorking at it. You aren't helping," Ludwig informed him. Gilbert did not seem to mind. Gilbert seemed to mind the manners that Austria taught him, but did not mind straight forward comments which came without thought – the type of sentences Austria could not stand. He was like the foil of Mister Roderich.

Which explained why the two of them only seemed to get along when either he or Miss Elizaveta were in the room with them. But even Hungary seemed to have issues with him at times. Of which Ludwig completely understood. Gilbert seemed to pride himself on being a difficult person.

A difficult person which he liked. Ludwig wondered at his taste in friends. Not that he had too many to choose from.

"Let me see your arm," Gilbert reached out and Ludwig complied, rolling his right sleeve back and setting his wrist in Gilbert's palm. "Nasty."

"Actually, it looks much better den it uset to," Ludwig protested quietly as Gilbert shook his head.

"Vell, you have Eliza taking care of it, so it'll heal up in no time," Gilbert jumped back to sit up on the wall. Ludwig did not want the subject to be on him anymore and decided to change it.

"Tell me more about Berlin," Ludwig urged, scratching Blackie's ears as she sat up. Gilbert eyebrows shot up on his face as he looked at him critically.

"Tell ya more 'bout Berlin?" Gilbert practically repeated his request before glancing around the place. "Hm... It uset to be my capital, back in de day, vhen I vas Prussia."

"Vhen you vere?" Ludwig asked, right before snapping his mouth shut. Gilbert grimaced.

"I vas a country, then I vas sort of a part of a country, den I vas again. If that makes any sense, which it shouldn't or you're a freak, got dat?"

"_Ja._" Ludwig blinked, slightly dazed trying to understand the implications.

"It vas a fantastic city most of de time. Existed for almost two thousand years." Ludwig could not wrap his head around that number. It was heading into winter and because of that he knew he would be the first year anniversary of his living with Austria and Hungary, but as he had not remembered much of the first months there it would still be longer then that before he considered himself a year old. Then he recalled what Hungary had said about it.

"Vasn't it Germany's capital too?" Ludwig questioned. Gilbert's smile left and Ludwig tried to think of what he had said wrong.

"'Til it was blown up in de war," Gilbert twisted and dropped down on his side of the wall. "Go home, Ludwig. Take it easy, 'kay?"

Ludwig said he was sorry, but by that point Prussia had already walked away.

* * *

"Could I... Is it all right if I go out?"

Hungary instantly saw the mental struggle in Austria's posture. The promise that all Ludwig had to do was tell him he was going (which somehow Ludwig had translated to just always asking him, but Austria would always stand with what he meant exactly) with the nervous feeling of letting him out once more. That something would happen while he was out. But Austria had promised _whenever_ he wanted to go...

"You have your cell phone?" Austria ascertained. Ludwig looked slightly flustered and searched his pockets for it before pulling it out.

"Here it is, Mister Roderich," Ludwig said. And it was with that Hungary became suspicious. Hungary recognized these acts, these small movements. She had watched man upon man display such behaviours when going out. Going out to see a special _someone_.

Hungary's shock was covered quickly by her feeling of wanting to grin. She did her best to hide that as well, wishing newspapers still existed so she could cover her mouth with it.

"Then make certain it is on... and try to return before dinner," Austria finished his guidelines in the usual way as Ludwig would promise and thank him and apologize for the problems he caused. Hungary gave Austria a peck on the lips before she went to follow after Ludwig, catching him right outside the door as he had decided to keep Blackie and Aster off leash.

"Would you mind if I asked you where you were going?" Hungary questioned, leaning against the door frame. Ludwig turned around to look at her, his uncertainty written on his face.

"Ah... novhere in particular," he shrugged, looking down. He looked down like that when he was embarrassed. It was very easy to tell he was lying.

"No_where_ in particular... but some_one_ in particular?" Hungary smiled. Ludwig spluttered and by the lovely shade of red his face was turning Hungary checked that theory off as true. "Don't worry, I won't tell _Mister_ Roderich. Boys your age should be going out." _With boys_, was the end of that sentence in her mind, but she decided not to push it too far. After all, she would be finding out soon.

"Even dough it's anoder Nation?" Ludwig managed to get out, though very very quietly, pulling at his gloves as he still stared at his feet. Still, at that, Hungary's eyebrows shot up.

_Could it be...?_

"Then we'll have to be especially quiet about it," she whispered back, waiting until he glanced up at her to wink at him. He gave a nervous smile before looking back down. "Who is this Nation?"

"No one," Ludwig said hurriedly, before deciding that must have been rude. "Not dat dey are no one! I just mean..."

Hungary sat down on the front step, closing the door behind her. "I'm just curious. I'm not going to be the overprotective mother, Ludwig. I won't intrude on your dates~"

"It's not like dat!" Ludwig practically squeaked.

It was all Hungary could do not to burst out laughing at the poor boy. "I'm happy that you're making a friend," she said honestly, reaching over and patting his arm gently.

Ludwig fought with himself for a little longer. "Italy. North Italy."

_I knew it._ It was all Hungary could keep from squealing and hugging the boy tight. It was perfect, they were perfect. Italy and Germany always returned to each other! They always...

But was Ludwig Germany? Hungary was inclined to believe this, but did not want to at the same time. But he was going to see Italy! What more proof could she want? Other than any actual words from Ludwig's own mouth. Or, as what suddenly came to her, words from his own pen. His journal. It could have a clue which he was not aware of that could betray him as Germany. Maybe those dreams...

"So you've met Italy?" Hungary pretended to muse. Ludwig stared at her.

"You know her?"

And with that Hungary burst out laughing.

"Vhat? Vhat?" Ludwig questioned, slightly recoiling from her reaction. Hungary did not blame him and did her best to reign in her laughter.

"Oh, sweetie..." she stood up, putting her hands on his shoulders. "We all know each other around here, we've... we've all been here for a long time." With that she cleared her throat, hoping she would say this without bursting into laughter again. "Italy is a boy, Ludwig." Ludwig stared at her.

"Vhat?"

Hungary rephrased it. Well, not really. "Italy is one hundred percent worth of man." Ludwig continued to stare at her. "Have a nice time," she patted him on the shoulder before turning him around. Ludwig just stood there.

"She... he?" Ludwig repeated faintly. She was able to kiss him on the top of the head because of her place four steps up from the ground.

"Yes."

Aster licked his glove, which seemed to snap him back into some reality. He started to walk off, both dogs following after.

"_Grün, grün, grün sind alle meine Kleider, grün, grün, grün ist alles, was ich hab!_" she sung quietly, then rose her voice. "_Darum lieb ich alles was so grün ist,__Weil mein Schatz ein _Jäger, Jäger_ ist!_"

"It's not like dat!" he was finally able to say before running off.

Hungary laughed.

* * *

Ludwig was, needless to say, absolutely mortified.

Feliciano was a 'he'? How had he convinced himself otherwise? Why would he think something like that? There was nothing about Feliciano that would really make him think that he was a girl, nothing at all!

"Idiot, idiot, idiot!" Ludwig scolded himself.

It did not help, he felt no better about his mistake. One thing he did know was this: he could not go and see Feliciano now. Not after thinking he was a woman!

So instead of looking for Feliciano he took Blackie and Aster to a field and told them to run around. As they seemed to just prefer to stare at him Ludwig looked for something to throw. Coming to a conclusion the world was just against him today, he took off his shoe and threw it, both dogs running after.

Ludwig laughed, unable to stop himself. Mister Roderich was going to be so annoyed, but Ludwig did not care. He took off his other shoe and threw it as well, running after his dogs and meeting Blackie halfway back.

"Uh, you slimed it!" Ludwig took his left shoe from Blackie, ruffling the hair on her back. He threw it again, just as Aster came up with his other shoe. A squeak sounded from where he had thrown his other shoe and he wheeled around to see Feliciano lying on the ground.

"I'm sorry!" he shouted, before thinking about the situation and running over to the other Nation. "Are you all right? I didn't see you dere! I'm sorry!"

"You didn't hit me, I slipped," Feliciano sat up, looking slightly dizzy. There was no red mark from where a boot might have attacked him, but Ludwig was not certain. He extended his hand out again.

_For the first time, what?_

"Why are you throwing your shoes around?" Feliciano questioned, quite curious, as he took Ludwig's hand and rose back up to his feet. He did not let go of his hand immediately, which it was all Ludwig could do to pay attention to what he was actually saying.

_I thought he was a woman, how could I think that this man was a woman?_

"Because..." Ludwig hesitated, trying to think as to why.

"Your shoes don't look that appetizing," Feliciano went on to say. "Then again that is good, you want them bringing back your shoes, not eating them. I've never understood why dogs eat shoes, not that these two do. At least, they don't look like dogs that eat peoples' shoes, right?"

"Ah... vhat?" Ludwig blinked. Feliciano finally let go of his hand and stared back out over the field.

"_Ve~_" Feliciano stretched his arms out over his head. "Funny seeing you here Ludwig!"

"Dis is my land," Ludwig said slowly. Because it really was not funny at all.

"I know that, silly," Feliciano looked at him happily. "I came here to find you and look! I found you!"

"I noticet."

"Isn't that wonderful!"

Feliciano was so lively. He was so enthusiastic and yet at the same time seemed so lazy. It was all Ludwig could do now not to smile.

"But you lied about living in Hungary's oven. I had to think about it, but now I'm certain she never let people do that," Italy pouted, arms still waving everywhere. It was as if when his mouth opened his arms were forced to move. Ludwig tried so hard not to laugh.

"I live vith her and Mister Roderich," Ludwig clarified. "But dey've alvays kept me from meeting oder Nations, so... I got nervous."

"Oh," Feliciano blinked at him. Ludwig was expecting him to ask why, but oddly enough he did not. Then again, everything Nations seemed to do was strange to him. Austria and Hungary both had habits they would do all the time and Ludwig still thought they were slightly insane. "You live with Austria and Hungary?"

"_Ja..._" Ludwig nodded slowly.

"Funny they've never mentioned that," Feliciano frowned. "But you said they're trying to keep you secret? What's it like being a secret?"

"It's..." Ludwig scrambled to think of anything which might make sense about this conversation. "It's like living with Austria and Hungary."

"I've done that!" Feliciano exclaimed. "When I was little I worked as a maid in Austria's house. With Hungary, actually. She took care of me."

"Vait." Ludwig shook his head. "Hungary used to work for Mister Roderich?"

"Yeah!"

Ludwig burst out laughing so hard he was unable to stay standing. "She vorked... she vorked _for_ Mister Roderich?" he managed to gasp out before falling to the ground.

"Yeah!" Feliciano said brightly, sitting down beside where he was curled up on the ground. His stomach was starting to hurt, so he tried to calm himself down. "I suppose it is funny... since you weren't raised with it. I never thought about it much. But Austria does do whatever Hungary wants, doesn't he?"

"He... he tolt me dat ve are to... to vhatefer de '_lady of de house_' vanted," Ludwig managed to catch his breath, "because it vas much easier dan dealing vith an upset woman."

"Really?" Feliciano stared at him, smile ever present on his face. "I gave advice like that to Spain about my brother. Well, sort of like that."

"Bruder?" Ludwig sat forward, propped up on his elbows to be able to look back at Feliciano. "Spain?"

"_Ve~_ Spain is whose house I'm staying at right now, over that-a-way." Feliciano waved his arms toward the south-west. "My brother is South Italy. He's in bad condition right now, since the war..." And with that he trailed off. Sort of like how Prussia trailed off when Ludwig mentioned Germany.

Wait. Was Germany Gilbert's brother?

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be!" Feliciano laughed. "It's not like it was your fault..." And with that he trailed off again, staring at both of the dogs running around in the field with a dazed expression.

"Do you... do you know Gilbert?" Ludwig questioned hesitantly. Feliciano seemed to perk up again.

"Of course I know Prussia! Not that his name is Prussia anymore, he was getting a new name. _Ve_... it's going to be so difficult to remember not to call him Prussia!"

"Prussia had a bruder, didn't he?"

Ludwig could not understand why everything he said kept turning out to be a terrible subject to bring up. Though... though if Germany _was_ Gilbert's brother and Germany was gone now... that would explain it.

"His... his brother was a friend of mine," Feliciano said quietly, pulling his legs toward him and resting his chin on his knees. "And he... and he just left. Didn't even say goodbye."

But Germany was dead. And both Feliciano and Gilbert were saying Gilbert's brother was not dead, he just was not here. So it could not be Germany.

"He's an idiot."

The words escaped him before he could stop them and Ludwig knew he was blushing now. Like he had a right to say such words. Feliciano was staring back at him again. "What?"

"I mean... he't be an idiot not... not to say goodbye to you," Ludwig stumbled on his words. "But... But he probably had his reasons, _ja_?"

Feliciano gave him a small smile, but shortly it broke out into a wide grin. "Wow. You like me, don't you?"

"Vhat?" Ludwig gaped.

"I like you too!" Feliciano went on happily.

"Y-you do?" Ludwig stuttered, hands slowly coming up to cover his face. Feliciano laughed.

"Of course! I'm glad I found you out here." With that Feliciano fell to his back and stared up at the sky.

Ludwig slowly lowered himself onto his back as well. The sky was beautiful.

"I'm glad too."

* * *

"Elizaveta?"

She was crying as she came down the stairs. Austria rose to his feet immediately to escort her, having her sit down on the couch. She placed her head in her hands and continued to cry.

"What's wrong?" he questioned soothingly, smoothing her hair back. Shook her head, unable to speak. So he wrapped his arms around her, rocking her slowly with his mouth on her hair.

"He's so lonely..." she sobbed. "He doesn't... know... Haunting him... what can I do?"

Out of context none of this made sense to Austria. He would have no idea she was crying for New Germany.

* * *

_I thought I would clarify this now: Prussia now claims his borders with Poland and Denmark to be about the same as the present. He is what is north of the Elbe, north and east of the Spree, the border between him and New Germany continuing straight through where Berlin last stood. Part of this border stand right upon the broken wall._

_Italy is what, looking twenty one? And Ludwig looks about sixteen... Sorry for the implications! If it makes you feel any better, Italy is really thousands of years old and Ludwig remembers about... one year. Okay, never mind._

_Personally, I cannot wait for chapter thirteen. I will let you just wonder why._


	9. The Message Of Christmas

**The Message of Christmas**

_...speaking so calmly, but... any sudden move... trigger. And as much as... excuse to kill him... he might have... three bullets._

_Part... fell down. And..._

_He had never really had to fight... watched him fight... never before... relieved. ––– would kill him. It would... make it._

_He dodged... letting loose... by a few inches as the smaller... out of the way, returning the fire. One hit... shoulder... ignore it._

_...second time. This time he... which was holding the... foot fell through the burnt... panic..._

_...shot again._

* * *

'I am beginning to dread falling asleep. _He_ is always there, waiting. Waiting to kill me? Why? I don't know and I doubt there is a reason. I read in a book once you are not supposed to be able to die in a dream. You always wake up right before it happens. Then again such thoughts cannot apply to everyone. Maybe it is possible to die in your dream. Maybe those who do just don't ever wake up.

I don't want to find out whether that is the case. Certainly not from first hand experience. But whatever is the case I do not want to see him anymore. I want him out of my head.

Whoever he is.'

* * *

"Are you sure it vasn't you dat put dem here, Miss Elizaveta?" Ludwig asked, staring into his boot. Hungary snapped a picture of his face, despite the sceptical look. It was his first Christmas season after all. Just because he did not want to believe in Santa Claus did not mean he was not going to be enjoying himself.

"Funny, you didn't complain about the _Adventskalender_," Austria said, amused. Hungary giggled as he kissed her cheek.

"Because I vasn't told to beliefe dat some person I've nefer met came to de house in de middle of de night to put candy in my shoe," Ludwig responded quietly, taking one of the candies out.

"Well if you don't want them..." Austria began, but Ludwig clutched his shoe to himself. Austria frowned.

"Like you need to eat any more candy," Hungary poked at Austria's stomach. Oh, it was where it always was, but remind Austria about how much cake he ate and the man would start getting defensive.

"'_Any more_'?" Austria scoffed, crossing his arms over his chest. Ludwig covered up a laugh. Aster sat as stiff as a board, nose in the air and her bottom jaw pressed up against Ludwig's hip.

"Don't you dare give those dogs any of that candy," Hungary warned him, just as it seemed Ludwig was about to.

"But Miss Elizaveta..."

"None, Ludwig. It's not good for them."

"But it's not fair dat dey get noding vhen I do!" Ludwig protested.

Austria sighed. "Then we can go out and get something specifically for them later. Something that _won't _get them ill."

Ludwig seemed somewhat satisfied with that and ate the piece of candy he was about to give Aster. Aster let out a whine.

"You heard dem," Ludwig said to her. Aster's ears went back.

"Speaking of which, you still need to clean up the mud they tracked into the kitchen," Austria reminded him. Hungary scowled at him.

"Can't that wait until we've lit the second candle?" she asked. From the corner of her eye she could almost see Ludwig's perk up like Aster would. Then a quick thought.

"Ant can ve light de candle later?" Ludwig's words practically dove to get out of the chore. Funny, how over the year they had had him he had gone from trying to clean everything for them to trying to occasionally get out of the chores.

"I think not," Austria retorted, walking over to Ludwig and turning him around by the shoulders into the next room, Blackie followed. Aster continued to sit there, staring at Hungary.

"Don't you dare," she ordered. Aster cocked her head.

Hungary found herself going to the kitchen to give the dog a spoonful of peanut butter.

* * *

Ludwig was completely overwhelmed by Munich this time of the year. It was as if the entire place had suddenly become devoted to this holiday Mister Roderich and Miss Elizaveta called Christmas. It _felt_ important to Ludwig. Maybe more than how his caretakers described it.

There was something about rebirth. Another chance. Ludwig had yet to understand it all yet, but he hoped in time he would.

Ludwig stayed behind the other two to make certain Austria would not catch him laughing at the thin string Hungary had tied around her and his wrist so as to make certain she would not loose the man. To see him wandering off in a certain direction merely to be tugged back to Hungary's side was probably more funny than anything Ludwig had ever seen. Still, Austria would not appreciate it and Ludwig would rather stay on his good side during this holiday.

"Dere you are, _Wessi_!" Ludwig turned around to have an arm slung about his shoulders and looking straight into the face of Gilbert. "Damn! You're getting as tall as me now!"

"Gilbert!" Ludwig exclaimed, shocked by his sudden appearance. "Vha... you knew I vas here?"

"Vell, I figured you'd be here eventually." Gilbert shrugged. "It's your capital ant everyding. Ant it's Christmas."

"Christmas season," Ludwig started to correct, but stopped as Gilbert pushed a small box and a wrapped bottle into his hands.

"I von't be able to stop by on Christmas Eve... so happy Christmas, _Wessi_."

"But..." Ludwig stared down at the two packages, a sudden panic welling up in him. "But I don't hafe anyding for you yet!"

"Don't vorry 'bout it," Gilbert shrugged, patting Ludwig's shoulder, looking around at the lit streets.

"But I do!" Ludwig protested, looking from Gilbert's face to the hand on his shoulder. Suddenly he was struck with inspiration. Sticking the bottle and small box under his arm he started taking off his gloves.

"Vhat are you doing?" Gilbert asked, confused.

"Our hands are de same size," Ludwig told him.

"Our... hands?"

"Here." Ludwig handed him his gloves. Gilbert only seemed able to stare at them for a moment, before taking them.

"I... vell..." Gilbert stared down at the new gloves, swallowing. "Danks." He cleared his throat, gesturing toward the box as he looked away. "Vhy don't you open it?"

Ludwig opened the bottle shaped present first to find that it had concealed a bottle. He stared at the label for a moment. "Schnapps?"

"Schnapps," Gilbert repeated, a giant grin on his face.

"Isn't dis... alcohol?" Ludwig asked, peering intently at the bottle.

"Oh yes," Gilbert said happily. "You're old enough for it. Now open de oder one." Ludwig did so, revealing a pocket knife. He picked it out, pulling out a small screwdriver. "Swiss army knife," Gilbert informed him, resting his head against Ludwig's shoulder. "Use it for anyding, MacGyver."

"Who?" Ludwig asked. Gilbert shook his head.

"Just don't play vith both at de same time," Gilbert warned, pressing a kiss against his temple before walking off, toward Hungary and Austria, pulling on the gloves. "Eliza! You should spent Christmas Efe vith me~ Oh for Fritz's sake! Just because of mistletoe? You two should keep that indoors, you'll scar everyone for life! Or you could let me join..."

Ludwig stared back down at his presents. _His_ presents. From Gilbert.

He smiled.

* * *

"Romano?"

Romano swore, hoping that Spain would not hear him. All he had wanted was to be able to get something to eat for himself for once, that was it! Without having to have someone help him, without being reminded that he could barely move on his own without dropping or breaking something, without being reminded he could barely walk.

He might have been sitting on the floor in the larder, but at least he was doing it by himself, dammit.

Romano reached up toward the shelf. He had no idea what he was grabbing, he had been unable to coordinate himself to turn on the light, but whatever it was it _damn well should be edible_. He growled as he managed to feel a jar against his fingers. He grabbed it and pulled it off.

Only to have it drop and break next to him.

Pickles. It was pickles.

"Dammit!"

"Romano!" The light turned on and Romano swore again, shutting his eyes. "Oh! Are you all right? I'm sorry, if you'd told me you were hungry I would have–"

"Shut up!" Romano shouted at him. "I said shut up! I can do it myself!"

Spain did stay quiet for a moment, staring down at him with that look Romano hated. It had been showing up a lot more recently, since his increase in power. It scared him and his shakes would become worse.

Finally though, finally he sighed and it was the Spain that Romano was much more used to dealing with. Spain squatted down, wiping some of the juice off of his cheek. Which he should not be doing! But Romano could not force himself to push him away.

"After we eat..." Spain started quietly, "we should go out shopping. You want to be able to get something for your brother, don't you?"

"No!" Romano protested, trying to fight back tears. The last thing he wanted was to prove that he could not walk around! He was not going to crawl in front of Spain!

He would walk.

"Of course you do!" Spain smiled obliviously. "Veneziano's already been going out and buying presents."

Veneziano, who had at least stopped trying to say that Germany was still walking around. Romano swallowed, trying not to scream at the thought of it. Actually, at the thought of it, being picked up by Spain seemed tolerable.

And that was what happened.

Damn Germany.

* * *

The 'Christmas feeling' was infectious. Mister Roderich had mentioned something about it being world-wide, so that would make sense, right? Ludwig had only seen a globe of the world once, briefly. From where he was able to quickly find his own land the entire place seemed huge. The planet was enormous and everywhere celebrated it? It seemed impossible and yet... yet Ludwig could believe it.

Even in Kehl, where he found himself now. On the edge of himself, looking over toward a land neither Hungary or Austria would tell him about. He was told so little, but Ludwig was starting to understand why. His fingers played with the edge of the box of chocolates he had bought for Austria. Not as a Christmas present. Just... because.

It took him a while, but finally Ludwig managed to make himself ask. "_Was ist das dort drüben für eine Stadt?"_ he asked a passerby, one of his people.

"_Straßburg_," the Human said in good nature. "_Ein Teil GBs_."

"_GB?_"

"_Großbritannien_," the man continued. "_Das Vereinigte Königreich, bestehend aus England, Schottland, Irland, Wales und seit neustem auch Frankreich._" How the man could be so kind about what Ludwig was deciding must be common knowledge Ludwig had no idea. "_Hinter dem Rhein, das ist Frankreich._"

"_Frankreich_..." Ludwig stared across the water. "_Dankeschön,_" he remembered to say, looking back over to the man.

"_Das Mindeste, was ich für mein Land machen kann,_" he smiled, tipping his hat and continuing on his way. Ludwig stared after him for a moment before looking back over across the way. He wondered how different it was over there. And that is how Ludwig found himself in Strasbourg.

Why was it that things did not seem so different? It was not his place, nor Austria's or Hungary's. It should seem so different. But... there were still just people in the streets, still people shopping for Christmas presents, still...

_Maybe we're all more similar than we know_.

Ludwig ducked out of the way as more crowds would pass through, speaking in a language he did not understand, occasional English thrown in as well. Unable to understand the majority of what was being said reminded Ludwig that he probably should not be here. And it was when he was heading out of the city that he saw the Nation.

Or the Nation saw him first. All Ludwig knew was that he was struck by the size of the other's eyebrows and that thinking as such was a very rude observation. He was in a wheelchair, messy blond hair which looked as if he had simply took scissors to it a month ago because he could not bother to cut it correctly, but had not wanted to bother spending time in a salon.

But it was those green eyes. How they stared at him as if he knew something that should be apparently obvious. Ludwig felt himself trembling for a reason he could not comprehend. The other Nation stood up from where he was across the now seemingly empty path.

With that Ludwig could not think. He simply reacted.

"Happy Christmas!" Ludwig shouted. And with that the other stopped.

"Happy..." came a very rusty, faint voice from the Nation. Ludwig held out the box of chocolates.

"Happy Christmas," Ludwig repeated. The Nation fell back into the wheelchair, starting to cry. Ludwig's first impulse was to run, but he fought it and took a few steps to cross the distance between them. The crying seemed to instigate some coughing from the Nation. Ludwig set the box down on the arm of the wheelchair which the other was not leaning against.

"What's..." The Nation coughed once more, bringing out a spotted red handkerchief to cover his mouth, ignoring the tear stains on his cheeks. Once he managed to catch his breath he turned his face up to him. "What's your... name?"

"Ludwig," Ludwig answered, before thinking better of it. "Ah... New Germany, but no one calls me dat."

He wondered why that was the case.

The Nation appeared to consider that, staring back down at the box. "Enjoy... your Christmas, Ludwig. Enjoy all what you can. You'll never know... when it will be gone." With that, the Nation wheeled himself around and left Ludwig there in the street.

And Ludwig wondered why everyone always recognized him when they never knew who he was.

* * *

He made certain to come in as quietly as he could. Scotland and Ireland were likely not to be here, but if they were they would be crashed out on the couch or the floor. Wales was likely to be asleep in his room, not that it was easy to wake him. If France was up England was more likely to punch him in the bloody throat for making an effort England did not want him to be making yet.

Honestly, he used to think the day he would marry France to save him from death would be the day the world had gone completely insane. England was wrong about that. He married France a few months _after_ that.

_Disgusting on every level._

He was not going to think of his journey to Strasbourg right now. He would not think about it. It was a coincidence. It was a German boy from across the river. Just a coincidence. After all, Germany was dead. And that boy had only wished him a good Christmas.

England set the box of chocolates down on the table, staring at them for a moment. What constituted a good Christmas? For so many years Christmas required him to show up at a party just because some stupid Ameri–

What constituted a good Christmas? England looked down at where his hands were clutching the arms of his wheelchair. And he stood up. His legs almost did not support him, he nearly fell back, but he gripped at the table in front of him, gritting his teeth and _willing_ that his body did as he asked it, because_ hell_ if he was going to spend this Christmas in a wheelchair.

"Arthur? What are you doing?"

That could only be one person. Only one person could shout that quietly now. England felt like throwing something at him, because Francis knew very well that he was likely to hurt himself speaking so loudly, to hurt himself standing up.

Just like England, actually. But England could care less about himself right now. This self of his was worthless. Could not protect the people close to him, absolutely worthless.

"You should sit back down," France continued, his very light grip on England's shoulders. Funny, how he had not realized when France had been able to walk so well again. No, he had not missed it. France was just walking now, using up all of his remaining strength, because he was worried about England. Worried about _him? _England snarled, kicking at the wheelchair (almost falling over in the process) and making it roll out of the room.

"I won't!" he shouted.

He sounded like a petulant child. He sounded as though his throat was bleeding. France was looking at him as if he had never heard him speak before. It had only been a year. Honestly.

"_Mon cher_," came France's soft voice, almost reverent, as he hugged him with the arm not contained in a sling. England wanted to have the choice to push him away. But they were both so weak...

Because of Germany.

_That boy Ludwig...? New Germany?_

England gestured for France to take a chocolate.

It was Germany's fault. Damn him. England bit his lip, preferring to bleed than to cry again.

Damn Germany.

* * *

"Ludwig! You came!"

"I shoult never hafe given you my number," Ludwig sighed as he walked up the snowy hill toward Feliciano. Not that he really needed to, as Feliciano ran toward him and gave him a hug. Ludwig tried to continue thinking what he had been about to say. "You... you to know dat M-mister Roderich was in de room with me! If I hadn't h-hat de phone on vibrate..."

"What?" Feliciano asked curiously, staring at him.

Ludwig shook his head, looking away. Feliciano was unlikely to realize the gravity of the situation. He had suggested once, nervously, that Feliciano try and read the atmosphere. That only made Feliciano start to laugh so hard he fell over. Not that Feliciano needed to laugh very hard to fall over.

"I gave you mine, it was only right that I have yours too!" Feliciano said as if that was an absolute truth before he pressed his face back into his shoulder. Ludwig spluttered, face turning red. "_Ve~_ Ludwig! You're growing so fast, you'll be as tall as me soon!"

"R-really?" Ludwig coughed as Feliciano finally let go of him.

"Absolutely," Feliciano nodded. "Probably taller..."

"Uh... okay," Ludwig shrugged, pulling out his first box. "I brought some cake."

"Cake! You shouldn't have!" Feliciano exclaimed, plopping himself on the ground and pulling out one of his boxes. "I brought pasta!"

Ludwig laughed, sitting down next to him. "I shoult hafe known..."

"You should?"

"Yeah," Ludwig nodded as Feliciano served them. How was it that this seemed normal? Probably because Ludwig had come to the conclusion he was unlikely to understand Feliciano, no matter how long they spent together.

Maybe with that being a constant he did not mind as much.

When he was done serving them and Ludwig had started digging into his bowl of pasta, Feliciano reached behind him, pulling out something red. "Merry early Christmas Ludwig!"

It was underwear. Ludwig nearly choked on his pasta.

"Dat's... how is dis appropriate?" Ludwig practically squeaked. Feliciano stared at him oddly.

"How's it not?" Feliciano questioned. If Ludwig flushed anymore he was likely to pass out. He could _not _take that, no! From Feliciano? Oh no, no, no... "In my country if you wear these on the last day of the year you'll have a good next year!"

Ludwig managed to think past his embarrassment for a moment. "Vhat does vearing someding at a certain time hafe to do vith de quality of someone's year?"

"Luck!" Feliciano continued brightly. Ludwig reached over, shakily taking it and trying very hard not to look at what he was holding. He set it down next to him on his other side. Any luck and he might forget about it.

Would that be good or not?

Ludwig cleared his throat, willing his head to forget about what just happened, if only for a moment. "Ah... here. Happy Christmas, Feliciano."

Feliciano took it and opened it quickly, staring with absolute happiness at its contents. His entire reaction was embarrassing, frankly. Ludwig did not know what else to say. Feliciano hugged him and Ludwig dropped his plate and ended up on his back in the grass.

"Thank you! Thank you!"

It was just paint, but Ludwig could not find himself arguing against the reason which found Feliciano on top of him with his arms around his torso. Ludwig hugged him back.

"It... it vas noding." Except it was not.

"It's snowing! Look Ludwig!"

Ludwig looked and laughed at the wonder of white blanketing everything in sight.

* * *

The decorations were almost complete. And one more candle to light. Hungary smiled at the lights. She wanted to be able to catch Ludwig's face when he saw the tree for the first time. On camera and everything. This Christmas was going to be perfect. She was distracted by a knock on the door and in being the only one home (_remember, pick Austria up at six before he tries to get home himself_), she went to answer it.

"Package for New Germany."

"I'll take that," she smiled, instant curiosity welling within her. Had Austria sent for something? But then it would have come to Austria and he would have given it to Ludwig. Had Ludwig bought something and had it sent?

She looked down at the parcel. It was from England.

Why would England send Ludwig a Christmas package? Hungary gripped the box tightly. More importantly, how did England even know about Ludwig? After France...

After America.

This was not something to discuss over the holidays.

* * *

It was Christmas Eve. Well, yet to be the Eve, it was only the afternoon. But still Ludwig found that his heart was pounding in his chest. He could not wait! He told himself it was ridiculous, that it was a day of which by now he was certain he had asked enough questions to understand what would happen. He knew what it would be like. Figuratively speaking, from other peoples' perspectives.

Which meant not at all. And Feliciano mentioned how he could never grown tired of Christmas. And for once Ludwig was hoping that time would pass more quickly.

"Calm down, nothing is going anywhere without you," Hungary grinned at him.

"Actually, plenty of things are," Austria said distractedly, probably because Hungary was massaging his shoulders. Ludwig was rather jealous right now. He only had Blackie sleeping behind him and Aster licking at his shoe.

Hungary blew at Austria's hair, causing the man to make noises of protest. "You'll have to excuse me," she began, causing Austria to moan and drop his head back against her. "_Someone_ has to start making the dinner."

"Don't let us stop you," Ludwig smirked into Aster's coat. Hungary rolled her eyes sarcastically and headed to the kitchen.

"Excited, I take it," Austria said, in his usual way. If Ludwig had not known better, he would say there was nothing that _did _excite Austria.

But he knew better. He was never going to unsee _that_.

"A little," Ludwig lied carefully. "It's new ant all. I'm curious."

The doorbell sounded and Austria rose to his feet. "People calling today? Just as long as it isn't Hungary's new boss. I know children find us fascinating, but displaying us to their families is just ridiculous..."

Ludwig struggled with himself – seeing whoever was at the door versus possibly being asked to help with supper. Both sounded wonderful, but if it was a Nation at the door!

"_Bleib,_" he told Blackie and Aster, getting to his feet and following after Mister Roderich. He peeked around the corner to see whoever it was. He had been let in the house, but had not gotten farther than the door being shut behind him. He wore a hat and a scarf, not taking them off, he was not going to be staying long.

The scarf the man wore was blue.

_Blau, blau, blau..._

This hat did not obscure his face. Something reminded Ludwig of fire, of the ships on the Northern coast. Something reminded him of town, where he had seen him once befo–

_Weil mein Schatz ein Seemann, Seemann ist._

It was him. It was the man he had run away from. Ludwig could feel his heart pounding, the pressure in his head. He wanted to run, but to where? This was his home, this was where he was supposed to be safe. If he was not safe here–

"Ludwig." Austria's voice snapped him out of his mental fright. Enough so that Ludwig managed to not seem as though he were panicking. "Come over here, I would like to introduce you to Japan."

Ludwig edged over, hands gripped in front of him as he came to stand by Austria. He managed to glance up at the Nation called Japan. His face was blank, as were his eyes. No emotion at all.

But in front of him, just like Ludwig, his hands were clasped together as if to abate his own nerves.

"Ah... Merry Christmas, New Germany-san," Japan bowed slightly. Ludwig glanced toward Austria, hoping beyond reason the other would give him some hint as to what to do.

"M-merry Christmas to you... Japan," Ludwig swallowed. Then he bowed as well, though much more lowly than Japan. Was it wrong? Ludwig simply wanted to run for it.

"Japan... helped us out a lot when we first took you in," Austria said, slightly stiff himself.

Japan gave a small nod at that. "I apologize for interrupting your holiday."

"I'm sorry!" Ludwig burst out. Japan blinked. "You voultn't hafe hat to help dem if I vastn't around, I'fe only been trouble since I came here, I didn't know dat you voult be bodered as vell and I–"

"Ge–New Germany-san!"

Ludwig bit his tongue, looking down. Japan did not say anything else, but Ludwig could not force himself to look back up at the other to see what sort of impression he might have taken of him.

Not that Japan seemed like the sort who would show his reaction. Other than his sudden outcry... he did not seem to care. Ludwig felt as if he were suffocating.

"I'm sorry for intruding."

"Not at all, Japan. I will hear from you upon the New Year?"

"Hai, Austria-san."

Only when the door shut did Ludwig allow the sob to escape from his lips. Austria came over, a hand coming under his chin and forcing Ludwig to look at him.

"Did he scare you?" Austria asked quietly. Ludwig swallowed, nodding. He did not know why. There was no reason to be scared. There was no reason at all. "He is the top power of the world and you are a Nation which has been founded on the idea of another. A single displeasure from him and he could destroy you. You have every right to be afraid."

Ludwig's shoulders heaved, tears streaming down his face. Austria let go of his chin, enfolding Ludwig in his arms. Ludwig gripped the front of Austria's jacket tightly.

"But no reason. Japan is fair and kind, if still unused to his newly found position. I assure you, Ludwig, that the last thing on his mind is to harm you in any way. He wants the best for you, as Elizaveta and I do. That is why he helped us, so we could help you. Do you understand?"

"B-but y-y-you ant... ant M-miss..." Ludwig buried his face into Austria's chest.

"Elizaveta and I would have cared for you with or without his help. You are not trouble, Ludwig. Well..." A chuckle escaped him and Ludwig could feel it in his temple. "You are trouble, but the kind Eliza and I rather like. In fact, I don't know what we would do without you. In case you haven't noticed, the both of us are a quite fond of you."

Ludwig's heart had stopped trying to leap out of his chest. "I'm... I'm not too annoying?" he managed to say, voice muffled into Austria's coat.

Austria sighed. "I'll tell you a secret. The only time you are _not_ annoying is when you call me Mister and Elizaveta Miss."

Ludwig pulled back from Mister Roderich, wiping his face off with the back of his glove, looking him in the face.

"If you say so, Roderich."

Roderich smiled and ruffled his hair.

* * *

It was after dinner that the bell rang. Ludwig laughed as he ran to see the Christmas tree.

And that night he had the dream again.

* * *

"This is the message of Christmas: We are never alone._" ~ Taylor Caldwell (1900-1985), English novelist._

"Was ist das dort drüben für eine Stadt?_" = _"_What is the city over there?_"

"Straßburg. Ein Teil GBs" = "_Strasbourg. Part of GB."_

"_Großbritannien. Das Vereinigte Königreich, bestehend aus England, Schottland, Irland, Wales und seit neustem auch Frankreich. Hinter dem Rhein, das ist Frankreich_" = "_Great Britain_. _The United Kingdom, made up of England, Scotland, Ireland, Wales, and just recently France.__That is France, across the Rhine._"

"Frankreich... Dankeschön" = "_France_... _Thank you."_

"Das Mindeste, was ich für mein Land machen kann_" = _"_Least I can do for my country._"

_For my fellow inhabitants of Alfred, to explain a bit about the traditions of a Germany Christmas which we do not have:_

_Christmas is celebrated on Christmas Eve. An Adventskranz is a wreath with four candles on it and each Sunday before Christmas a candle is lit. On the 6_th_ of December it is said St. Nikolaus comes in the night and children either got the golden rod for being bad or they get small presents for being good, which is put in their boots that the children have cleaned the night before._

_Thank you again Rinael for all of this knowledge._

* * *

_A report on the condition of the nation of South Italy, as displayed by a Human body:_

_-Hairline fractures of the occipital bone._

_-Broken left radial bone._

_-Right clavicle fracture._

_-Compacted fractures of both tarsals, fibula, and femurs._

_-Four broken ribs._

_-Healing bruises on forehead, left pectoral, back, and both legs._

_-Healing lacerations on the back of both arms._

_Believed to have acquired these injuries by being struck three to four times, fracturing his right clavicle and breaking two or three of his ribs and then falling out of a window about 8 meters above the ground, where he landed on his heels and then fell back, head hitting stone. Evidence of self-defence._

_-Healing slowly._

* * *

_A report on the condition of the nation of France, as displayed by a Human body:_

_-Hairline fractures of the occipital and parietal bones._

_-Shattered right humerus and carpus bones._

_-Broken right ulna and radius bones._

_-Fractured right ilium bone._

_-Bruised lumbar vertebrae._

_-Five broken ribs._

_-Healing bruises everywhere but for the stomach and the back of both legs._

_-Healing lacerations in the same areas._

_Believed to have acquired these injuries by being beaten by a muscular man around 180 cm tall with hands and feet. Suggested scenario of being struck into a wall before falling to the floor in fetal position. Evidence of self defence._

_-Healing slowly._

* * *

_Merry fictional Christmas._


	10. Of Hair

**Of Hair**

_And he waited... who would be coming to finish him... He wanted to see... One last time... no right to think... destroyed so much..._

_'It is time to let him go.'_

_...someone stepping through... the flames. He rose once more to his feet... almost the most..._

"_..."_

"_Ja–––"_

_'My...'_

"_Have you come to kill me?"_

* * *

'I want him to kill me. That was _me_ talking. In the dream, that is. 'Have you come to kill me'. I used to think that was him speaking, but no. It was me. This dream self of mine wants this stranger to kill me. I wait for him to come and destroy me.

Why?'

* * *

"You're gonna what?"

"Cut my hair," Ludwig said firmly. Feliciano stared at him with his usual expression of '_I don't get it/why/huh?_' that Ludwig was just coming to take as Feliciano's default thought process. At least, it added up to the greatest percentage of words that came out of his mouth. Other than pasta. Unless you counted rambling as a group, then that would be the greatest percentage. "I don't dink I like it being so long. It gets in de vay."

"Ve~" Feliciano tugged lightly on some of the hair in Ludwig's face. "How much'll be coming off?"

"Ah..." Ludwig reached up and brought his fingers up through his hair 'till they were closer to his head. "About here, I dink."

"That's short."

"Dat vas de point."

Feliciano hummed, the way Ludwig had come to realize was him trying to think. Finally, Feliciano seemed to come to a conclusion. "I can do it!" he exclaimed, arms waving everywhere.

"Vhat?" Ludwig questioned.

"I'll cut your hair! I'm good at that!"

"People trust you vith scissors?" Ludwig asked as Feliciano pulled him along.

"Of course! I had to cut me and my brother's hair all the time, because other people would always try cutting the wrong things and then it would hurt and Romano was bad at cutting hair for a long time."

Ludwig tried to imagine what it was that other people tried to cut off. All he could come up with was the ear. That would be a very fast way to convince someone to cut their own hair. Not that either of Feliciano's ears looked as though they had been cut. Or bitten. Or...

Ludwig stopped his thought process before he could get any further. All he knew was he should _really_ stop looking at Feliciano's ears and neck. What was wrong with him?

"Vhere are ve going?" Ludwig finally asked. Feliciano looked at him happily.

"My house! Though... it's been a while since I've been there, so no judging!"

"_Ja_," Ludwig nodded. Then he thought about it. "Den vhere vas it dat I saw you? Vhen you first made me pasta?"

"Oh! That was the home of the cook of one of my favourite restaurants!" Feliciano told him. "He's so nice! He says whenever I'm nearby and want to cook something I can just use his kitchen!"

"Do you..." Ludwig tried to consider it. "Do you often just go into your people's homes?"

"Oh yeah, all the time! They like it when I come to see them," Feliciano told him. "Don't you see your people?"

Ludwig thought about it. "I'fe been... slowly integrating myself."

"What? Okay," Feliciano looked at him strangely. Ludwig was not certain whether it was because it was a strange thing to say or whether it was because Feliciano did not know what integrating meant.

For some reason the outside of Feliciano's house looked crooked to him. Ludwig thought it was fitting. Either it explained why Feliciano had such a difficult time walking in a straight line or it was the cause of it. Feliciano finally let go of Ludwig's hand so he could pat himself down. "Now where are my keys... _Ve_..." Ludwig stood there for a few moments before taking a few steps toward the door, opening it. "Wow, thanks Ludwig!"

"But it vas not locked," Ludwig started to protest, but Feliciano went in without hesitation. Ludwig groaned. "Feliciano! Someone coult hafe broken in–"

"Nah, people break into my brother's house, not mine," Feliciano responded, turning on the light. Ludwig almost gagged at the condition of the place. Not that it was horribly messy per say (though Ludwig would never be caught dead living like this) but the amount of dust made him glad he was still toward the door.

Feliciano looked a bit dazed as he glanced about. Then he went and opened the window.

"I guess I'll be cleaning!" Feliciano announced, disappearing into another room Ludwig almost followed him, but did not really want to step farther into the house. "Sit down anywhere! I think..." his voice grew a bit fainter. "Here are some scissors!"

"Vhy don't ve clean first?" Ludwig shouted, staring with horror at the couch. Feliciano came back, staring at him.

"You want to help me clean?" he questioned.

"Yes please," Ludwig breathed out, near desperately. Feliciano grinned at him.

"I should've known... wait a sec!" Feliciano ran off back into the house. Ludwig took a quick look at the layout of the room and ran over to the other window, opening that one as well for fresh air. When was the last time he was here? Years ago? So much dust!

"Here we go!" Feliciano held up the things he had brought in. Ludwig stared at the bucket, the mop, the sponges, the cleaners and nearly had a heart attack. This was how he cleaned?

"Dis is going to take a vhile."

"Huh?"

_Bunt, bunt, bunt sind alle meine Kleider.__Just think of the song and clean. Do not think too much about the condition of the things around you._

For once being a maid in Roderich's house, Feliciano did not seem to know how to clean well. Ludwig supposed it would be good enough if the place was only slightly in disarray, but for _real_ cleaning it would never do. Ludwig may have never have had to deal with anything in a condition like this, but he at least knew what direction to take.

"Ew, something's living back here."

"Feliciano! Don't touch dat!"

"What's this?"

"I dink... you'll hafe to buy a new television."

_Bunt, bunt, bunt ist alles, was ich hab._

"Hey Ludwig! I'm going into the kitchen next!"

Ludwig nearly had another heart attack. "Please don't tell me dere's still food in dere."

Feliciano did not answer for a bit. "...no?"

Scratch that. Nothing could be as bad as this and he had no idea what direction to take. He almost wanted to call Elizaveta and ask her to save him from this terrible nightmare. They were going to toss the entire refrigerator. And Ludwig for once did not want to clean the larder, but he was not leaving that to Feliciano. Feliciano '_ve~_'d his way through the cupboards.

_Darum lieb ich alles, was so bunt ist._

"_Ve..._" Feliciano opened a door and then slammed it. Ludwig turned to see Feliciano leaning back against the door.

"Vhat is it?"

"Oh... nothing!" Feliciano gave him a slightly nervous smile. Ludwig stared. Maybe Feliciano _did_ realize what they had gotten into. "There're just a... a lot of little dogs in the bathroom!"

Ludwig continued to stare. "Little... little dogs."

"Yep." Feliciano nodded. "Little dogs." Ludwig walked over.

"Let me see."

"No!"

"Feliciano!"

"Ludwig!"

_Weil mein Schatz ein Maler, Maler ist._

It commenced in a struggle which ended with Ludwig opening and slamming the door much like how Feliciano had. Cockroaches. Ludwig managed to muffle his scream in Feliciano's shoulder. Feliciano wrapped his arms around him.

"Aren't they cute little dogs?" Ludwig tried not to cry. "Normally they're four legged, like Blackie and Aster, but these ones are _special_."

"You'fe been sniffing de cleaner, hafen't you," Ludwig moaned.

Feliciano sighed. "I think that's enough cleaning for today," Feliciano's head leaned against his.

"I'm going to hafe nightmares about dis for life." That was one thing Ludwig was certain of. Feliciano pulled him so they both could sit down on the cleaned couch. He sat there, head on Feliciano's shoulder, and tried to forget about everything he had just seen.

Feliciano was a painter. Not a maid. Definitely never a maid. Nor a great planner, because he had obviously not meant to_ not _come back to the house, or else there would not have been dirty dishes still in the sink.

_Dear god..._

"I'll cut your hair now. But I'd have to brush it first. Let me go find a bru–"

"No," Ludwig said firmly. "You are not brushing my hair vith anyding left in dis house."

"How about my fingers?" Ludwig groaned again and Feliciano started running his fingers through his hair. Which felt very nice. Ludwig shut his eyes. He could almost fall asleep like this, except he could not. Not in this house, anyway. Not until they had cleaned it out completely.

"Feliciano..."

"What?"

"Feliciano..."

"Yeah?"

"Ah..."

"Should I get a mirror?" Feliciano asked. Ludwig's eyes shot open as he heard the sounds of snipping behind his head.

"Bu– vell–"

"Hold your head still!" Feliciano scolded him. Ludwig winced, then kept as still as he could. Feliciano hummed as he snipped away and Ludwig could feel his hair falling on to his arms and on to his lap. He shut his eyes as Feliciano brushed some of it into his face.

"Ve just cleaned dis floor."

"All done!" Ludwig brushed his hands over his eyelids before opening them and looking toward Feliciano. Feliciano stared at him for a few moments, face very close to his. Ludwig leaned back slightly, hoping that his face was not really as warm as he felt it to be. "There's a mirror over here!" Feliciano hopped up to his feet, pulling him to the corner of the room. "What d'ya think?"

Ludwig stared at the mirror, at his face, for a few moments. For some reason... he had thought getting a new hair style would look a little weird at first, but it did not. This did not look strange at all. If Ludwig did not think about it, he could say his hair had been like this all along.

Though that would be stupid, especially with evidence of his hair all over the floor.

"I like it," he told Feliciano, looking back over at the Italian. "Dank you."

"Then keep it like that," Feliciano said firmly. Ludwig blinked.

"Vhat?"

"Don't! Don't... don't gel it back, or anything," Feliciano said, if a bit nervously. "Okay? Just keep it like that."

It was a strange request. Ludwig might almost have laughed at it, but for the look on Feliciano's face. "I... I vas not planning to..."

"Promise?"

Ludwig sighed. "I promise not to change my hair. Is dis necessary?"

"Yeah," Feliciano exhaled, kissing his cheek. Ludwig scowled, turning his face away from him. If he was not blushing before, he certainly was now. "Come over tomorrow to help me clean some more?"

"Vell... I can't leafe you to do it yourself," Ludwig huffed, continuing to stare at the wall at his right. Why were Italians all... touchy? He had asked Elizaveta about it and she had said it was not just him... which both made him feel better and made him– No! It just made him feel better. It was just... Italian. Ludwig was not the only one who got his personal space invaded.

"Thanks Ge-Ludwig. Thanks Ludwig."

Ludwig did not notice the slip up or think about it. Feliciano nearly screamed at himself after Ludwig left, wondering why he had just made Ludwig look more like Germany.

* * *

Hungary had been cleaning the mirrors when she saw Germany in the reflection. She barely kept herself from screaming, turning around to see Ludwig and nearly screamed again.

"Your hair!" she gasped. Ludwig looked at her oddly for a moment before he seemed to remember that he did not like such attention and looked away.

"I got it cut," he said obviously. "I dought... thought it voult be a nice change."

It might have looked nice on him, but Hungary could definitely not say it was a change. He had gotten so tall. Maybe it was more obvious to her, because she was so much shorter than him now. He still looked like a child, but still...

So much like Germany. Hungary tried not to cry.

"It looks very nice, Ludwig. It suits you perfectly."

"Really?" he asked, as always hoping he had pleased her. Hungary now tried not to laugh hysterically. When was the last time she had seen Germany?

"Yes, of course!"

When they were caught entering Germany's house, he demanding in a dead voice that Austria join him. She fought him then. She fought hard. But she was no match for him. For so long she did not remember anything.

"Dank you," Ludwig gave her a small smile and then continued in the house, dogs tailing behind.

She had never thought about having to forgive Germany for that moment. Not even through the times she had believed Ludwig could be him. She believed that Ludwig once was Germany. She believed this after reading through his journal.

But if it was true? If it was actually true?

It was surprising that she found herself able to forgive him so easily.

_Just continue to be my Ludwig, please. Just continue to be my little boy._

She regained herself a little too late. She could hear the exclamation from Roderich, who was not as often as good at restraining himself. Hungary let out a small curse and ran up the stairs.

* * *

He had thought it was Hungary at first. After all, he was working and Ludwig had gone out. Austria did not know whether he was home yet, but if he was Ludwig never interrupted him unless he wanted to go out and that would be slightly repetitive. "Come in," he said, not stopping.

"Roderich?"

Now that was Ludwig's voice. Austria turned around to see him.

And saw Germany. He let out a strangled noise, rising to his feet.

Ludwig took a step back, looking shocked. Probably not as shocked as Austria felt... but he understood. It was just Ludwig. Just... just him. Austria quickly tried to think of damage control.

"You cut your hair?" he said incredulously. How ridiculous, now it was going to look as though he was tight and controlling about Ludwig's _hair_ of all things. Just wonderful.

"I'm sorry," Ludwig responded immediately. Austria sighed, shaking his head.

"It... I'm sorry. I almost thought you were Gilbert. It looks too much like Gilbert's haircut."

Ludwig blinked, obviously never having considered that angle. And it was true. It looked like Prussia's hair. When not gelled back, Germany's hair looked a lot like Prussia's.

"Oh."

Hungary walked up behind Ludwig, giving Austria a look he recognized well. "It looks better on you than it does on him. Don't worry about it."

"Ah... really?" Ludwig questioned. Austria gave him a small smile.

"I don't lie to make you feel better, Ludwig." He returned to his chair and turned back to his work.

"Dat's true." Ludwig let out a low whistle. Austria turned to stare at him. "S-sorry to boder you, Mister Roderich!" And with that he scampered around Hungary and back downstairs. Hopefully to do his chores which he neglected in lieu of going out.

"Roderich..." Hungary closed the door behind her and walked up behind him, wrapping her arms around his shoulders and resting her head on his shoulder.

"What? Did we not expect him to look like Germany? We already knew this. And why wouldn't he cut his hair to look like Gilbert's? For heavens know what reason he looks up to the idiot."

"Right," she responded.

Neither moved for a while.

* * *

He had managed to surprise Elizaveta and scare Roderich with his new haircut. Plus, he had Feliciano's promise to not do anything weird with it. Ludwig was beginning to wonder whether cutting his hair had been worth it. Yesterday turned out to be too weird.

Was it really too much to hope that Gilbert might just act normal about it? Gilbert always said hair was just hair, it did not really matter. Even though Ludwig could very easily tell Gilbert took almost precarious care of his own hair, like it might fall out if he did not make it perfect. The man could be a walking hypocrite.

Ludwig thought it was funny. A little tiring at times, but funny nevertheless.

"You vanted to meet me here, _Südwessi_?" Gilbert shouted toward him from where he stood at the wall.

"Obviously. I callet!" Ludwig shouted back. Which is about when Gilbert fell off the wall. Ludwig stared incredulously at the sight for a few moments before running over. "Are you all right?"

"Of course!" Gilbert scoffed, brushing himself off quickly. "I mean to do dat!" Aster licked at his gloves. Ludwig looked at Blackie, who had sat down beside him. Her mouth was open, as if she were panting out her laughter. Ludwig tried to keep his smile in check.

"Sure you did," Ludwig snickered. Gilbert glared at him for a few moments, before attempting to pretend the incident never happened.

"I see ya cut your hair," Gilbert drawled.

"Actually..." Ludwig remembered that Gilbert was not being literal, nor was he going to mention that Feliciano cut it because he did not want to get into a conversation about Feliciano with Gilbert. "_Ja_."

"Vhy'd ya get it cut?" Gilbert leaned back against the wall. He was the first person to ask. Ludwig could not help smiling now.

"De hair kept getting in my face."

"Ah, you pussy." And his smile was gone.

"You try playing de piano vith Roderich behind you, vaiting for a single mistake! You von't vant any hair getting in your eye den!" Ludwig retorted with irritation. Oh, he bet Gilbert could not play the piano! Another reason why Roderich said he did not like him, most likely.

"Vha... you play piano?"

Gilbert sounded so incredulous, so much like he was going to laugh. Ludwig instantly felt defensive. "Of course I to! You dink Roderich voult let me life in his house if I didn't?"

"No." Gilbert shook his head.

"Exactly."

"No, I meant I don't dink you can play the piano. You're lying."

Ludwig scowled. "I can too. I'll prove it."

"Right," Gilbert threw an arm around him and tugged him off toward the west. "Though... I'll hafe you know, if you play someding like 'Twinkle, Twinkle' vith one finger, I reserve all rights to beat you up."

"Vhat's 'Twinkle, Twinkle'?" Ludwig questioned. Gilbert sighed.

"Never mind."

Gilbert took him to a bar. Barely anyone was there, but then again it was only late afternoon. Ludwig had never been inside a bar before and found himself wandering toward the counter. Gilbert laughed, but pulled him toward a piano.

"Dey have pianos in bars?"

"That's vhy they are called 'piano bars', _Süden_." Ludwig sat down as Gilbert gave a wave toward the barkeeper. Ludwig stared at the keys and wondered just how many people could have possibly played this piano. Then he tried not to think about it.

"I only know one piece vithout any music..." Ludwig told him. Gilbert shrugged.

"Den play it."

Ludwig only was able to play four notes before Gilbert stopped him.

"'_Für Elise_'? Are you serious? Roddy had you memorize dat? Bastard!"

"Vhat?" Ludwig gaped at him. Gilbert seemed to regain himself, beginning to laugh.

"Part of a history dat vould take a little too long to explain." He snickered some more. "Go on."

Ludwig frowned, looking at Gilbert for a little longer before staring ahead of himself. He was certain he should feel less pressured to play it perfectly. Gilbert was not a master piano player, like Roderich and would not nitpick him (_hopefully_). Still, he found his heart beating quickly as he played through the piece. When he finished, he looked over at Gilbert.

The man, frankly put, looked stunned.

"You did it!"

"You dought I'd be dat bad?" Ludwig asked, a little bit hurt by Gilbert's lack of faith in him. But Gilbert shook his head, still staring at him with that same expression.

"No! I'm just amazed anyone taught by Austria can actually play de piano! It vas amazing!"

"It'd better be," Ludwig said bitterly. "I practised dis until I got sick of it. Now I can't play much else vell."

Gilbert laughed so loudly and for so long the barkeeper threw them both out.

* * *

_Thank you for reading a chapter about what happens when a boy has his hair cut._

_Feliciano and Ludwig fighting over a door... Forget what I said a few chapters back, Feliciano is as good as only sixteen. He is just supposed to be older. Oh. And thank Dancing Feather for the 'little dogs'. Oh boy._


	11. When In Dark

**When In Dark**

_His home... destroyed. That... no longer felt like his home anymore. There... was one place whe... many... d that place now._

_A... growled._

_...sighed, patting... pushed her towards the door. "..._Ab."

_...e of them re... d in... knew why – they understood m... e gave them credit for. Still..._

"Ab!" _he... out the door. Be... licked his glove... hesitate._

_'I don't want to die.'_

"**Ab!**"_ he sh... tz left._

_'But I can't live after this.'_

_And he waite... be coming to... and he did... ee_ him _one more... g knew he had no right to think so... y's life as it were._

_'It is time to let him go.'_

_...stepping through the ashe... r of the flames. He... to see whom he was almost the most glad..._

"_Ger..."_

"–––"

_'My friend.'_

"_Have ... me?"_

_...sword, another holding... expressionless, but this... look... hed he could understand... much and he lost contr... ck of living..._

"_I'm so sorry..."_

"_Don't be."_

_They were speaking s... y made any sudden mo... And as much as... the excuse to kill him... ng for any opening which... have the advantage... three bullets._

_Part of the roof fell down..._

_He had never... before, but he had watc... lucky he was that had never bef... was relieved... e as quick as he could..._

…_bullets coming from the ot... by a few I... the smaller... hit him in the shoulder. G... ignore it._

_He sho... in the arm which was h... sense of panic and he... foot out._

_...again._

_But he did not feel... One small whine wa... able to pull his fo... grabbing Be... she hit the ground._

"_..." Lud... felt her tongue on..._

_And... ng._

_...stop crying. Not even wh... adow cov... om seeing his..._

_He... looked up to see his friend. Tears streamed down... u's face._

"_I'm so sorry," they both said... stabbed him._

_And_..._ knew..._

* * *

Ludwig gasped, sitting up.

He was in a forest. It was the middle of the night. He had no idea how he had gotten there.

"_Hallo_?" Ludwig shouted, rising to his feet. Who was he expecting to answer? Ludwig had no idea. He did not recognize this place. Then again there would not be many places he would recognize in the dark. None of them would be outside the house, but for Munich on a December's evening.

His heart pounded and Ludwig tried to calm himself down. Be rational. He knew that panicking would not help him. "_Hallo_?"

There was no Blackie. There was no Aster. He was completely alone.

Ludwig looked up at the sky. The morning had been cloudy, the afternoon had been cloudy. The evening it seemed to be clearing up, but now it was cloudy again. There was no light. He could barely make out the trees standing near him.

"_Hilfe_?" Ludwig shouted again, gripping his bare arms. He could barely feel his feet. All he had on was his undershirt and shorts. It was cold.

Coming to the conclusion no one was going to come for him, he decided it was best to get a move on. Staying where he was was unlikely to help. Pick a direction and head in it. Ludwig did not hesitate. He picked the direction of uphill and started off, stumbling over anything that he could not guess to see, anything his numb feet would trip over. He could not see himself making any progress. Everything was black.

"_Schwarz, schwarz, schwarz sind alle meine Kleider,_" he breathed out, his outstretched hand feeling a tree before he walked into it. "_Schwarz, schwarz, schwarz ist alles, was... was ich h-hab._" He inhaled something and coughed on it, though he did not stop. Not now, he could not stop. He still felt as if he were in the same place he had woken up in.

"_Darum lieb ich alles, w-was so schwarz ist._" His voice raised up as he started to run. "_W-Weil mein Schatz... Schatz ein..._"

And he fell.

"_**Gilbert!**_"

* * *

Prussia had never been called so often by Austria. He remembered when the man hated hearing from him, hated him being around, did not want to admit how awesome he was. Now it seemed he was always calling for a favour.

Though if Austria had not told him about this, Prussia might have had to kill him.

"**Ludwig!**" he shouted into the dark. "_Komm schon, Blackie, wo ist er? Du kannst das, mein Mädel_!"

He had taken Blackie with him and Hungary took Aster, while Austria had to stay at the house. Prussia had found himself quickly mentioning that if Ludwig came back it would be good that someone was there. Someone needed to stay at the house. Still, Prussia was certain Austria had never hated himself and his lack of directions anymore than now. Now that Ludwig was missing.

Woken up to howling again. Hungary had told him she was certain Ludwig was having another fit again. Except he was not there.

What if he was having a fit, somewhere out there? What if someone had taken him?

The window was open. Aster had been scrambling to jump out as Blackie had nearly bashed down the door.

"_**Süden!**_" he shouted again as Blackie started off in a direction. Prussia kept his flashlight on the dog. Honestly, next time he had the chance he would have to remind Ludwig just how stupid it was to get a black dog a dark collar. Too easy to lose in the dark.

Like Ludwig.

"_Verdammt! Jetzt komm schon, sag was! Wenn du mich hören kannst... sag etwas! Sag... sag einfach irgendwas!_"

Blackie kept going forward, waiting for him whenever she thought to. Prussia did not envy Hungary right now. Aster had always been the most impatient out of the three. Two. Still, with the dogs they had to find him. There was no way they could not find him.

In an hour though... in an hour he was becoming frantic. Screaming to the breaking point of his voice.

Finally, Blackie let out one loud bark. Prussia stood stock still.

"_**Ludwig**_?"

"_**Gilbert!**_"

Both dog and Nation ran.

Blackie reached him first, laying down by her master, who was on the ground. She carefully pressed her nose in his face.

"Ludwig!" Prussia exclaimed, falling to his knees at Ludwig's side. The light showed slight movement, Ludwig trying to get up to his feet. Prussia nearly cried out loud. He was alive! He was all right, this time... oh, _this _time he was not too late... "_Wessi_... I'm here, I'm here..."

He carefully reached out for Ludwig, pulling him up. Ludwig did not twitch, nor did Prussia hear sounds of anythins breaking, so he did not stop as he pulled the boy into his lap. Boy? The boy who was as tall as him... when had that happened?

Again.

"_Brave, mein Mädel_," he praised Blackie quietly as he did his best to check the state of the young Nation. Dirty – he could live with that. The bottoms of his feet were cut up and bleeding, probably from walking around while he could not see where he was going.

But if Ludwig had been running away (_which Prussia could not believe, because even if for some reason he wanted to leave Austria and Hungary he would never leave the dogs, no no_) he would have taken shoes. He would be wearing shoes right now.

Had someone taken him? The dogs would not have waited so long to raise an alarm though. Unless it was someone they knew and trusted. No, wait. Not even then. If someone bore Ludwig any ill will, neither Aster or Blackie would have let them step into the room. Prussia grabbed his cell phone and pressed for the first number he had on speed dial.

It was picked up before it rang once.

"Hello?"

"Calm down Roderich, I found him."

"Oh, thank God... where?"

"Near Hannover. He's got no shoes though... ant his feet are a mess. He vas not planning on going out, Roddy. He had to have just been ready for bed, he vould not have gone out like dis."

"But... I checked the best I could. There was no evidence of anyone climbing up to his window."

"You vent outside?"

"I kept my hand against the wall!"

"Look," Prussia sighed. "He's freezing cold." He took off his own jacket and wrapped it around as much of the other as he could. "I'm taking him to my place, it's closer. Call Eliza, tell her I found him, 'kay?"

"Yes, yes. Thank you, Gilbert. Thank you, _thank you_..."

"Don't mention it. Ever." Prussia hung up, slipping his phone back in his pocket. With a grunt, he stood back up with Ludwig in his arms. Blackie followed after as Gilbert walked north to home. Well, where home was now.

Ludwig groaned, trying to sit up when Prussia walked over the border. "Don't move on me now... I don't vant to drop you."

"Vha..."

"Shut up and don't struggle."

Ludwig seemed to come to the conclusion this was the best thing to do as well and did as Prussia said. Prussia felt tired. He had not felt tired for a while now. Then again, he had not been interrupted in the middle of the night by a call which said Ludwig was missing until now. And he never wanted such a call again. Ludwig was going to stick around, god damn it. Prussia was _not_ going to let him disappear.

Whether he was once Germany or not.

"How did you find me?" Ludwig finally asked as Prussia set him down on his bed.

"Guess," Prussia said irritably as Blackie sat down next to the bed.

Ludwig stared over at the Great Dane and brought a hand out to pat her head. Prussia left the room, coming back five minutes later with bandages, water, cloth, and two kinds of alcohol. He sat down at the end of the bed and pulled Ludwig by the ankles so that his feet rested on his lap. Ludwig propped himself up on his elbows to look at him.

"Vhat the hell happened?" Prussia snapped, beginning to wipe the blood from Ludwig's feet. Ludwig bit his lip to keep from making any noise. Prussia would normally not be impressed by it, except for the fact Ludwig could not have dealt with much physical pain before. He was young... but Prussia kept forgetting _how_ young. It was difficult when the other was as tall as him.

"I... I don't know," Ludwig swallowed, letting his back lay flat on the bed. "I voke up... ant I vas outside. I don't know... how I got dere. I just vas. I didn't recognize anyding, it vas too dark."

Prussia continued to glare down at Ludwig's feet, carefully pulling out splinters. "Dat all?"

"I..." Ludwig's voice sounded close to tears, but the boy kept himself from crying. "I vent uphill, hoping maybe one I got out of de trees I might be able to see someding... I just..."

Prussia stopped, shutting his eyes tightly for a moment before rolling a beer over toward Ludwig's head. "It's okay. It's okay. Just... just take some breaths, 'kay? Take it easy vhile I patch you up."

Eventually Ludwig picked up the can and took a few swallows.

"Elizaveta vill probably be coming soon, vith Aster," Prussia went on to say. "Depends on vhere she vas vhen I found you."

Ludwig nodded, head leaning back against the pillow. Prussia began to wrap up his feet. Not that it would stay like that for long, Hungary would probably redo it herself. She was much better at it anyway. But at least his feet would not just keep bleeding.

"I vish you were my bruder."

Prussia nearly choked, twisting around quickly to look at Ludwig. "Vhat?"

Ludwig blushed, or maybe Ludwig did not have a good tolerance of alcohol. That would be a difference from Germany. "I know dat's probably a horrible thing to say, vith your bruder... missing. But I vish you vere my bruder."

His brother had been missing. His brother was still missing. Prussia was not certain which was true anymore. Suddenly he wondered why he had not been out there looking for him. Why had he not been the one to find Ludwig, to take care of him? He would have done it, he would have been better than before! He would not make this same mistakes that he had done with _Wessi_...

It had been forever since he had done this for Germany, but Prussia did not hesitate in leaning over and hugging the boy. He was never all _gushy_.

But it kept him from crying.

* * *

"Hallo?" _= "Hello?"_

"Hilfe?"_ = "Help?"_

"Komm schon, Blackie, wo ist er? Du kannst das, Mädchen!" _= "Come on Blackie, where is he? You can do it girl!"_

"Verdammt! Jetzt komm schon, sag was! Wenn du mich hören kannst... sag etwas! Sag... sag einfach irgendwas!" _= "Damn it! Come on, say something! If you can hear me... say something! Just- just say anything!"_

"Brave, mein Mädel"_ = "Good girl."_

_Before any theories are made, I will dispel them now. Ludwig was sleepwalking. That is all._


	12. When You Paint A Picture

**When You Paint A Picture**

_...again._

_But he... bullet tear through him. One small whine... escaped her. Ludwig found... moving, grabbing Berlitz before she..._

"_Berlitz, Berlitz, no..." Ludwig sobbed... her tongue on his cheek._

_And she stopped moving._

_Ludwig could not stop crying... it became dark and –––'s shadow... precious dog's face._

_...looked up to see his friend. Tears streamed down..._

* * *

"No, no, no," Feliciano shook his head. Ludwig watched, waiting for Feliciano to deem he had denied it enough so that he could move on with his point. "I didn't call you here to clean. We're nearly done anyway, we can take a break!"

"Or," Ludwig pointed out, "ve could take a break after ve finish cleaning de place." Blackie was quietly laughing at him again. Sometimes, just sometimes... he really wanted to scold that dog. But she was not doing anything wrong, other than making him think she was laughing at him. In her own, Great Danish way. Meanwhile Aster was returning with the stick. If only Blackie could be that easily distracted.

"Then it won't be a break anymore!" Feliciano pouted. Ludwig sighed.

"To revard ourselves den," he shrugged. Feliciano let out a strangled sound of frustration and practically draped himself over him. Ludwig spluttered and tried to get Feliciano to stand on his own.

"But I have a present to give you!" Feliciano protested. Ludwig stopped, hands gripping Feliciano's shoulders as he pulled him back so he could look at him.

"A present?" Ludwig questioned. It was not Christmas again (though Ludwig already wished the year had gone by so it could be) and Ludwig could not think of another time that gifts could be given randomly by people (except for birthdays, but that was completely different). Well, both Roderich and Elizaveta gave out gifts at random times, but they were his caretakers and therefore Ludwig was certain that did not count. They seemed to think it was necessary. "Vhy?"

"Because!"

"Vell..." Ludwig cleared his throat, letting go of Feliciano. "I don't see how dat voult stop us from cleaning."

"It's not a... thing," Feliciano hummed. "It's... something to _do_. I want to _do_ something with you. But it means no cleaning. At least today. Please?"

"Cleaning _is_ doing someding..." Ludwig began, but his words were falling flat. "Are you su... fine."

"Yay! Cause I already set it up!" Feliciano began dragging him out the door. Protests thought to come to Ludwig's lips, but he quelled the instinct instantly. Why argue? There never seemed to be any point. And some of the time (most of the time, all of the time?) he would prefer being out doing what Feliciano wanted to do.

Even if when he did not know what it was going to be he would become a little nervous.

It was very easy to recognize the place that Feliciano led him to. The fence below the hill... and just like before there was an easel perched on top of the hill. Two in fact. And Ludwig knew what Feliciano wanted him to do.

"Oh... oh no," Ludwig shook his head. "I don't know how to paint. I don't know anyding about it."

"I'm going to teach you!" Feliciano reassured him, tugging him close to the easel. Both dogs just lay down in the grass, Blackie sunning and Aster looking as though she were ready to enjoy a show.

Roderich said he attributed too many Human aspects to his dogs. Ludwig knew they were not Human, which is why he knew how to attribute certain actions they did in Human like terms. He had only had them for a few months, but it seemed like forever.

"It's easier without gloves," Feliciano advised and Ludwig looked down at his hands.

"Right..." Ludwig took off his gloves, pocket knife now hanging down from his wrist from the brown string which tied it to his wrist. Pocket it may have been intended for, but after _that_ night Ludwig was not going to risk it. There was a small flashlight in there. And he never wanted to go anywhere without light again.

Feliciano's words were simple as he explained painting, but for some reason they seemed much more difficult. Ludwig held one of the brushes nervously, listening to every word which left Feliciano's tongue.

Though he probably should not be watching Feliciano's tongue so closely. What was wrong with him?

"What do you want to paint?"

"I... I don't know."

"Oh come on... you can choose anything!"

Ludwig's eyes moved around until they settled on the two dogs. "Dem?" he asked quietly, wondering if that was a good idea. Feliciano grinned at him. Of course, that did not tell Ludwig much. What Feliciano thought were great ideas were... well, not always great ideas.

Ludwig still found that he was nervous as he pressed the brush against the canvas, but it was a strange feeling as well. It reminded him of writing in his journal, except that his mind was not scrambling for the words. There were no words, just movements. Just colour. He started with Aster, as the black paint seemed slightly imposing.

"Maybe... I'm not meant to be a painter," Ludwig finally sighed, staring at what he was coming up with. He did his best not to look at Feliciano's canvas, but from the corner of his eye he could already see Blackie and Aster on the side of it.

"Don't say that!" Feliciano pouted, coming over to his side. "What's the problem?"

"Vell..."

"Oh... the foot!" Feliciano exclaimed softly, reaching over and taking the hand which was holding the paintbrush in order to steady it. Ludwig suddenly could not think. He could not look at his painting either. He found his eyes trailing toward Feliciano.

_Ich bin so ein Idiot, Ludwig._

"D-did you get rid of dat refrigerator?" Ludwig said quickly. Feliciano thought about it, not even looking at the picture as he moved the brush and fixed the problem. Ludwig's jaw fell open, but he quickly snapped it shut.

"Oh yeah. Good thing too – I remember Kiku telling me about how food left in the fridge for a long time mutates and then kills you when you're not looking!"

Ludwig now stared at the Italian and asked the only logical question he could consisting of anything from that sentence. "Who is Kiku?"

Right as he asked it the question seemed wrong. Had he heard this name before? No, no he had not. He had never heard the name Kiku before.

_Blau, blau, blau sind alle meine Kleider... ein Seemann, Seemann ist..._

Japan.

Japan? Why would he think that?

"Oh! He's a friend of mine," Feliciano said off handedly, waving his other hand as he always seemed to have to when he spoke. "Japan."

He was right. Ludwig knew he should not be proud of being able to guess that. He should be disturbed that he knew when he knew he did not. But Ludwig did not feel either of those things. He just felt as if he had always known. He started, realizing that Feliciano was still talking.

"In fact, he and the other friend of mine... who disappeared... we were all really close. We tried to take over the world once!"

No matter how long Ludwig tried thinking about it, none of it made much sense. "Vhy?"

Feliciano laughed, though it choked off quickly. "I don't know! I didn't understand it, I just did it because G– because his boss ordered him to and so I went along with him. Or something like that."

Ludwig stayed quiet as Feliciano let go of his hand. At that, Aster got up and ran down the hill. Blackie lumbered up shortly and gave chase after the shorter dog.

Ludwig felt like he had fallen into a bad topic of conversation and did not know the first thing to get him out of it. He decided on going back to painting and turned his head toward where both of his dogs were playing.

"Blackie! Aster! Berlitz!" Ludwig called and the two returned.

"Ludwig!" Feliciano gasped. Ludwig turned toward the Italian, who was looking absolutely horrified. Ludwig tried to think of what he had done wrong.

"Feliciano?"

"What did you say?"

"I... I just called Blackie and Aster," Ludwig responded slowly. Feliciano shook his head frantically. Eventually he slowed down and simply reverted back to staring at him again.

"Oh... _Oddio... tu davvero non sai... davvero..._" Feliciano cleared his throat. "Nothing. I just... what?"

Ludwig sighed, trying not to be distracted by the one wayward curl which kept moving for a little bit even after Feliciano's head stopped. "Nefermind."

Aster turned out looking like a fawn blob. Feliciano was telling him otherwise, but Ludwig knew what he was seeing. It sucked. He was so self conscious about it he turned it away from Aster, afraid she would look and know it was supposed to be her.

* * *

"You've been out a lot recently."

Veneziano let out a small squeak of surprise at his brother's voice, turning around to see him. Then he let out another squeak. "Romano! What're you doing on the ground?"

"Sitting," Romano grumbled as Veneziano rushed over to him, squatting down besides him.

"That can't be comfortable, on the floor, brother. Maybe you should go back to the couch–"

"Don't touch me, dammit!" Romano shouted and Veneziano flinched, pulling back from him. Romano was always yelling at him. But it still hurt each time he did. Veneziano wrapped his arms around himself. "Where the hell do you keep on going?"

"...out?" he responded quietly. Romano growled and leaned back against the wall, shutting his eyes.

"Whatever. Just go."

He was going out a lot. To see Ludwig. They would not understand that. But... Lovino could not go anywhere. He refused a wheelchair, like Spain had told him England was in. He refused anyone to help him walk. Lovino refused any help. It was such a struggle for Antonio to do anything for him when he would not let him.

And they were so close before. Their relationship shattered like Lovino's legs.

Veneziano sniffed.

"Oh! Don't you start crying!" Romano warned him, as Veneziano sniffed again, tears streaming down his face. "Don't you start crying, dammit! Damn you, I said don't cry!" But Feliciano was. And so was Lovino. Lovino leaned into him and Feliciano cried into his shoulder. Carefully. Lean against him at all and he might fall apart.

It was so hard to remember that it was Germany who had done this to his brother. So hard to think about it. So easy to forgive him for it.

Oh, Lovino had every reason to hate him now. And yet he did not. Feliciano almost wished he really did.

* * *

"Don't forget about the cupboard in the living room this time," Roderich finished informing him.

"Yes."

Again, Ludwig had lost his nerve during his lessons. He was going to ask about other countries, he was going to ask about Japan. But for some reason he could not. Roderich knew he knew about Japan, it was not as if he was asking about another Nation, like North Italy! Roderich was likely to become peeved over that, especially if he found out how much time Ludwig had been spending with the other Nation lately.

Why was he kept from other people? That was the question he kept wanting to ask anyone. No one seemed to think much of it. If he had not spent so much time outside, he would have never met Gilbert, or Feliciano. Would Roderich or Elizaveta ever have introduced him to Gilbert if he had never seen Gilbert in Berlin?

He would never have met Feliciano.

He cleaned the living room with ease. After Feliciano's house, anything was a breeze to clean. Feliciano had promised him he was not sleeping there, but Ludwig still worried he was spending too much time with all of those... _germs_.

...wide berth around the piano. Unless Roderich was in the room, Ludwig was not allowed to touch this piano. It made things difficult when he wanted to practice. And for that, Ludwig was grateful for the keyboard upstairs, even if Roderich deemed it was crude and an insult to his 'baby downstairs'.

Those were Austria's words. He just had not known both Elizaveta and Ludwig had been there to hear them. Both of them laughed for ages.

He pulled open the corner cupboard and began pulling things out. "Here's your toy," he called over his shoulder, rolling a green ball along the floor. Blackie did not bother getting up. Aster brought a paw up and landed it on the ball before seemingly going back to sleep.

Ludwig smiled and turned back to the cupboard, next pulling out a small box.

_To New Germany_. _Ludwig._

Ludwig stared down at it for a moment, taking in mind the festive postage stamps. Was this... from Christmas?

_From England_.

Ludwig found himself pulling out his pocket knife so he could cut off the tape, opening the box quickly as if Roderich or Elizaveta were likely to find him.

There was a book inside. A small book. With shaking hands Ludwig picked it up.

_'Alice's Adventures in Wonderland.'_

He opened the front cover and stared at the English words within.

It had been hidden from him for some reason. Because it was from a country which should not know about him? He knew Roderich was still very strict about him not seeing other Nations. Even Gilbert managed to turn him down when he asked whether Gilbert would introduce him to any.

But... but it was his. For him. His book. Ludwig was not lacking for belongings, but in the sheer amount of time Roderich, Elizaveta, Gilbert, and even Feliciano had been alive... they had things which made no sense to Ludwig. Trinkets from long ago. Ludwig had objects from a year of existence.

And this was his.

He finished cleaning quickly, afterwards rushing upstairs with both Aster and Blackie and closing himself in his room to read.

* * *

"_Oh, you can't help that," said the Cat: "we're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad."_

* * *

'I wonder if Lewis Carroll understood how a Nation feels. Compared to a Human being... things happen to us that have been scientifically proven impossible. I have seen Elizaveta pull a frying pan out of her sleeve. I have seen Roderich get a head wound without anything even hitting him. We are affected by the world in ways that no one understands.

Or maybe we are all just mad.'

* * *

"Spain. What brings ya 'ere?"

"Hello Scotland," Spain smiled. "I was wondering... well... could I see–"

"France?" Scotland finished for him with a slight sigh. Spain suddenly wondered if he was overstepping his boundaries. He had heard France was awake, but... "Com'on in. Arthur's out, so ya dun have ta worry 'bout 'im."

"I wasn't worried," Spain responded, slightly surprised. Scotland shook his head, waving him in and gesturing toward the right. Spain wandered in slowly, a slight exclamation escaping him as he saw France sitting on the couch.

"France!"

"S-Spain?" France's soft voice came out, surprised as he glanced up from his laptop. "Spain! How are you?"

If Spain only had been able to hear France, over the phone or something like that, he would have said that France was doing much better. But his image was not matching up with the alacrity of how he rose to his feet.

"Same as always!" Spain smiled. "But you! You..." Spain usually never found himself at a lack for words. Romano was right, maybe he had not been getting enough sleep. "Well..."

"As our dear friend would say, I look like shit. Correct?" France grinned, sitting back down and gesturing right next to him.

"Took the words right out of his mouth," Spain laughed, sitting down next to him.

"I'm very good like that," France agreed, leaning back. "Which is why I can tell that you are lying, my friend. You are never always the same. You just manage to make everyone think you are. I have never met a better actor. Though Scotland can project a pretty good Wales. You should ask to see it."

"Sounds like a plan," Spain said cheerfully. France narrowed his eyes at him and Spain found his ability to ignore France's words dwindling. "I'm tired, Francis," Antonio admitted, rubbing at his eyes. "I don't have a right to say so, but–"

"Antonio," France said seriously. Spain stopped to turn his eyes back on to the other. "You have every right. Don't dare make yourself a martyr like _Eyebrows._" The usually teasing or (what had been just lately) fond nickname escaped him with some disgust.

"Now that's not a nice thing to say about your spouse," Spain protested. As soon as he said it though, Spain could tell he had missed something. France was staring at him with a look that suggested he though Spain was insane.

"Spouse? What spouse?" France asked him. Spain stared.

"England of course!"

"What the hell Spain." It was not a question. France was seriously pissed. Spain sighed, sprawling himself back against the rest of the couch. He thought about it for a moment before looking back to France.

"You're telling me, _mi amigo..._ Arthur never told you he had to marry you to keep you from wasting away in your sleep?"

And with those words, Francis merely looked shocked, staring ahead at the wall. Spain took that as an affirmative. England had not told him? Well, England had not been speaking, but that was besides the point. Scotland could have said, Ireland could have said, Wales could have said! England could have grabbed the marriage registration form and have shaken it in France's face!

"_Le bâtard. Cet horrible... Pourquoi ne me l'a-t-il pas dit? Pourquoi il dirait ces choses, si il..._" France's head fell into his left hand.

The both stayed silent for a while.

* * *

"_When you paint a picture, write a story, hum a note... you bear naked your current mind to an audience unlikely able to understand."_ -Anonymous

_Mutating food in refrigerators... Cowboy Bebop, anyone?_

_I am starting to think someone needs to tell Ludwig he is a teenage male and all of these 'feelings' *coughcough* are natural. Poor boy._

"Ich bin so ein Idiot"_= "I'm an idiot."_

"Oddio... tu davvero non sai... davvero..._"__ = "_Oh my God... you really don't know... You really..."

"Le bâtard. Cet horrible... Pourquoi ne me l'a-t-il pas dit? Pourquoi il dirait ces choses, si il..." _= "Bastard. That horrible... Why wouldn't he tell me? Why would he say those things if he really..."_


	13. Who We Are, Who We Want To Be

**Who We Are, Who We Want To Be**

"_Dis is de end... _Ab. Ab! **Ab!**"

"_Ger..."_

"_...n."_

"_Have you come to kill me?"_

"_I'm so sorry..."_

"_Don't be."_

"_...no..."_

"_I'm so sorry."_

* * *

'I've stopped having any other dreams. The only dream I have nowadays is the one I can barely remember. Writing it down only helps so much. I can remember the house. I am in a house, the embers left of the fire that has likely just consumed it. I am waiting for another Nation to come and kill me.

And he does.

Blackie and Aster are there. I make them leave. I had this dream before I had them though. Is this my mind trying to turn me crazy? My mind adding things I actually know so I loose my grip on the fact it is only a dream?

It is only a dream. Right?

Such a curious dream...'

* * *

"Do you... Do you remember your dreams?" Ludwig asked Feliciano as he threw the ball down the hill, both dogs running after it.

"_Ve~_" Feliciano flopped from side to side, taking a few steps down to try and grab the ball. Aster tended to run him over and Blackie would keep him down by licking his face. Ludwig would usually end up laughing even though he knew he should be scolding the dogs and helping Feliciano up.

Now that was a question. Should he continue doing as he wanted to do? Or should he do as he knew he should do? The former was what he wanted, but... sometimes...

Sometimes he felt as though he should be paying more attention to the rules he had set up for himself when he was younger.

"Sometimes," Feliciano responded. "Last night I had a dream that my brother grew this giant tomato and it began chasing me. I ran to Hungary and she beat it away with a pan. Then Romano started crying. Actually... that sounds like something that could happen. Scary." Feliciano shivered, reaching out and grabbing the ball as Blackie dropped it in front of him.

"Tomatoes... don't chase," Ludwig reminded Feliciano. Just in case he had forgotten. Ludwig was never sure.

"Shows what you know!" Feliciano retorted as he threw the ball. It did not go far. Part of the reason Ludwig decided they were better off on top of the hill. At least it still went somewhere. "Tomatoes chase. Especially when Nations throw them at you. But then Romano gets mad. Waste of tomatoes, he says. I would agree... but food fights can be so much fun! Especially when you can eat the food."

Aster brought the ball to where Ludwig was sitting. He took it, stood up, and threw it into the distance, watching as both dogs ran after. Feliciano took a few steps so that he was at Ludwig's side.

"You're taller than me."

Ludwig looked back at Feliciano. Looked down at Feliciano. "I am," he responded, almost surprised by the realization. Funny how he had not noticed before. He was not taller by much, but he was still taller. It almost seemed like just the other day Feliciano would pull him into his regular hugs and Ludwig would find his face in Feliciano's neck. Now...

"Don't grow any more!" Feliciano complained, grabbing him tight in a hug. Ludwig found himself slightly sliding down the hill and so sat down before he would end up rolling down. Feliciano easily sat down next to him, never letting up on his hug. Not that Ludwig minded.

Well, except for the hair that was nearly in his face. That single strand of hair.

"Vell... I can't really control dat. Can I?" Ludwig questioned as Feliciano finally loosened his grip up enough so Ludwig could breathe.

That hair. Ludwig brought his hand up so he could push it out of the way.

"I don't know, maybe?" Feliciano was mumbling into his shoulder.

Ludwig grabbed the hair and tried to push it out of his face.

Feliciano kissed him.

Ludwig did not know what to do. This was wrong, he should not be doing this. He knew that. If Roderich ever found out he would be so dead. How he would find out Ludwig had no idea. Still, Ludwig found these thoughts running through his mind as he ended up with his back flat on the grass and the Italian moving on top of him, straddling him and never once breaking contact with his lips.

Was that a moan or a whimper which escaped him? Then rethought that. _He_ was not the only one making those noises. Did that make it more or less embarrassing...? With Feliciano's tongue in his mouth, hand in his hair, kissing him! Well, with his tongue in his mouth that was implied.

None of that mattered though, if he could just stop thinking. If he just stopped thinking, he could think about how this was absolutely perfect.

_Yes..._

Feliciano pulled back, both of them panting and flushed. At least, Ludwig guessed he was flushed because if he was not it would be a very big surprise.

"He he... wow," Feliciano giggled, looking down at him with a smile. Ludwig tried to think of something to say, something quickly, something that would work for this moment...

But there was nothing. This was not something he had prepared for.

"Are you okay?"

"Uh..." Ludwig swallowed, trying to think. All that came to mind was that Feliciano probably always tasted like pasta. That... and how he would really like to taste more of it. "_Ja_."

Feliciano's smile vanished almost instantly. "Oh. Oh no. I didn't... oh no." Just like that he moved away from Ludwig, allowing the dazed youth to sit up.

"Feliciano?" Ludwig asked slowly.

"I shouldn't have..." Feliciano backed away, tears springing to his eyes. "I didn't mean to! Oh no! I'm so sorry Ludwig!"

"You're crying! I'm sorry... Vhat...?" Ludwig rose to his feet. And Feliciano ran. "I'm sorry! Feliciano! _Feliciano!_" But the other did not stop, leaving Ludwig there alone. "Vhat? Vhat did I do vrong? I'm sorry!"

But Ludwig was left without any answers.

* * *

"Mmm... Roderich..."

"Yes... ah, yes... my dear?"

Hungary grinned down where she had effectively pinned Austria down on his desk. "I thought..." she was cut off as his mouth covered a particularly vital region. "_Oooh..._ Roderich... I thought you had to... _wooork..._"

"I am," he responded breathlessly, reaching for her blouse. Which was right as Hungary's door senses went off.

"Ludwig's home," she explained as she got off of him. Austria groaned, the back of his head hitting the desk as she buttoned her top and smoothed down her skirt. She leaned over and kissed him, Austria reciprocating without moving anything but his mouth. She managed to smooth her hair back into a presentable state before breaking the kiss and leaving the room.

Her pace quickened down the stairs when she heard the soft crying.

"Ludwig?" she asked as she headed toward the kitchen. Ludwig was there, standing in front of the oven with tears streaming down his face. "Oh, darling... what's wrong?"

"I... I don't... know," Ludwig's words were choked out. Hungary reached and wrapped her arms around him. "He just... ant den..."

"Shh..." He leaned his head on top of hers and she rocked him back and forth, slowly. "Take deep breaths." He seemed to try, but each attempt had a hitch. Still, he had calmed down slightly. "Now, what happened?"

"Feliciano kissed me."

Hungary's mind nearly shut off. Italy? The man knew better! At least, not to do something like this yet, right? Hungary doubted she would have thought this any other time. But, obviously from Ludwig's current state, he had not taken it well. She found some of the hope in her mind dwindling.

"Ant den he... he ran avay. I d-don't know vhat I did vrong."

And it all was back. Hungary sighed into his shoulder. "Did you ask him?"

"He r-ran avay," Ludwig sniffed. "I coultn't."

"How did you react?" Hungary tried to keep her voice soothing. She was asking so as to be objective, not so she could hear about his kiss with Italy. Fix what was wrong first and there would be lots of time to ask about their kisses.

"I..." Ludwig's words drifted away for a moment. "Didn't... really. I didn't know vhat to to."

"Maybe he was worried that meant you were rejecting him," Hungary suggested, even though she knew better. No, this was about Germany. She should see Italy. Tell him what she knew. Tell him that she was almost positively certain this was who they thought they saw. Tell him...

Her Ludwig was the cause of so many horrible things?

"I don't... dink dat vas de case..." Ludwig said slowly, but he was considering it. "Vhat... vhat shoult I do, Elizaveta? I don't know..."

"You should see him again and talk," Hungary said firmly, right as she heard the door upstairs opening. Her voice lowered. "Now go and clean yourself up. Don't want Roderich suspecting anything!"

With a few quick nods Ludwig rushed away with the dogs following. Austria came down the stairs, glancing after Ludwig. "Well. Did he say anything interesting happen?"

"He's not muddy," Hungary grinned at him, which is when she remembered that one package from Christmas. From England. She should talk to Ludwig about that.

But not now. Hungary was aware she was procrastinating with the confrontation, but now would not be a good time. Now definitely.

* * *

What would be the best thing to say? Funny, Ludwig knew exactly what it was he wanted to say to Feliciano. At least, he knew the first thing he wanted to tell him, if not anything else after that. He wanted to tell Feliciano about something he had not told anyone else.

He left Aster and Blackie outside as he went in through the back door of the closed restaurant.

"De first ding I ever knew vas a children's song."

Feliciano gasped, but did not turn away from the stove. Ludwig continued to merely stand behind him, hands behind his back as he looked straight over the top of Feliciano's head.

"_Bunt, bunt, bunt sind alle meine Kleider, bunt, bunt, bunt ist alles, was ich hab.__Darum lieb ich alles, was so bunt ist..._" Ludwig stopped singing, his fear coming out through his voice. "I'd... I'd been living vith Roderich and Elizaveta for a few months by dat point, but I don't remember anyding before dat..."

That melody in his mind, haunting his thoughts before he even remembered being able to see, hear, smell, touch, taste... It had always been comforting. Something he could retreat back to. Something which would always be the same. That song had kept him from simply staying in his room. It had kept him from being afraid of Austria and Hungary when he first realized they were there. It had kept him so... sane.

Feliciano turned around to face him. He was sniffing, to supposedly keep himself from crying, and his eyes did not meet Ludwig's.

"I was in love," Feliciano cleared his throat, looking down at the floor. "With a friend."

Ludwig began to feel sick. "De... de friend dat just up ant left?"

"Yeah," Feliciano shuffled his feet. "For a while I thought everyone was lying that he was... gone. I thought... maybe... he would come back. He gave me this." With that, Feliciano reached under his collar and pulled out a necklace, an iron cross dangling at the end of it. Ludwig felt as if his stomach was twisting.

_Er liebt mich nicht?_

"Then I met you," Feliciano started to cry. "And... and I don't know what to think anymore! Because I love you! But... but..." Feliciano wiped the tears from his eyes, but to really no avail.

"Do I... I remind you of... _him?_" Ludwig took a step back. He should not have come. He should not have bothered.

"Well... yes," Feliciano said very quietly, before he shook his head violently. "But that's not it! Ludwig, that's not why I love you!" He took a step forward and grabbed Ludwig by the front of his jacket. "I love you because of how you are. Just because... because some of those things _he_ had too mean nothing. Except for I like the trait, I guess. _Please_ Ludwig."

Ludwig had no idea what to think. But bending down and kissing him seemed like a good first step.

He loved him.

_He loved him._

And while Ludwig had no idea why that should mean so much to him, he did not care. All he knew was that if Feliciano did not love him, he would have no idea what to do with himself. Was that really too consuming of him? Ludwig did not know. He did not care.

He just knew he should really stop thinking, because his head felt as though it were splitting.

Feliciano wrapped his arms around his neck, kissing him like... hell if Ludwig knew how to describe it. Maybe though, maybe if he wrapped his arms around Feliciano as well Feliciano would never leave him. Why did he think Feliciano might leave him?

Ludwig again had no clue. But the thought scared him beyond anything.

Feliciano had him pressed up against the wall by the time he stopped kissing him. Ludwig did not know what other words would fit here, but by the way Feliciano was simply leaning against him, he supposed there were no words for right now. Of which he was relieved for.

He had once asked Elizaveta about how she and Roderich had managed to stay together. It was after he had heard how long it had been since they had fallen in love. It had been for so long, he could not believe it.

"_Can you really explain love?"_

That was true. Ludwig could not even begin to explain how he felt right now. Was he supposed to be so dizzy? His head was pounding, though his heart was not.

And strange, he could not remember being happier in his entire life.

Up until the point when he remembered Roderich. Feliciano seemed to come to a similar realization.

"Spain will be so mad." His voice was muffled into Ludwig's chest, but Ludwig could hear him clearly. "An' Lovi... Lovino might kill me."

"I can't efen tell Mister Roderich I _know_ you. He'd flip," Ludwig said tonelessly. Elizaveta would understand. She would condone it too. But Roderich... Ludwig wanted so badly to believe that Roderich would understand, that Roderich would be happy for him. But Roderich did not want him meeting Nations. Neither did Elizaveta – if the fact someone had hidden his present from England was any telling. Italy happened to be an exception for a reason Ludwig did not know.

And he had just been so happy.

"Let's run away."

He almost was not certain he heard the words.

"Right now."

It sounded ridiculous.

"Ludwig?"

"Ve're Nations." Ludwig had never been sure of what all that implied, but he knew that meant they were different from Humans. Different from life. Some things no one else could do but they – and other things they would never be able to. "Can ve really do dat?"

"No. No we can't," Feliciano responded with missing a beat. Ludwig stared at the wall. The strangest thing was that he could only think of one response to those words. So he said it.

"Den let's go."

Feliciano slipped his hand into Ludwig's glove. As they ran out the door, the only thing Ludwig could think was that he was no longer dizzy.

* * *

Gilbert wanted to kill something.

"_North_ Germany? Are you _serious_?"

The almighty Prussia was not going to be known as _North_ Germany! North Germany and New Germany? Did anyone even think when they were naming them? Or was there and end to that all those years back and no one could think creatively anymore? It was not a _bad_ name, necessarily, but Gilbert hated it. Why could he not just stay as Prussia? Other than the obvious reasons, of course. Still... sign the papers, be official. Gilbert was North Germany. Just like he had, less officially, once been East Germany.

If that was not some type of foreshadowing to him, he had no idea what was.

He really wanted to know what Ludwig would think about it though. He knew Hungary would laugh at him (apologetically) and Roderich would snicker and tease him mercilessly. But as for Ludwig... Gilbert frowned down at his phone. Had Ludwig's phone ran out of batteries? Roderich was so pushy that he never turn it off...

Which is how Gilbert found himself heading south through Hamburg. Which is when he saw them. Actually, he saw Blackie first. _Then_ he saw them.

"You're already tired?"

"I... don't... like... running."

"But you ran avay so fast before!"

"Running away is different, Ludwig!"

"I dought ve vere running avay?"

"Oh yeah."

"Oh _vhat_?" Gilbert asked them. Feliciano let out a small squeak and Ludwig stiffened up like... a board. Or Germany, but Gilbert tried not to think that way. Both looked extremely like children with their hands caught in the cookie jar. Actually, both like children caught with the cookie all over their faces. "Running away?"

Gilbert was doing his very best to sound a bit angry, when all he wanted to do was laugh at them. It was... really just so... sad?

Ludwig really did just look like how Germany did when he was in trouble.

Ludwig was with Italy.

New _Germany_ was with North _Italy_.

That was all the Nation-formally-known-as-Prussia needed to believe this really was Germany. And it was so hard not to start laughing.

"Ve v-vere... j-just..." Ludwig stuttered.

"A joke! Ha ha!" Feliciano tried to sound bright and oblivious. He succeeded. Unfortunately he had Ludwig right next to him and Ludwig was failing miserably at pretending that was the case. Gilbert sighed, right as his eyes caught sight of their hands.

So _that_ was how it was.

Ludwig was _with_ Feliciano.

"It'll be late soon," Gilbert drawled, staring up toward the sky. "You'd better be goin' off home."

"Y-you von't tell–" Ludwig started. Gilbert cut him off.

"I didn't see anyding."

"But..." Feliciano started, somewhat quiet. Gilbert really wanted to slap the both of them.

"I've never seen anyding," he continued. "Ant I never _vill_. Got it?"

"You're blind? Oh no!" Feliciano gasped.

Ludwig groaned. "He's telling us he von't tell anyone if ve go home now."

Gilbert snickered. The entire awesomeness of his words was dwindled by the fact that Ludwig had to explain it, but it did not stop the fact that Ludwig obviously thought he was awesome for saying it in the first place.

"See ya later, chickies," Gilbert gave them both a wave, walking off.

Ludwig was with Feliciano. Gilbert could not stop grinning. If that did not tell him that Ludwig was his brother, nothing would.

* * *

_'_Er liebt mich nicht?' _= 'He doesn't love me?'_


	14. Peacing Together

**Peacing Together**

_...someone stepping through the ashes and remainder of the flames. He rose... turning to see whom he was almost the most glad to see right now._

"_Ger..."_

"–––"

My friend.

"_Have you come to kill me?"_

_...hand was on his sword, another holding a gun... usually expressionless, but this time he was not. He looked miserable... wished he could understand why. But think too much and he lost control... He was so sick of living like this._

"_I'm so sorry..."_

"_Don't be."_

* * *

"...and _then_ what did you to do~?"

"Please, Miss Elizaveta," Ludwig sighed. "I don't feel comfortable talking about dis."

Elizaveta frowned at him, as if she were truly disappointed. Ludwig was not certain what to think about that, other than somewhat disturbed. The truth was he just did not want to tell her that he and Feliciano had thought about running away. This was his home.

He did not want to leave. He and Feliciano would find a way, but by still staying here.

There was a reason to do what he knew he was supposed to instead of what he wanted. His impulses were obviously not always right.

"Don't blame me for being curious about how my boy's first confession worked out," Elizaveta sighed, wrapping her arms around him. Ludwig spluttered, trying to think of a response.

"It vas veird! Ant embarrassing!" He pulled away. Elizaveta looked sad again, but he could see the corners of her mouth twitching, concealing her laughter. She used to be a wizard at such things. Now Ludwig knew he was being able to notice the tell-tale signs.

Ludwig took the first out he could take. Which was heading for the door when he heard the doorbell go off. "I'll get it!"

"Ludwig!" Elizaveta was saying in protest, following right after him. Both of their hands collided on the doorknob as Ludwig opened it.

Hungary slammed it shut before Ludwig could see who it was.

"Austria!" she shouted, sounding very desperate.

"Elizaveta, vhat–" Ludwig started as Roderich showed up at the top of the stairs.

"_Spain_!" Elizaveta hissed up at him. Ludwig mind ran quickly. Spain? Spain was the Nation that was taking care of Feliciano... Ludwig's train of thought was cut off as Roderich, who had run down the stairs, had suddenly picked him up. "Vha...? Roderich?"

"You talk to him!" Roderich said hurriedly to Elizaveta as he ran up the stairs. Ludwig almost struggled, but seeing himself held over the stairs figured that was a horrible idea.

"Vhat is going on?"

Roderich set him down in his room, not answer his question.

"Stay there!" Roderich demanded, shutting the door. Ludwig heard the noise of the lock. He had never been locked in his room! He had always been told that would be a disciplinary measure! "Good boy!"

"I'm not a dog!" Ludwig shouted, unable to believe what Austria had just done. "_Mister Roderich!_"

His shout recovered no answer. Ludwig became quiet, trying to hear out the door. He heard a dog scratching at the floor, most likely Aster. But it covered up any chance of him being able to hear what was being said out there.

And when he stuck his head out the window to try and see, Austria threw a shoe at him. Ludwig decided whatever was going on, it was probably best if he stayed in his room. _Roderich_ threw a _shoe_ at him.

Yes, best he stay away from the window.

* * *

Hungary was finally coming to realize what Austria meant by close calls. If she had been a second slower, all hell was likely to have broken loose.

It was the strangest thing, being scared of Spain. That just did not seem right. But they both knew what would happen if Spain saw Ludwig. Especially with his hair cut as it was, especially as Ludwig was nearly as tall as a certain other Nation used to be... He would think it was Germany. He would react accordingly. Which, for Spain right now, would likely be lashing out. A full out attack. No, he could not be allowed to see New Germany.

Ludwig was taking the entire situation rather well. He did not ask about it, he did not even mention it when she unlocked his door. In fact, he took it all so calmly Hungary was a little worried.

"Ludwig, we need to talk," she said quietly, as Austria had shut himself up in the living room. He was playing Chopin – loud and expressive. He was not in a good mood. Of course, she knew as much because she saw how he looked at her. She had nearly let Spain see Ludwig. Austria had a right to be angry with her.

"Yes, Miss Elizaveta?"

There he went with the 'miss' again. He always did that when he felt like he was in trouble. Then again, Austria had never locked Ludwig in his room before. Ludwig had never experienced Austria very angry, only strict.

"Sit down," she proffered.

Which is when she wondered. _Should I tell him?_

The instant answer was no. She could not tell him what she really wanted to. It was not her right, it would be something to discuss with Austria first. The fact he was not questioning more than usual meant that Italy and Prussia (no wait, _North Germany, _she would never remember that correctly without laughing) were keeping it quiet.

But he should be told soon, should he not? It was not fair to keep his origins in the dust. Especially when he could very well turn out to be that person. He should be prepared for the possibility.

Still, there was something else she had put off discussing.

"When did you meet England?" she asked him. Ludwig looked confused.

"England?" he questioned. Hungary frowned.

"The Nation of England, I know you both have met," she said with warning. Oh, he was not going to keep this from her...

"Uh... I'm sorry," Ludwig scratched the back of his head. "Is he in a vheelchair?"

"That's England," Hungary nodded. Ludwig shifted where he was sitting.

"I'm sorry."

"You left your lands, didn't you?" she asked calmly. She usually did not mind. He would go to Italy's place. That was fine with her. But _England_ of all people...

"I vent to Strasbourg," Ludwig admitted. "I vas curious. Ant he... he just happened to be dere."

"What happened?"

"I... vished him a happy Christmas," Ludwig shrugged. "Ant he started crying."

Hungary felt her throat close up, trying to choke off the tears before they started. England...

"Den he asket my name–"

"He asked?" Hungary blurted out, interrupting him. Ludwig looked shocked by the question, or maybe from the promptness of it. Either way – England asked? She had not heard him speak since when they were all captive in Germany's household...

"_Ja_." Ludwig nodded. "Ant I... gave him some chocolates I had originally bought for you, but... I figured he needed someding right den, right? I'm sorry."

"No, no... don't apologize." Hungary sighed. "Just... we're going to have to tell Austria about this one, Ludwig." Ludwig grew slightly pale, jaw clenched shut. Hungary reached over and smoothed some of his short hair back. "We don't have to do it now, but... I think he would appreciate it. Try and keep too many secrets and someone might find out all of them."

"Dank you," Ludwig said. Hungary laughed quietly.

"Please, don't."

He should not have to thank her. Especially because she knew Roderich's reaction was going to be very bad.

* * *

"Feliciano... vhat are you doing?" Ludwig questioned. Why he was questioning? Who knew. He really did not want Feliciano to stop covering him with kisses, but Ludwig found himself in need of asking the question anyway. It was just a reaction.

The Italian sighed. "You're just so picky, Ludwig!" Feliciano complained, leaning into him. Ludwig snickered, wrapping his arms around him.

"I'm picky? Says the gourmet of all food," Ludwig returned the favour and kissed Feliciano's face.

"What? You want to eat bad food?" Feliciano protested, sticking a paintbrush back in his hands as he replaced himself back in front of his spot on the stone wall. "Ludwig?"

"_Ja_?" Ludwig questioned, looking back at him.

"Are you sure about this?" Feliciano questioned, gesturing to the wall. Ludwig sighed.

"I... I nee to do someding to dis vall, it's driving me insane," he told Feliciano. "I dink I either vant to fix it, or tear it down, but I don't really vant to do it either... so vhy not paint my side of it? I doubt Gilbert vill mind."

"That's good enough for me," Feliciano shrugged, smearing a line of red across the wall.

The Berlin Wall. Well, it had been in Berlin, when Berlin existed, why not call it the Berlin Wall?

Because it was barely a wall, that was why.

"_Blau, blau, blau sind alle meine Kleider~_" Feliciano started singing. Ludwig laughed, whether it was because Feliciano was singing the song, or whether it was Feliciano's strange pronunciation of the words, he had no clue. In likelihood, it was both.

"_Meine_," Ludwig had to correct the pronunciation of the word. Feliciano frowned at him.

"_Meine!_" he pronounced in the exact same way he did before. Ludwig tried so hard not to smile, but he did not know why he was bothering. He was going to smile. It was just his first reaction to try and hide it. Why? Who knew?

Who cared?

"_Meine_," Ludwig tried again as he struggled in opening a new tube of blue paint to add to his pallet.

"_Meine!_"

Ludwig jabbed a finger into Feliciano's forehead. "_Meine!_"

Feliciano stared at him for a moment before saying it correctly. "_Meine!_"

Ludwig suddenly noticed the dot of blue on Feliciano's head. "I'm sorry!" Ludwig retreated a few steps, turning back toward the wall.

"Yeah, you better be!" Ludwig nearly winced, until he realized that Feliciano completely failed at sounding irritated, and he most likely was not, and the revenge he decided to get was to swirl some green paint on Ludwig's cheek.

"Feliciano!"

"Ludwig!"

They spent a few minutes finger painting each other before Ludwig realized that not only was it a bad idea, but as much as he liked Feliciano on top of him it was slightly nerve-racking. Until Feliciano started kissing him. Then it was perfectly fine.

"Ludwig?" Feliciano asked him, face in his chest.

"Yes?" Ludwig started stroking the hair at the back of Feliciano's neck, with fingers _not_ covered in paint.

"I want you to meet Kiku."

"I have," Ludwig responded immediately. Feliciano wrapped his arms around him. Ludwig found his body conflicting with the fear Japan somehow would instil in him and the fact he would rather just melt into Feliciano's embrace.

"That's wonderful!" Feliciano said happily. "Then I can invite him over and the three of us can play!"

"Vhat?" Ludwig gaped down at him.

"It's been a while since Japan has come over... but he'll come over when I tell him about you!" Feliciano said, no uncertainty in his voice. Ludwig tried to think of something that made sense out of this situation.

"But–"

"You said he already knows you! And he'll be quiet about us, I know he will! Kiku's really good at keeping secrets!"

"Vhat brought dis up?" Ludwig finally asked. Feliciano shrugged.

"All he does anymore is work and look. He needs a break. And he won't say no!"

Yes, there was something about saying 'no' to Feliciano. He could say it, but it usually never meant anything. Ludwig used to think if he actually enforced it better it might have a short term effect, but why would he want to do that?

_What does he mean, 'look'?_

Ludwig could not bring himself to say no.

* * *

Japan sat down on the park bench with a sigh. If this place could be called a park now. Without people, animals, anything, it was not a park. It was just a place. A very empty place.

His phone went off. Japan jumped, before he remembered that the person he was looking for did not have his cell phone with him. No, that Nation's cell phone resided in Japan's pocket. Waiting for the day that Japan could give it back to him.

He checked the caller id before picking up.

"Italy?"

"Japan! I was wondering if you would come over tomorrow?"

"I am sorry Italy, but I am a little caught up with things at the mome–"

"Don't you say that! You need a break! You'll pass out out there and then we'll have to send someone to find _you_! Come on Kiku~"

Japan sighed, turning from the trees and grass which made up this tiny plot of land to stare at the cityscape of the completely quiet and desolate place once known as Wichita.

_Are you here?_

"Tomorrow?"

* * *

"...now go and wash off before Roderich sees you!"

"Before I see what?" Austria asked, right before he saw it. And he really wished he had not. Ludwig turned bright red, not that it was easy to see, considering the boy was covered in paint. Austria tried very hard not to react immediately, but some agitation must have showed on his face, for Ludwig looked straight at the floor. "Do I want to know?"

"Oh," Hungary waved Ludwig off. Austria was about to protest, but she walked over to him in _that_ particular way and Austria was no longer interested in what Ludwig was doing. "Remember? I am going to be hosting that body painting festival... Ludwig just was not comfortable with all of the implications. I'm just warming him up to the idea. Which meant more clothes painting, if anything."

Austria cleared his throat. "If that is all."

"I have some body paint on too~" she grinned at him. "I hear it tastes like _Sachertorte_."

Roderich could never remind himself enough he was the luckiest Nation in the world.

* * *

Ludwig felt sick again. Blackie let out a small whine while Aster stood there completely alert. It was just a door. He was supposed to press the doorbell, or even knock. Something like that should be easy. Very easy. Maybe Japan was not here yet. Or maybe he could just run home and Feliciano would forgive him.

Feliciano would forgive him, but Ludwig still could not make himself do that to him.

So he finally made himself press the doorbell. And almost immediately the door opened.

"Ludwig!" Feliciano exclaimed, pulling him in before he could even return the greeting. "Kiku! Ludwig's here!"

"Hello again, New Germany-san."

Ludwig tried to breathe and respond. Thankfully, Feliciano gave him a bit more time.

"_Kiku!_ Today isn't official or anything! It's Ludwig!"

"I-it's f-fine, Feliciano," Ludwig coughed, trying to turn his attention back toward Japan. He managed to turn his head in that direction, but his eyes kept to the wall above Japan's head. "Nice to see you too... Japan."

Ludwig did not know what Feliciano had in mind, but he doubted the three of them could have very much in common. He could imagine the sort of picture the three of them made. A very awkward one. They had both sides of the pendulum, both measures of the scales... and every analogy which made Ludwig continue to wonder _why Feliciano thought this was a good idea_.

Then again, thinking of that at least kept him from thinking about Japan and wondering why, even after all of Roderich's assurances, the other Nation still frightened him so.

Feliciano had started talking, but Ludwig could not force himself to listen.

Aster let out a slight growl.

"_Nein_," Ludwig hissed down at her. Aster's ears went back and she stopped. Feliciano was still talking, but when Ludwig managed to look up toward Japan... Was it Ludwig's imagination, or was Japan not listening either?

"Really?" Japan asked and Ludwig managed to try and catch what he was responding to.

"Uh... yeah!" Feliciano responded happily. Japan's expression did not change, but Ludwig was almost certain. Japan had done the same thing he had. Except with style. His fear abated then, if not the sickness it had brought with it in coming. "So let's go!"

"Vha..." Ludwig tried to catch up with what had been said, but found himself at a loss. Feliciano dragged him back outside anyway as he continued to ramble. Only this time Ludwig made certain to listen.

"–so Ludwig and I found my old set and it was only dusty, so after we cleaned the racquets off I stuck them out here!" Feliciano let go so as to open the container beneath the porch bench.

"Racquets?" Ludwig swallowed as Feliciano shoved one into his hands.

"Racquets!" Feliciano agreed happily as he shoved a second one into Japan's hands. Japan looked rather awkward, standing there with the sport equipment in hand. He fidgeted with it for a moment before glanced up at Ludwig.

Ludwig looked back toward Feliciano. He was not trying to be rude... He should have a good time. For Feliciano, at least. There was no reason to feel so... sick.

"_Bleib,_" Ludwig told the dogs as the settled themselves on to the porch. Aster was still staring at Japan. Blackie, however, had not taken her eyes off of Ludwig.

"I've got it!" Feliciano held up the shuttlecock as he started running off into the field. Ludwig moved out on to the grass, but did not notice Japan following. Feliciano threw it in the air, hit it...

And it went flying off behind him.

"I got it!" Feliciano shouted, running further back. Ludwig watched as Feliciano managed to find it and then threw it into the air again.

"I got it!"

The process repeated itself.

"This is always what happens when he suggests badminton." Japan had a small smile on his face as he watched Feliciano in the distance. Ludwig watched Feliciano try and hit it back toward them, only to end up running after the shuttlecock again. Japan set his racquet down and leaned back against the house.

"Dat's... ridiculous," Ludwig stated.

Japan nodded. "Just as ridiculous as trying to return the shuttlecock after Italy hits it, New Germany-san."

Ludwig looked down at his racquet. He felt his sickness abating, which is the only reason he was able to grin at Japan.

"Ridiculous?"

"I–" Japan stuttered over his words. "I did not mean that as a challenge–"

"Vhy not?" Ludwig called as he ran after Feliciano.

Ludwig liked running. He had always liked it. For the only reason that it got him somewhere, even if he had no idea what it was. Ludwig never usually had a destination when he was running. Just to get somewhere. But there was a destination with this. The destination was to get under wherever the shuttlecock was going to land before it really did.

Ludwig liked this game. And if hell if he was going to loose it.

He did not know when Japan finally came out to join, but it was after several falls and a few collisions with trees on his own part.

"You should be more careful, New Germany-san!"

"If I vas, I'd miss it!"

"Ludwig, try not to run into another tree! You're like Aster!"

"Actually, Italy, Aster has been simply lying over there. New Germany-san is worse."

"H-hey!"

"Ha ha! That's true! You should be more careful like Kiku says, Ludwig!"

"At least I hit it efery time!"

Neither could respond to that. Except that Japan did.

"Yes. You seem to hit everything."

Japan was not scary at all when he was smiling, when he had emotion. Ludwig could not even remember what it felt like to be scared of him.

It was afternoon before he knew it. Ludwig only knew that he was tired and when Feliciano leaned on him he really just wanted to fall over. He could not allow himself to and so stayed there while Feliciano used his body to keep upright.

"I... didn't mean to stay so long," Japan wiped the sweat from his forehead. Feliciano let out a long whine and Ludwig meant to cover his ear, but covered Feliciano's mouth instead. Feliciano's complaints were muffled for a while before he finally brought his own hands up to push Ludwig's hand away.

"You can't go now! I was going to make pasta!"

Japan opened his mouth to say something, but then shook his head. "I'm sorry, Italy, but I have a meeting to get to. I should have left half an hour ago."

"No! You're taking some pasta!" And with the strength that Feliciano always seemed to pull out of nowhere, he let go of Ludwig and ran back into the house.

Japan sighed, shaking his head. "Tell him I'm sorry, will you? And that I will be certain to see him for his birthday next week."

Feliciano's birthday was next week? Ludwig could have strangled himself. What kind of a friend was he, not to know that? "..._ja_."

Ludwig studied Japan as Japan stared back toward the house. What could possibly have happened to Japan to have made him so emotionless before? As Japan regained his breath he seemed to regain his air of indifference and Ludwig began to feel ill again.

Blackie looked ready to spring from where she was sitting.

"Thank you."

"Vhat?" Ludwig looked at Japan. His stomach turned. Japan showed him nothing.

"I was afraid... Our meeting from Christmas could have gone better."

"I..." Ludwig swallowed. He could not think, he did not know what to say. "Other Nations vere... too strange for me. Den."

"You've grown up so quickly," Japan commented. "I... I do not believe Austria-san has told you this and excuse me for presuming so much, but... I was the one who found you fifteen months ago. I would have cared for... Never mind. Austria and Hungary were the best people to care for you."

Japan found him?

"I know," Ludwig found himself saying. For the simple reason that for some reason, he _did_ know.

"_Japan... helped us out a lot when we first took you in... He wants the best for you, as Elizaveta and I do. That is why he helped us, so we could help you."_

He knew. No, he guessed. Yes, he had guessed.

"I'm so sorry," they both said at the same time.

Ludwig found himself so frightened he could look anyone in the eye for the rest of the day.

* * *

_Wichita, Kansas_

_Could not resist the edible body paint references there. The lengths Elizaveta will go to save Ludwig from Roderich... Totally worth it._

_As for the badminton... I do not know whether Italians are really good at that or not, that was not my point. My point is that Feliciano is really funny when he is swatting aimlessly at a shuttlecock. Maybe if they were playing a real game with a net he would do better._

_This is the odd chapter out, I have to say. I am switching gears here for the next several chapters. You will all see why soon enough. Still, if something is really too weird or too unable to be understood, mention it and I will try and smooth it out. This was probably the hardest chapter to write and will probably be the hardest chapter out of the entire story._


	15. Broken Mind

**Broken Mind**

Ludwig was not sleeping.

_...no way to avoid... always came... hated... do these things. He wanted to stop... the gun had come up to his head, his finger on the trigger... always stop him... fool. 'Look what I've done... Look!' But that... make him cry... ordered... have had to hit... fell to the ground, strangely silent... should not..._

He was staring at the ceiling with those thoughts running through his head. He was staring at the ceiling, only occasionally blinking, his heart racing in his chest. Aster rested her head on his leg and let out a small whine.

_Why had... poison...? Why... poison... not have lived through that... have died... told to... strike him until the screams... 'Shut up...' He would not... came and... was dead... was not dead... was not dead. It might.. merciful... ordered it... was _always_ crying... was grateful..._

It was not a dream. Was it?

They simply felt like thoughts of his. Thoughts that, once he had considered them, made no sense.

His hand was near his head, in a comfortable position as if he was holding something there. His index finger squeezed on something which was not really there.

_Bang._

Ludwig wondered why he felt as if he should be dead.

* * *

'No matter what I do, I cannot shake the feeling something is wrong with me.

I should not be here. But I want to be here.

So here I stay.

Maybe it will all go away. Maybe it's just a phase. Yes, it's a phase. I'll grow beyond it.

I belong here.'

* * *

It was Feliciano's birthday in a few days and Ludwig was still at a complete loss as to what to do for him.

It did not help he had not slept in a few days. He assured Roderich he was just restless for some reason and told Elizaveta it was because he was stressing out too much over things and Feliciano's birthday was just another thing to add to that, but that was all a lie. Ludwig knew what was keeping him up.

That dream. He did not want to remember any of it anymore. He did not want to have it again.

He could feel it. As if he had been stabbed by a sword. The weirdest thing was his mind was placing it where he had that very faint line on his stomach. He had thought it was simply a weird mark.

Scar?

Which is how Ludwig knew his mind was just messing with him. He needed something else to think about badly. What to get Feliciano for his birthday was a good start. Even if his mind was at a complete loss as to where he should begin in looking.

From clothes, to books, to plants, to kitchen appliances, to music... Ludwig found his head spinning, though unfortunately no gift ideas were swirling around in there as well. Sighing, he leaned back and turned his head to look at a sunglasses rack, straight at the mirror mounted on it.

"_Then keep it like that. Don't! Don't... don't gel it back, or anything. Okay? Just keep it like that."_

He stared at his reflection for a few moments, wondering exactly what would be wrong about gelling his hair back. Actually, if he had thought about gel first, he might not have gotten his hair cut in the first place. It was all to get his hair out of his face. Gel would have been a good idea. Not that it really mattered now. In fact, why did it matter at all? Why did Feliciano make him promise not to change his hair? What was so wrong with hair gel?

A few minutes later found himself in the bathroom with the newly bought product.

_Just to see what it looks like. Then it is out. After all, I promised. This is just for a few minutes. Something new. _But he had promised. Was that why he felt so sick while he was doing it? _Just for a few seconds. I just want to see._

He heard a crash outside and went to see what it was.

"_Einigkeit und Recht und Freiheit~ Für das deutsche Vaterland!"_ the drunkard was singing off key. One of the employees was nervously glancing over her shoulder, waiting for security.

"_Nun, komm, es reicht,_" said a brave customer, holding a friendly hand out to the drunken man.

"_Danach lasst uns alle streben, Brüderlich mit Herz und Hand!"_ The man beat a hand against his chest.

All Ludwig could do was stare. Stare and hear. There were little lights at the corners of his vision.

_'Einigkeit und Recht und Freiheit!'_

Ludwig backed up, returning to the bathroom. The room was spinning. "_Bunt, bunt, bunt..._" Ludwig sang to himself quietly. "_Sind alle meine Kleider..._" He could not hear the man anymore. "_Bunt, bunt, bunt..."_ He could not hear the song.

_'Sind des Glückes Unterpfand...'_

He could not hear it. "_Sind alles was ich hab."_

_'Blüh' im Glanze dieses Glückes.'_

Ludwig looked up and caught his reflection.

_'Blühe, deutsches Vaterland!'_

"_**Nein!**_" Ludwig shrieked, lashing out and breaking the mirror with both fists. "_Nein! Nein, nein, nein! Gott, steh mir bei! Oh, mein Gott..."_

He threw up into the sink and proceeded to try and drown himself. Everything was turning so dark...

_They were speaking so calmly, but... would pull the trigger. And as much as... the excuse to kill him, he found himself looking for any opening which would mean he might have the advantage. He only had three bullets._

_Part of the roof fell down... acted._

_He had never really had to fight... but he had watched him fight and had thought how lucky he was that had never before had to be the case. Maybe it was for this fact... would kill him. It would be as quick as he could make it._

_He dodged the bullets coming from the other's gun, letting loose one of his own. It missed... a few inches as... threw himself out of the way, returning the fire. One hit him in the shoulder... his best to ignore it._

_He shot a second time. This time he hit... which was holding the gun... fell through the burnt wood he had landed on. A sense of panic and he tried to pull his foot out._

_...shot aga–_

Ludwig woke up in a field, Aster's jaws clenched around his ankle and Blackie's forepaws on his shoulders, having pushed him onto his back. She was licking at his face.

"Vha... vhat happened?" Ludwig asked them groggily. Blackie dropped back down to all fours. Aster let go of his ankle, letting loose a soft bark. Ludwig sat up, looking down at his bloodied hands.

"I don't remember," he told them. He lied. The really stupid part was he knew they knew he was lying. It was never the words, after all. It was the feeling behind it. And he always felt as though Aster and Blackie knew that better than he did.

He had not been asleep. And he remembered walking here. As if it were a dream. As if someone were chasing him.

Someone who looked just like him.

He rose to his feet and headed south, away from where he had been walking. To Italy.

* * *

The UN meeting had been called to order very quickly, but Hungary found she was not paying much attention to it. Her eyes were on England, watching for any sign of him saying anything to either Scotland or Ireland. Ludwig had no reason to lie about this. And Hungary wanted beyond anything to actually believe that England had been able to speak again.

So it was during the first break when Scotland went to tell India he should stop being such an idiot (Scotland's words, not Hungary's) that she quickly took his chair, putting a hand on England's arm.

"England. We need to talk."

England turned his wheelchair toward her, an eyebrow raising.

"About Ludwig."

"What about?"

She had been bracing herself for it, but still hearing England's voice caused her a moment of silence while her words strangled her throat. She let out a small laugh, her hand coming up to brush at her cheek. England gave her a quizzical look.

"I'm sorry." She smiled. "But you have no idea how glad I am to hear you speak again."

England rolled his eyes. "What about?" he repeated. Hungary tried to think about it. What was it she needed to say? Do not attack him? Like England was capable of that right now!

"I just want to make certain you know..." Hungary began, but England waved her off.

"I don't care, Liza," he continued to speak quietly, as if talking louder would hurt him. It probably would, come to think of it. England always had to talk louder around France and Ame– "If Ludwig is Germany... I don't want to hear about it."

"So you don't..." Hungary could not bring herself to say it. England shook his head.

"How old are most of us? Too old for this." England covered a cough with his right arm. "I'm so tired of wars. I don't want to start another one with Germany. Especially if he's living in your house."

"We... don't know if he is Germany." Why she was trying to plant the doubt? Hungary knew quite well. England lost a lot because of the war. He might not want to start another war, but he could very well begin to ask for reparations.

England shrugged.

"Thank you, Arthur." Hungary nearly stood up, when England caught her arm.

"Does North Italy know?" he asked out of the blue. Actually, it was not that much of a random question. The world had become so used to thinking of those two in unison. Germany and North Italy. Ludwig and Feliciano.

The first Ludwig. But it had been the only thing she could bear to call New Germany.

The room was becoming quieter, people returning to their seats. She could tell Scotland was now standing behind her. Which was when Spain rose to his feet.

"Something has come up," Spain declared. "I have to go."

Hungary felt her blood run cold as she realized Spain was close enough to have heard what she and England were saying. Maybe England could tell her answer by the sudden fear she knew ran throughout her entire body.

"Wait! Spain!" she called after, chasing after the other Nation.

Spain did not stop.

* * *

"Ludwig! What happened?"

"Ah..." Ludwig tried to think of an explanation that made sense as Feliciano pulled him into the house. Nothing that came to mind were things he would want to tell Feliciano, he did not want to worry him, he did not want him to know that Ludwig did not know what to get him for his birthday. "Noding. I fell."

"Your poor hands!" Feliciano exclaimed, kissing the tops of both of them as he led Ludwig into the kitchen and turned on the facet. Ludwig stuck his hands under, wincing as the water rinsed away the blood. "You need to be more careful!"

"I'm sorry," Ludwig stared down at the blood running down the drain.

"You keep getting beaten up!" Feliciano wrapped his arms around him, face pushed against his back. "You make me worry..."

"You sound like Elizaveta."

"I'm gonna get some bandages or something," Feliciano said into his back, before letting go and wandering off.

"But... dey're not bleeding anymore!" Ludwig called after, but Feliciano had already left. Ludwig sighed, drying off his hand and staring down at the cuts.

He was supposed to feel better here. Maybe he really needed to sleep. Maybe the dream would not follow him today.

Ludwig went to the couch to sit with Blackie and Aster, staring at the bookshelf he had remembered painstakingly arranging. Feliciano had already managed to make it sloppy, particularly the photo albums on the bottom shelves. Ludwig groaned. Would it kill Feliciano to try and clean up after himself? Maybe. Or maybe Feliciano just wanted to give him something to do when he came over.

That gave him a chuckle, as he moved over to fix the albums. A picture fell out and Ludwig picked it up to put it back.

The picture was of Feliciano and someone else.

Him.

_Das bin ich nicht. Das bin ich nicht. Das ist jemand anderes. Das... bin nicht... ich?_

No. No, it could not be.

_Ich sehe so aus. Ich verstehe das nicht. Das ist völlig unmöglich. Das kann nicht... oder etwa doch..._

"Ludwig?"

Ludwig turned to look at Feliciano. He felt... so distant.

"Who is dis?"

Feliciano dropped everything he was holding.

"That..." Feliciano said quietly, eyes wide. "That is... That is a friend... of mine..."

Ludwig stared back at Feliciano for a few more moments before he looked back down at the picture. The picture of the man who looked almost just like him. The picture of someone Ludwig knew he knew. And maybe... maybe he should not have said what he said next. Maybe he should never have asked. But the words slipped out anyway and Ludwig felt sick hearing them. Because it was a fact. He was not asking a question.

"Dis is Germany."

And suddenly everything Gilbert and Feliciano had ever done made sense.

Feliciano let out a sob, arms clutched tightly in front of himself. Which is when Aster stood up, beginning to growl at the door. Ludwig tore his eyes away from the picture and began to hear what she was reacting to.

"Spain, please! He doesn't even remember any of it! All they are is–" The door opened and Ludwig was fixed with a glare. Ludwig let the photo drop to the ground.

"A-Antonio!" Feliciano exclaimed, glancing back between the two newcomers and Ludwig. "Oh! It's not what it looks like!" he wiped the tears from his face.

"Vhat does it..." Ludwig began to ask when Spain crossed the floor and grabbed Feliciano by the arm.

"No!" Feliciano struggled, but Spain easily picked him up, draping him over a shoulder.

"Spain! We can talk about this!" Hungary moved besides Ludwig. As he began to take a step toward Feliciano she grabbed a hold of his arm. Blackie let out a whine.

"Vhat's going on?" Ludwig asked, suddenly scared. "Let go of him!"

"Let me go!" Feliciano hollered.

"If you get near him again..." Spain warned him, backing away toward the door. "I swear, Germany... if you get near Veneziano or Romano _ever_ again... I will kill you."

"He's not like that!"

Hungary was crying. Ludwig did not know what any of this meant. He could barely tell what Spain was saying. All he knew was that Spain was taking Feliciano away from him. And Feliciano did not want to go.

"Let him go!" Ludwig demanded as Spain backed toward the door. Hungary's hands still kept him where he was, but at a glance both Aster and Blackie were on their feet. Spain ran out the door. "Aster, Blackie, _stopp_–"

"No!" Hungary shrieked as the dogs leaped out the door. "No! Ludwig! We can't start a _war_! Call them back, _call them back!_"

"Ludwig!" Feliciano's voice came to him.

Ludwig had moved toward the door, his mind reeling.

_Feliciano..._

"Blackie! Aster! _Aus!_"

And Ludwig felt empty again. Blackie and Aster were back at his feet. Hungary was hugging him from behind, crying into his back.

What had just happened? Ludwig felt as if everything had been turned inside out. Had he not just been thinking how worried he was about getting Feliciano something for his birthday? Not... not that he should be worried he would even see Feliciano again. That was not right. That was not... He found himself simply turning toward Hungary, lifting her head so that he could look her in the eye.

"Explain."

He tried to sound detached, for the simple reason being that if he did not he would start crying. But he failed. He sounded broken. He was starting to cry. And Elizaveta hugged him tighter as she nodded, trying to get words past her own tears.

"I'll explain... I'll explain everything. I'm so sorry, darling. I'm so so sorry..."

Still, it was only after fifteen minutes of walking back toward home that Elizaveta said anything.

"There was a war, a couple years back. Started by some terrorists, who managed to gain an advantage over the top Nation of the world, who in turn had to influence the government of a major power here... America and Germany."

It began to sound familiar. Ludwig remembered it had to be because Gilbert had told him about the terrorists. He had mentioned America.

"They both... were forced to do things." Elizaveta was not looking at him. He was starting to believe that she could not. "It broke America's spirit. It broke Germany's mind. We... Roderich and I and those who live here in Europe... we had to deal mostly with Germany. And he managed to cow most of us, break those of us whom he couldn't. But... in the end... both were defeated. And in the dust of everything... Japan brought us you. Germany died, you appeared. I guess that is how we Nations work, sometimes. Our existence does not have set rules, except for our relations to our lands and our people."

"Vere... Feliciano and..."

Ludwig could not say it. He could not think of Feliciano with someone else. He had only known him for a few months, true, but he could not force himself to think of Feliciano with another. Even though he knew it was true.

"Italy never left Germany's side," Elizaveta confirmed his fears, her voice still shaking. "No matter what happened."

Ludwig silently cried into his hands, still willing himself not to throw up. He felt so dizzy, it was all he could do to continue walking in a straight line. He blinked away the lights in the corners of his vision.

"Yes, you look just like him."

Ludwig tried not to scream.

"But that means nothing to me."

And Ludwig raised his head from his hands. Elizaveta took one of his hands and held it in her own as they kept moving forward.

"You are my Ludwig. I am still trying to learn about what caused your existence, but I don't care what the answer turns out to be. I will defend you against anything, you understand?" Elizaveta's face turned towards the darkening sky. "Ah... there is so much history to teach you, but I will. I promise. Spain doesn't understand this, but he'll see. Eventually he'll see. I promise I will do my best to fix this."

Ludwig still felt hollow. But a little less so. Until he remembered Feliciano.

"Ludwig?"

"_Danke_."

* * *

"I had to have Gilbert bring me home," Austria muttered to himself, appalled with the words. "_Gilbert_. I'll never hear the end of it."

Where had Hungary just suddenly gone off to? She had left her things in her seat – including her cell phone. No way to contact her. No one to ask where she had gone. Austria was both infuriated and worried. Ludwig was not home either. Should he call Prussia (wait, North Germany... no, he would never remember that) for help? He had even though of asking Switzerland, but Ludwig was involved, and Austria knew what Switzerland's first reaction would be to Ludwig.

He would wait just a little bit longer. Or should he? Something could be very wrong right now...

The door opened.

"Elizaveta!" Austria rose to his feet and walked toward her as the two came in. "Ludwig! What on earth–"

Hungary shook her head, gesturing back toward the couch, to where she steered Ludwig. The two of them sat down. Blackie sat by Hungary and Aster stuck her head on the couch, knowing very well he would not tolerate her on any of his furniture.

"Spain found out about Ludwig," Hungary told him quietly. Austria looked toward the door and sighed, though he inwardly was tense.

"How?"

Hungary shook her head again. "The thing is... Roderich, promise me you'll stay calm."

Austria's heart felt as though it dropped into his stomach. If Hungary was telling him to stay calm... it was bad. "I'm listening."

She still seemed nervous, staring down at the ground before looking back to him. "Ludwig has been seeing Italy."

_Think of Tarantella, A flat Major._

But all that came to mind was Chopin's _Funeral March, C Minor._

"What?" he questioned, hoping beyond reason that he had somehow heard that incorrectly. Maybe he had gone deaf for a moment and his mind supplied some random words to his brain. Something.

"I've been seeing Feliciano!" Ludwig exclaimed.

And Spain found out. Austria could have pulled out his hair, except he knew in no way would that help anything at all, except if he had had any inclination to shaving his head. Which he had not. He told his mind to stop rambling so he could think about what had just happened.

"And you never thought to tell me?" Those were the words which escaped him. Ludwig could not look him in the eye. Hungary opened her mouth to speak, but Austria silenced her with a glance. "Go to your room."

That was obviously not what Ludwig was expecting. "Bu–"

"Now."

Ludwig shakily rose to his feet and fled the room, running up the stairs with both dogs following after.

"Roderich..." Hungary moaned, covering her mouth with her hands. Austria ignored her for the moment as he pulled out his phone, dialling the person he had just thought he would not have to call.

"Roddy, are you serious? Vhat is it now?" Gilbert may have sounded exasperated, but Roderich actually was.

"You need to take me somewhere."

Gilbert snickered. "I know you like me, but really–"

"To Spain's."

"Roderich?" Elizaveta asked, sliding toward him but still sitting on the couch.

"Vhy?" Gilbert questioned, his teasing tone gone.

"I'll explain everything when you get here. Hurry." With that he hung up. Gilbert's curiosity would make certain he came.

"To Spain?" Elizaveta asked. Roderich moved toward the front door to wait.

"I... will make him understand," he said stiffly. "He cannot feel any sort of animosity toward Ludwig. I do not want to fight with Spain. You need to stay here with Ludwig. And..."

Roderich's words slowed as he tried to think of the best way to say it. There was only one way to say it. He had no idea when this had happened, but it did. And now he was bound to act this way, whether he was so very angry or not.

"If Ludwig wants to see Feliciano then, by God, he _will_ be able to."

She was on her feet in an instant, arms around him. Roderich inhaled the scent of her hair. Life was so much more simple with the two of them. But... would he ever want to return to that?

More than that, would he have the choice to keep the three of them as they were?

Minutes later found them both sitting outside on the front steps, waiting for Gilbert's car to arrive.

"I should have known better than to think we could have kept him as ours," Roderich sighed into the evening air. "We should have known it was only a matter of time. The world seemed so small lately. Now, with him right on the edge of it... it seems so big again, doesn't it?"

"I... I guess this is how being a parent feels like?" Elizaveta asked him. Roderich shook his head.

"It's only been a year." He shook his head, eyes shut tightly. "We've only had him a year..."

* * *

_Feliciano._

"You understand, don't you?" Ludwig asked the girls. Aster let out a whine. Blackie settled herself in front of the door. He absently patted Aster on the head as he stared out of the open window.

It was now dark. The outside was somewhat imposing without light showing the way. Ludwig flipped out several of the mechanisms before he found the small flashlight on his knife. He knew where he was, where he would be going. He could just... _feel_ it.

And all of the dizziness had left.

He closed the window as he managed to carefully scale down the side of the house. As soon as his feet touched ground he was off.

For Italy.

To Feliciano.

* * *

_There are just some scenes you can imagine better than you can put into words. The scene at the mall was one of them. I apologize._

"Nun, komm, es reicht." = "_Come on, that's enough."_

"Gott, steh mir bei! Oh, mein Gott..."_ = "__God help me! Oh my god..."_

'Das bin ich nicht. Das bin ich nicht. Das ist jemand anderes. Das... bin nicht... ich?' _= 'This is not me. This is not me. This is someone else. This is... not... me?'_

'Ich sehe so aus. Ich verstehe das nicht. Das ist völlig unmöglich. Das kann nicht... oder etwa doch...' _= 'I look like this. I do not understand. This can't be possible. This can't be... Or is it...'_

"Aus!_" = "Stop!"_

_The drunkard was singing what is the National Anthem of Germany._

_Translation:_

_Unity and justice and freedom_

_For the German fatherland!_

_For these let us all strive_

_Brotherly with heart and hand!_

_Unity and justice and freedom_

_Are the pledge of fortune;_

_Flourish in this fortune's blessing,_

_Flourish, German fatherland._


	16. For the One Who Loves the Painter, This

**For the One Who Loves the Painter, This...**

He had been doing so much, he had been doing so well. So much so Feliciano had forgotten that he was still weak. Weaker than normal, anyway. He would never be a hundred percent until his brother was better, after all. And though Lovino could walk now...

They were both still so weak.

"You don't understand! He's my friend! He's all right!" Feliciano howled. Antonio did not respond. It scared him that Spain would not respond. "It's not like before! It's _nothing _like before! Spain! Please..."

"What the hell is going on?" Feliciano tried to squirm around to see his brother. Lovino would help him! Lovino would understand!

"Lovino! _Auito!_" Feliciano pleaded. He could not see, but he did not hear Lovino move from where he was standing.

"It's... nothing you have to worry about, Romano." Spain sounded as if it were a normal day. As if this were all right. Not as if he were ripping Feliciano's heart out of his chest and casting it so far away.

"No! _Nooo_!"

Spain was walking again, but then he stopped. Feliciano continued to squirm. He could not think, he could not concentrate like this! What had happened? What had gone wrong? Spain did not understand!

_Ludwig didn't understand. He didn't understand why there was a picture of him. Germany? Ludwig?_

Feliciano did not know. He wanted to think they were the same. He wanted to think they were different. He wanted it not to matter.

"Dammit Spain, tell me why you're carrying my brother around like a sack."

_Will you forgive me, Ludwig?_

"May I put him down first?"

_Will... _you_ forgive me... Germany?_

"No, damn you! Just spill it!"

"Please, _please_ let me talk..." Feliciano gasped, suddenly knowing what was about to happen.

"He's been seeing Germany."

All sound suddenly seemed to have been sucked away. Feliciano stopped resisting for a moment, to try and look over his shoulder.

His brother's eyes were screaming silent betrayal toward him. He collapsed back on the couch. Feliciano felt himself go limp as well as he stared at the wall.

"Lovino..." Antonio began.

"Go away."

Spain did so, taking Feliciano up the stairs. Feliciano tried to think. He could not do this to Lovino. He could not do this to his brother, not after everything they had gone through. Not after all this time of trying to recover. But...

He could not loose Ludwig, not this time.

"_Perdonami,_" Feliciano begged. Lovino did not respond. With that, Feliciano went back to screaming, went back to struggling.

"It wasn't his fault! It was _never_ his fault and you know that! You know what happened! Spain!You don't understand, he's not like before! Put me _down!_ He's my friend, he _needs_ me! He doesn't know, he doesn't remember! _Spain_!"

Feliciano was deposited on his bed. He sat up, looking at Spain, who shook his head.

Spain sighed. "This is for your own good, Veneziano."

Feliciano screamed, picking up a book and throwing it at him. Spain ducked, taking a few steps back and shutting the door as Feliciano threw another one.

"_Let me out!_ You _can't_ do this! You _can't_ keep me from him! _No!_"

Feliciano cried.

* * *

She waved as the car pulled away, turning and re-entering the house. There was nothing else to do, she should relax. But Hungary did not feel as if she could relax.

So she went upstairs.

"Ludwig?" she called, knocking on the door. It was quiet. "Sweetie, can we talk?"

Nothing. She tapped on the door again before she tried to open it. The door only opened a few centimetres before it was stopped. Peeking through she saw Blackie lying in front of the door, as she usually did when Ludwig was sleeping.

With a small sigh she closed the door.

* * *

Germany. Veneziano had been going to see Germany. Forgive him?

Romano wanted to hurt something. He wanted to hurt something badly. But the only thing he could do was ignore Spain when Spain returned downstairs. Spain had not pushed the matter. Romano really wished he had. But then the doorbell rang and Spain went off to answer it.

Romano got to his feet and slowly made it to the stairs. He looked up.

_I can do this. It's only stairs._

Romano swallowed and gripped the banister tightly. One foot up and lift. Tears came to his eye and he found himself lying, face down, on the stairs.

"Dammit..."

He could just lie there. He could just forget about it. Why bother anyway? Why should he bother talking to his brother?

Romano shakily pushed himself back up to his feet and tried again. Near the top of the stairs he fell asleep for who knew how long. A minute? An hour? If it were an hour surely Spain would have noticed. Romano hoped so. He hoped it had not been long at all. He was so tired... would it be worth it? Why bother?

"Damn it... Veneziano," Romano gritted his teeth and managed to crawl up to the top step, collapsing on the floor. He took a few deep breaths before he returned to his feet again.

He would not complain about walking again. At least, whenever it was not the stairs.

The door was locked, but Spain had left the key right there. Romano opened the door, only to be hit in the face with a pillow.

"Lovino!" Veneziano squeaked. "Oh! I'm sorry! I thought it was Spain! You came upstairs? Oh, are you okay?"

"Damn you..." Romano growled, his left hand making sure he could keep standing as his other hand rubbed at his nose. "Some of the stuff in here is mine, you know! Don't break my stuff!"

"I'm sorry!" Veneziano cried from where he was sitting. Romano rolled his eyes, shutting the door behind him and somehow managing to walk over to the bed and sitting down next to him.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Romano asked. Veneziano simply sobbed. "After everything that's happened... I've always said that bastard was bad for you! And that was before he went... well, and tried to take over everyone."

"That w-wasn't h-h-his fault," Veneziano sniffed, words barely making any sense as they left him. Not that was much of a difference from when he usually spoke. Romano really just wanted to start hitting his brother until the younger one agreed with him Or maybe just lie down and fall asleep.

"Hell yeah it was," Romano retorted. It was not. It was America's fault. Or whatever. Romano did not care at this point. He never cared.

He just... did not...

"How is he even alive?"

"I... don't know?" Veneziano shook his head frantically. "He doesn't either. He doesn't remember any of it. He..." _Shit._ Just like before. What was it with that _stupid_ potato bastard always managing to do this to his brother? Romano wanted to say it was on purpose, but if it were on purpose then it really could not be happening. "Spain still here?"

"At the front door, don't even try it," Romano shot back quickly. Feliciano sighed, falling back on the bed. Romano rose back to his feet and walked over to the window. He opened it.

Veneziano got up, slowly coming over to his side. "Brother?" His voice was filled with fear. Like Romano actually had issues or a fascination with windows or something. Just because he fell out of one... it did not mean anything.

Did not mean anything? Romano thought about that.

_He loves him more than me, got it. I knew that. I've always known that._

"I hate him. Feliciano, if you go back to Germany I will never speak to you again."

With that, he pushed Feliciano out the window. It took him a few moments before he could look out the window, to see where his brother was staring up at him from the bushes.

"Lovino...?" He was fine. Then again there was no rock, no concrete. And it was not as high. Romano let himself breathe.

"Spain won't know you're gone, got it?"

With that he closed the window and lay down.

* * *

He had, sort of, been sworn to secrecy. Gilbert was now thinking that was the stupidest things he had ever done. It was not as if he had never broken promises before. People were going to figure out about Ludwig eventually, it had always been a better idea to do it before everything healed over, because Ludwig's existence was going to tear a large hole in everything.

Once they found out. Gilbert should have eased Antonio into it. He should have been able to tell his friend and make him understand. He would not have liked it, not at all, but sooner or later Antonio would have just accepted it!

Because he was Prussia and he was awesome!

Actually, he was North Germany. And he was pissed off.

"You're an idiot," he told Roderich.

Roderich hit his head against the car window.

"Not the normal kind, a grade A idiot."

"I got the picture," Roderich groaned.

"Are you sure? Cause I have some diagrams at home that I could show you–" He did not force Roderich to tell him to shut up, he did so himself as he pulled into Antonio's driveway. "Hey, maybe I should talk to him fir–" Roderich exited the car. Gilbert swore and followed after.

Gilbert managed to get the the door and by Roderich's side before Antonio opened it. He almost smiled at Gilbert before he saw Roderich.

"Can I help you?" Always pretending to be happy, Spain. Gilbert had told him over and over that meant he had some serious problems. After all, if they had all just been honest with each other... hell, if that were the case they would not have gotten into that huge war to start with.

"You will listen to what I have to say about New Germany," Roderich said, so bluntly even Antonio could not pretend to not know what he was talking about. Antonio's façade vanished instantly.

"Austria! If I have to fight you in order to protect the two of them, so be it!"

"Woah, woah, woah!" Gilbert put up his hands, stepping between the two. Not that he had to worry much about a fight, Roderich had already taken a step backwards. "'Toni, he just vants to talk! Give Ludwig a chance–"

"_You_ didn't have to take care of them!" Antonio hissed. "_You_ didn't have to watch Romano, _unable_ to move – Feliciano, barely doing anything! He would not cook! He would not do _anything_!"

"And when did he begin to improve?" Roderich demanded. Antonio hesitated. "I do not know when they first met, but I am certain it was about then!"

"And you're guessing this how?"

"Guys!" Gilbert tried again, but both ignored him as they verbally tore into each other.

"Because I know Veneziano!"

"More than me? I didn't see you doing anything for him!"

"While I was taking care of Ludwig? You should know better than to say such a thing, Spain!"

"Who needed your help more? The person who caused this–"

"Ludwig? He's done nothing!"

Gilbert stared back and forth between the two. "Hey!"

"That's right, _nothing_! Nothing while the two of them suffered!"

"_England_ was the one who shot Veneziano! And I see you gave him France without a second thought–"

"Don't you dare start with France!"

Gilbert had half a mind to punch them both (to help them regain their senses, of course). Which is when he saw it.

"You're tired, Antonio. And this is a stupid argument."

Antonio stared at him for a moment, as if having forgotten that he was standing there. "No. No I'm not. Not enough to not know what I'm talking about."

"You know vhat you're talking about," Gilbert agreed. Roderich opened his mouth to protest and Gilbert put up his hands. "But neither of you are listenin' to yourselves. It's stupid."

"There's nothing to talk about," Spain said blankly. "I can't let Veneziano... I can't let him get hurt again. I won't."

That was probably the worst moment for Ludwig to suddenly show up.

* * *

Hungary knocked on the door again. "Ludwig? I brought up some hot chocolate..."

She waited again, wondering why she felt as though she had to. If he was still asleep it would not matter. She opened the door, again it being stopped against Blackie. She kicked at the bottom of it, pushing Blackie just barely. Enough for Elizaveta to stick her head in.

Ludwig was not there. She managed to set the tray down before she dropped it.

"Blackie? Aster?" she questioned them. Blackie rose her head to look at her. Aster's ears went up. Neither were worried at all.

She was still uncertain that should make her feel better. She went to call Roderich.

* * *

His head had started to hurt. He had not let that stop him, but it seemed every step forward would cause another stab into his skull. Ludwig was shocked to see Roderich here, almost as much as Roderich was to see him.

"Ludwig?" Roderich exclaimed. "How... what are you doing here?"

Spain had taken a step backwards, foot inside the door. "I don't want to fight you..." he warned. Ludwig shook his head.

"I just... I don't unterstand, but..." Ludwig swallowed. "I suppose you deserve to hear dis as much as I need to say it."

What was he going to say? He did not know. All he knew was he was here. His feet had led him here. And Feliciano was inside. And there was something going on that was so far beyond him that none of them should really be continuing to hurt because.

Ludwig might not understand the concept of 'war' like he tried so hard to, but everyone else showed very obvious scars of it. Not physical. There were probably physical scars, but those were not the ones he was seeing.

He was seeing something that was not there. He tried hard not to think about it.

"I didn't mean to lie, I just vanted... to see dings," he started, right hand clutching his Swiss knife tightly. "People. Ant I didn't know vhat to make of Feliciano. He vas just dere. Ant I coultn't seem to avoid him. So I didn't."

A strangled noise escaped Spain.

"I didn't mean to hurt him, I don't know how I did."

"But–" Spain began. Ludwig could see pinpricks of light from the corners of his eyes. They almost looked like they were coming toward him, the lights.

_No..._

"I love him!"

With that, Spain's words faltered. Roderich looked at him in surprise. Gilbert did not look surprised at all.

"You do?" asked Feliciano. The other three wheeled around to see a rather mussed up Italy, walking around from the side of the house. Ludwig was an idiot. Had he never said it before?

Ludwig smiled, then found himself stopping so, clearing his throat. He wanted to say it, but at the same time... Did it seem necessary? It just was. "I'fe alvays, alvays..."

Except for the lights, everything was becoming dark. He realized that Roderich was holding him.

"_Ludwig_?" came a faint voice, but Ludwig could not tell who was talking.

"_Germany...?"_

And the dream came to swallow him.

* * *

_Other than the last part, this is the most straight forward this story has ever been. Sorry about that._

"Auito!" _= "Help!"_

"Perdonami"_ = "Forgive me."_


	17. is the end

**is the end**

_There was no way to avoid the orders. They always came. Germany hated orders. He hated having to do these things. He wanted to stop taking orders. So many times the gun had come up to his head, his finger on the trigger. Italy would always come in then, always stop him. Italy was a fool. "Look what I've done to your brother, Italy! Look!" But that never got the reaction he wanted. All it did was make him cry. Germany hated that his boss had ordered him to take that action with _anyone_ who had come to the house at the time. He should not have had to hit Romano until he fell to the ground, strangely silent compared to the yelling he was so used to. That should not have happened._

_Why had France tried to poison America? Why couldn't he have tried to poison Germany? Germany would not have lived through that, Germany would have died. Germany then would not have been told to hurt the one responsible. He would not have had to strike him until the screams were so hoarse. "Shut up, shut up, shut up!" He would not have had to hit him until America came and said he was dead. Germany knew France was not dead. America knew France was not dead. It might have been more merciful to kill him. But America had ordered it and Germany was grateful. America was _always_ crying when no one else was looking and Germany was grateful he was not the only one._

_But no. He never did that. Italy saw him crying. Italy always saw him crying..._

* * *

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha...

* * *

_His home was destroyed. That was all right with him. This place no longer felt like his home anymore. There was nowhere that could. There was one place where Germany felt at peace and he had ruined that place now._

_Aster growled._

"_Dis is de end," Ludwig sighed, patting Aster on the head. "Go on, out," he pushed her towards the door. "Blackie, Berlitz. _Ab."

_The three bitches whined, none of them remotely interested in heeding his order. Ludwig knew why – they understood more than most people gave them credit for. Still..._

"Ab!" _he demanded and Aster and Blackie slunk out the door. Berlitz put her nose against his leg. She licked his glove. Ludwig felt himself hesitate._

I don't want to die.

"**Ab!**"_ he shouted, pointing out the door. And with that, Berlitz left._

But I can't live after this.

_And he waited. He did not know who would be coming to finish him and he did not care. He wanted to see_ him _one more time. One last time. But Ludwig knew he had no right to think so. Germany had destroyed so much of Italy's life as it were._

It is time to let him go.

_Germany heard someone stepping through the ashes and remainder of the flames. He rose once more to his feet, turning to see whom he was almost the most glad to see right now._

"_Germany."_

"_Japan."_

My friend. I can think clearly.

"_Have you come to kill me?"_

_Japan's hand was on his sword, another holding a gun. Japan was usually expressionless, but this time he was not. He looked miserable, frankly. Germany wished he could understand why. But think too much and he lost control of himself. He was so sick of living like this._

"_I'm so sorry, Germany."_

"_Don't be."_

_They were speaking so calmly, but as soon as Germany made any sudden move Japan would pull the trigger. And as much as Germany wanted to give Japan the excuse to kill him, he found himself looking for any opening which would mean he might have the advantage. He only had three bullets._

_Part of the roof fell down. And Germany acted._

_He had never really had to fight Japan before, but he had watched him fight and had thought how lucky he was that had never before had to be the case. Maybe it was for this fact Germany was relieved. Japan would kill him. It would be as quick as he could make it._

_He dodged the bullets coming from the other's gun, letting loose one of his own. It missed Japan by a few inches as the smaller man threw himself out of the way, returning the fire. One hit him in the shoulder. Germany did his best to ignore it._

_He shot a second time. This time he hit Japan in the arm which was holding the gun. Germany's foot fell through the burnt wood he had landed on. A sense of panic and he tried to pull his foot out._

_Japan shot again._

_But he did not feel the bullet tear through him. One small whine was all that escaped her. Ludwig found himself able to pull his foot out from the floor, moving, grabbing Berlitz before she hit the ground._

"_Berlitz, Berlitz, no..." Ludwig sobbed into her coat. He felt her tongue on his cheek._

_And she stopped moving._

_Ludwig could not stop crying. Not even when it became dark and Japan's shadow covered him from seeing his precious dog's face._

_He finally looked up to see his friend. Tears streamed down Kiku's face._

"_I'm so sorry," they both said, right before Japan stabbed him._

_And _Germany_ knew no more._

* * *

Ha ha ha... ha...

* * *

_Bunt, bunt, bunt..._

Inhale. Breathe. Cry.

* * *

Ludwig knew he was New Germany. Ludwig knew he was Germany. Ludwig knew he was someone else, so long ago. But he remembered nothing else. Just for a moment.

* * *

Inhale the sweet, sweet scent of this world we keep returning to, my love.

_I-I'm sorry for everything I did... This is goodbye, so don't worry..._

Breathe.

_'I'fe started to dink dis isn't so bat... Is dis vhat dey call being "happy"?'_

Do not forget to breathe.

_Ever since the nine hundreds..._

Cry for me as I will cry for you.

_'Ve'll run into even more dangers, but you ant I are bount vith dis promise.'_

These tears mean we care, don't they?

_I'll always love you more than anyone in the world!_

You agree...

"_I'fe alvays, alvays..."_

Don't you?

_'Just for five seconds... can I play Germany in Germany?'_

My Italy.

"_Let's run away."_

* * *

And the moment passed.

* * *

**we're all mad here...**


	18. Is The Beginning

**Is The Beginning**

Ludwig woke up.

The ceiling seemed awfully far away, before he realized he was in the living room. Then the ceiling was exactly where it was supposed to be.

Ludwig sat up.

Feliciano was sleeping, head and arms on the couch and the rest of him on the floor. He removed the blanket from himself and draped it over the Italian's shoulders.

"I am Ludwig."

And he was right. Two times over.

Italy mumbled something. Germany could not help but smile.

* * *

Austria smoothed Hungary's hair back from where she was slouched over in her chair. More gracefully than North Germany, who only had the wall keeping him from falling off the kitchen chair and hitting the floor.

Damn, he would never get used to _North Germany_. Prussia had been a much easier name to remember.

He heard a whine from the back door. Aster wanted back inside. Austria did not feel inclined to getting to his feet. He took another sip of his coffee.

"...Roderich?"

He glanced up to see Ludwig standing in the doorway. He rose to his feet instantly. "Ludwig!" he exclaimed, albeit softly so as not to startle either Nation sleeping. Roderich moved across the floor as quickly as he could to stand in front of him. "Are you feeling all right?"

"I'm... fine," Ludwig shrugged. Roderich could sense the hesitation and knew something was wrong. No, not wrong. Just different.

He stood there looking straight into the eyes of the child, no Nation, he had raised and knew.

"Germany?"

"Once. Sort of." The other shook his head. "I... remember some things. Enough to know, I suppose. Not everything, not even close... but enough."

He should not be accepting this with a heavy heart. Germany had been his friend. He should be glad that this was Germany. Well, when he remembered more he would be Germany. Ludwig had always been Germany.

"But..." Ludwig looked down, as Ludwig always did when embarrassed. Roderich found that he could not look at him either. "I vouldn't mint... I mean... I liked being... a child. Here."

Roderich found himself laughing. "You can always be a child here."

Ludwig hugged him. Roderich hugged him back.

Maybe it was being overly optimistic of him, but Austria liked to think that he had not lost either of them. This was just how Germany was when he could allow himself to smile.

He was his Ludwig.

* * *

"I still dink you're too young to be movin' in vith another man," Gilbert drawled. He watched as Ludwig continued packing from where he was sitting on the bed. Actually, he was supposed to be helping, but Gilbert was a firm believer in making people do their own work. Except for his awesome self, of course.

"Ant I dthink your opinion only matters vhen I ask for it," Ludwig retorted. "Are you just going to sit dere?"

"_Ja._" Gilbert nodded. Ludwig threw a shirt in his face.

This was his brother. Gilbert had nearly cried when Ludwig told him. Not that he had not already known and not that he was _really_ going to cry. Just... that same relieved feeling when some people cried. He was guessing. Because he did not cry. Ever. Though he managed to embarrass Ludwig _somehow_ when the younger Nation told him not to be so emotional about it. Gilbert was never '_so emotional_'!

Gilbert started stuffing the clothes into the box in front of him. Right up to the point he heard Ludwig's exasperated sigh.

"No! You don't just stuff it in dere, you fold it–" Ludwig stopped himself. "Vhy am I bothering asking you to fold?"

"No clue," Gilbert smirked as Ludwig started doing it himself. "Your hair's getting in your face. Gonna cut it again?"

"Feliciano said he'll to it," Ludwig said absently. Gilbert choked on air.

"You trust _Feliciano _vith scissors?"

"_Ja._" Ludwig lowered his head so as to hide his grin, but Gilbert saw it perfectly.

"Near your head?"

"Uh..._ ja_."

Gilbert stifled his laugh. He did not know about that, if it was a bad idea, but if it was Ludwig would either find out soon, or maybe the danger would help him remember more. "So... remember us getting drunk off our faces at all?" Gilbert asked slyly. Ludwig slowed up for a moment, thinking about it. Then he grimaced.

"Oh, do I," Ludwig sighed, beginning to fold again.

"Ve should do that."

"You vhat?"

Gilbert grinned. "You can't resist it, _Wessi_! Might as vell immerse yourself in it!"

"Don't let Roderich or Elizaveta hear you say dat." Ludwig shook his head. Gilbert stood up, walked over to the door, moved Blackie out of the way and opened it.

"_Ludwig and I are going to immerse ourselves in beer!_" he shouted down the stairs. And as he expected, he heard the sound of Elizaveta's heels. The back of Gilbert's head was hit by a pair of Ludwig's gloves.

"You're an idiot," Ludwig snickered.

* * *

Antonio found that he was still tired. Was that why he had given in? Maybe if he was less tired he would have put up more of a fight when the other three had left, when Feliciano had left with them. Antonio did not know what to do. Ludwig was not good for Feliciano.

But who was he to deny them each other? Just another Nation. Nations were not good people to judge. Each Nation was forced to think of what was best for themselves first. He was just as capable of hurting Feliciano. Not that he could _ever_ hurt him as much as Germany did.

Love tended to make everything worse. Or better. Antonio knew this very personally.

"Are you... sure you don't want any help?" Antonio asked from the doorway. Feliciano looked up at him from where he was piling together the few things in this household which were his.

"Lovino would blame you for my leaving and stuff..." Feliciano shrugged. "I'm okay."

"Okay." Antonio responded, continuing to watch as Feliciano stuffed his things into a box. Lovino was likely to get very irritated for a while. Not that he usually was not, but it was always different when it came to his brother.

Lovino was adorable, but Antonio sometimes wished he knew what he was doing wrong when it came to the Italian.

"_¿Puedes nunca me perdone?_"

"Huh?" Feliciano looked back up at him.

"I'm sorry. I really thought it was best for you."

Feliciano never hesitated to smile. Antonio realized that was exactly how he has always tried to be. Real smiles, not fake ones.

"I know, Antonio! Thanks. You'll tell Lovino I'll come over for lunch tomorrow?"

"Sure thing." Antonio smiled. Feliciano hugged him before he took his box outside. Antonio returned back to the family room, where Lovino was lounging on the couch, flipping through channels. He sat down next to him and easily wrapped his arms around him.

"Hey!" Lovino protested, pushing at him. "What the hell?"

"You're so cute," Antonio spoke into his hair. Lovino groaned. "How're you feeling?"

"Tired," Lovino grumbled as he stopped struggling. Antonio smiled.

_Just like me, Lovi. Just like me._

"Then you should be sleeping, that's Boss Spain's advice!"

"Then '_Boss Spain'_ shouldn't squish me." Lovino rolled his eyes. Antonio kissed his forehead. It only took the both of them five minutes to fall asleep.

* * *

Aster saw him first. Japan was not certain whether he should be relieved or not that neither of the dogs growled at him or gave him much notice at all except for the initial first glance.

Italy had told him what happened. Japan knew he had to confront this eventually. He had not known it would include Ludwig remembering who he was. Kiku was not certain he wanted to confront Ludwig if Ludwig knew what he had done.

The guilt gnawed at him along with the rest of his pain.

"Germany?"

It took him a moment to respond, but he did, turning around to face him. It seemed to take him a moment to realize how to react. Still, it was not the reaction Japan had been expecting. He had expected a cold rejection. He had not been expecting an awkward glance and a nod, as if Ludwig was not certain how to react.

Not certain? Did he not remember what Japan had done?

"Japan. I take it Italy told you?"

"As much as I could make out of his words," Japan agreed. Ludwig suddenly looked as if he were trying not to laugh.

"_Ja_, he started rambling vhen I tried to tell him... I doubt _he_ unterstood vhat he vas saying." Ludwig shook his head. Kiku tried to keep a straight face, but he could imagine it too well.

"What... if I may ask, do you remember?"

Ludwig sighed, looking down as he shuffled his feet. "Bits ant pieces of a lot of things. I can fill in some of the gaps... more soon, for Roderich is finally going to let me learn some history. Now dat I remember some of it, of course. Not really someding he can hide from me anymore."

Kiku rose an eyebrow. "I never questioned Austria's method of raising you."

"Dank you. Because if you had cared for me instead of him, dis vould be very awkward now."

"More than now?"

Ludwig stayed quiet for a moment before responding. "I know... vhat happened to Berlitz."

That was what he had been waiting for. The blame should come next. Japan had had lots of time to prepare himself for this, he had come to see Ludwig for this reason. An apology would be stupid by this point. But he knew he still had to give it.

"I'm sorry."

"So am I." Ludwig looked back at the other two dogs, the other two who looked unchanged from that night. Kiku had passed the three on the way in. He should have known. "Berlitz vas a good girl. Even if she ignored my orders. I should hafe expected it."

That monotone was so reminiscent of the exact way Germany used to speak, Kiku could not think of any words to say.

"I hope you von't ask for forgiveness."

He instantly shook his head. Despite the fact Ludwig was not looking at him, Kiku could tell he guessed the gesture.

Ludwig finally looked at him. He appeared to study him for a while before giving him a nod.

"Den noding's changed between us."

Kiku was so relieved he nearly had to sit down. But Ludwig hugged him and he managed to stay on his feet.

It was still awkward. And Japan knew things had changed between them. But Ludwig was smiling again and Kiku decided not all of the changes were for the worse.

* * *

"Elizaveta, please..."

"Oh! You've grown up so quickly!" She engulfed him in another hug because she could and because she would not be able to on a daily basis anymore. "And I mean that. If you don't stop growing not even Feliciano's going to be able to feed you."

"De black hole?" Ludwig asked with false shock. "_He_'s de one who eats everyding."

"Which means you can't have two of you in one house eating away at the foundations." Elizaveta giggled at Ludwig's face. As she had gotten the whole story about their cleaning the house, she could just imagine the horrors which were likely to assault him living here as he remembered the wretched state North Italy's house had been in.

He would get used to it. And no amount of remembering was going to prepare him for living with Feliciano again. Elizaveta giggled. She was going to have to come over _often~_

"What's that?" she pointed at the folder he had stuffed under his arm. Ludwig looked down at it thoughtfully, then pulled a face.

"Roderich's schedule. Er... my schedule. Vhen Roderich vants me to show up for lessons."

Elizaveta laughed, taking it and looking through it. "You're joking!" She said that though she had the evidence in her hands. She said that though she could imagine it very well.

"As you can see," Ludwig waved absently at the papers. "Though he's set up more piano lessons den anyding else... but ve've known vhere his priorities lay all along."

She handed it back with a sigh. "You're moving out. You know we don't control your schedule anymore."

"No, no." Ludwig shook his head. "I don't mind."

Of course he did not, it was a schedule. But he could still make a face at it and Elizaveta knew that no matter what happened next, Ludwig would be all right.

She pulled him into another hug to keep her face from his sight as she tried to regain her calm. No crying in front of him! That would be unfair... She heard Roderich walk up behind her and so pulled back from Ludwig again.

"Does that look acceptable to you?" Roderich asked instantly. Elizaveta scowled and poked him in the arm.

"He is barely out of the house! Let him settle down first!"

"It's fine, it's fine!" Ludwig responded quickly, whether about to laugh or sincerely concerned she could not immediately tell. So... not too much different from when he had begun to react after Japan had given them him.

Only one year. And this was the end of it.

"Den... I'll be seeing you on Friday," Ludwig looked back down at Roderich's printed schedule to check his words. Roderich nodded slowly.

Both men just stood there, looking back at each other. Some of her tears spilled over and Elizaveta let out a strangled exclamation.

"Oh, you _men_!" she pulled them both into a hug, causing both of them to protest initially, but not for long. "If you need anything, you have our number!"

"And." Roderich took a step back, pulling something out of his pocket. "Your_ cell phone_."

"Heh heh..." Ludwig grinned sheepishly as he took it. "Danks. I know. Danks."

Aster let out a bark as both she and Blackie went to the front door.

"Feliciano's here," Roderich commented unnecessarily. Elizaveta wiped the tears from her face. How long would it be before she was the concerned parent until she was the concerned parent _and_ a creepy stalker?

Oh, Ludwig could only mind as much as he did before~!

* * *

"Here we are!"

The house should not have looked that much different than it did before, but it did. Before it was a hideaway, a place where they would meet. Now it was home. For both of them. The only place he had ever been truly happy. At least, before. Now he had plenty of places he could remember being happy at. But out of all of them, he preferred this one.

This was how things were supposed to be.

"I meant to get you someding for your birthday..." Ludwig mentioned. It was Feliciano's birthday the next day, but with everything that had just happened it seemed to have slipped from most people's radar.

"Ludwig," Feliciano stared at him with a look which almost looked as if Feliciano thought he had said something really stupid. "You did. Don't be silly!"

Ludwig could not think of what present he could have possibly given him without noticing, but decided not to ask. He would try and figure out something to do tomorrow, not try and convince Feliciano he had not done anything yet.

Feliciano opened the door and Ludwig felt some familiarity with the thought he would have to lecture Feliciano about locking the front door when no one was home.

"I guess I'll be sleeping on the couch for a vhile," Ludwig said absently as he walked in. It almost looked like a new place. A new place from his new perspective. "Elizaveta vouldn't let me take my bed..."

"That's okay! We have mine!"

Ludwig spluttered, trying to think of the appropriate response but coming up with nothing. Feliciano smiled, walking back over to him and getting up on his tip toes, sudden panic coming to his face.

"Vhat's wrong?" Ludwig questioned, immediately concerned.

"You're too tall!" Feliciano complained. Ludwig looked down at him and laughed, bending over slightly to kiss him. Feliciano wrapped his arms around him in reciprocation.

This might not be easy, but Ludwig was certain this was how life should be.

_Bunt, bunt, bunt sind alle meine Kleider..._

Ludwig smiled into Feliciano's hair. "_Mein Schatz ist ein Maler._"

* * *

"¿Puedes nunca me perdone?" _= "Can you ever forgive me?"_

"Mein Schatz ist ein Maler" _= "My love is a painter."_

_Hungary really can scare me at times. Still love her, but dear lord... Both the voice of reason and a complete freak at the same time._

_One month and ninety one pages. I am happy with it._

_Some may not like how this turned out (I dunno), but I knew where it was going the entire time. And not in the 'I had the _ending_ written like this' way of JK Rowling, but in the 'I knew _everything_ that was going to happen and just had to write it out' way of ME when I am basing it off of a roleplay between DF and I. Thank you for understanding._

_I have to say this because people kept bringing up the subject... I never meant to make the English speaking accent from the German characters seem insulting. I know some people liked my attempt, others thought it was annoying and others did not care, but I must put my foot down at being told it was offensive._

_1.) I can understand if people think it is annoying. You are reading an English fanfic and you people are expecting it to be in English. I happen to be American though and we trash the English language all the time. If I do so, I try and do it at least consistently so that you all can read it._

_2.) It might be inaccurate and I may be following a formula, but this was based on my attempt in trying to type different pronunciations, based from how some German students that went to my school last year spoke. I am not an idiot, I know Austrians speak German. The reason Austria did not follow this was because I was basing it on _Germans_. I was raised with American English and British English. I went to Canada and heard Canadian English and there is already a huge difference between those three things. I know there is a difference even when people speak the same language. I was not going to breach into an Austrian accent because I had no frame of reference._

_3.) If this is offensive, my trying to understand how someone who's native tongue is not English, then so be it. I am not a linguist. I am but a naïve child in the world. As I have learned not be be insulted when people call my trombone a _trumpet_, I can hope for a little bit of understanding from other people, especially as this is _fanfiction_._

_Ah, the person I would have loved to tell this to did not leave a signed review and stopped reading. But I suppose I wanted ask the rest of you this: would you prefer me **not** writing the accent in future endeavours? I can understand if it is annoying to have to translate. I will leave it up to you people to decide. Thank you for listening to my rant. I apologize if it sounded angry. I must admit I am happy for a literate, unhappy reviewer, even if I am saddened I can bother the literate people as well as the illiterate._

_Meanwhile, on to the rest of my end-story spiel!_

_A special shout out to my continuous reviewers... you all know how to make an author feel loved! EmoLollipop, crimson-obsidian-rose, Canadino, Anime Dutchess, I Spazz With Pizzazz, WhimsicalShmoo, Anastasie Rossi, The Illustrious Tama, Hispanic Tenshi, Tanya Tsuki, gust-rider, Albinokitten, spider wench, Pictomancer-Murasaki, mangospoons, CheshireCatGrin, and everyone else who has reviewed only once or twice, and all of those who had this on review and alerts._

_Special thanks to Rinael for all of the German I was able to insert into the story and the language lessons I was given and to the others who gave corrections. I am glad to have native speakers be able to perfect my attempts at foreign language._

_And in this thanks, I give you all an omake. Because I love you. And apparently I love your suffering. You have been warned, read at your own risk._

* * *

The rain fit his mood perfectly. Why was it always that rain fit the mood, but not the situation? He would give anything for the rain clouds to leave, so that it would not be so hard to see, to look, to find the Nation he had been spending all of his time looking for.

At least Germany was all right. One thing was good. Japan wished him all of the happiness in the world.

Japan had been surprised when England walked to his house, asking to join him. He had not known England could walk, could speak again. Japan was more than overjoyed to say yes. Another set of legs, another pair of eyes.

To find America.

Funny thing, how neither of them doubted he was still alive. It seemed impossible, but everyone else had accepted it. Accepted it because they did not want to have to face America after what had happened.

"Do you think we are getting closer?" England breathed in deep the cold night air. Japan looked at the empty streets of Salt Lake City. It was silent.

"We always are, England. We will find him soon."

It was the same thing Japan had been telling himself for more than a year, but now it seemed more likely. They would find America. If he was alive, they would find him. If he was alive.

_This is not for me, Alfred. Let me find you if doing so would be best for you._

Japan wondered if he should pray to the God that Alfred believed so faithfully in up until the end. He looked down at the cell phone he had pulled from his pocket. A key chain attached – red, white, and blue.

Wrapped about it, a necklace. A plain and simple cross. One last gift.

_One Nation under God._

He decided it would not be too horrible to try.

* * *

_I have plenty more things to write with this storyline. How many people would want to read a little something named '**Recovering Francis**'? It will explain more before I write the sequel (_for you people who want to know about America's fate)_. Or the prequel for that matter _(for the people who want to know how any of this happened in the first place)_. But let me not get ahead of myself._

_Though I really do want to write the part where the laughter from Chapter Seventeen shows up. But that is the prequel and me _really_ getting ahead of myself._

_Thanks for sticking around,_

_Words_


End file.
